The Mousir Family

Thank you to the Farmers!

2011-09-03T15:55:00.000-06:00

So as I drove down highway 2 from Edmonton to Calgary, my mind wandered more than normal maybe because I could not play on my cell phone with the new laws (not a bad thing but different) but this time as I drove past the farms fields my mind thought of the HARD work that those farmers do for us, without them what would we eat?

I have spent a lot of time talking to a friend in Idaho who works on his father’s farm, I learned soooo much…I have more respect than ever before as I now know the long hours that go into that whole lifestyle and the hermit type lifestyle they must lead in order to get all the things done they need too, to make money and for us to have the food we need to live. I never knew how touchy farming was and how easy it would be to lose EVERYTHING. I learned that potatoes’ are so wonderful from Idaho because it is so cold at night and warms up so much in the day time, and that you should cut beans when the dew is low (otherwise you lose some beans)….and then you fork the ends to try and save what was missed when they were cut. And then difference between the round and square hay bales, all I can says is WOW….have you ever wondered why some of green wrap and some have white?? I have so I finally asked and well it is just wrapping to keep it dry---who would have known. Who would have known there was such a difference between the square and the round bales of hay? Round makes better hay, a round baler can be pulled with a smaller tractor, they are smaller and don’t smash your fields as much so you don’t lose as much, you can bale at a higher moisture with the round ones(makes sense more in Canada to me at least ;) ) The square ones…are easier to truck and stack, and faster to bale in the field. round ones are cheaper to make then square ones the cost blew me away…..the round ones are about $50,000 and the square ones about $160, 00(might be a little different in Canada but that was the guess of the US prices) this just really blows my mind away that is a heck of a lot of money, especially when you are not sure if you are going to make money in a year. The game you have to play in farming is very, very scary to me, the needing more land to make more money, but then needing newer equipment to keep up and the cost of that a crazy little circle you go in.

Who would have known these things…not this little Alberta girl who has NEVER left Canada….let alone been on a farm really….

All I can say is thank you to the people that put in the long hours and have a lack of social lives for us to be able to have food to eat, the work ethic has changed a ton in our society but even if you do the low end of farming you are still working harder than most these days but those that are doing that old style farming where you out more than you are in THANK YOU so much…..

i am going to add some more photos of my trip in a little bit

Sara's Needles

2011-08-26T10:56:00.000-06:00

Sara had to get her 5 yr old needles before school.....so I had them weigh her and see how tall she is....

Sex Girl

Age 5 Year
Optimal Height 109 Cms Range (100 - 120 Cms) = Sara is: 103.5

Optimal Weight 18 Kg Range (14 - 25 Kg) = Sara is: 17.4 which is 38.5lbs! she put some weight on way to go Sara!

2011-08-25T16:46:00.000-06:00

Our community outing.....we went bowling and West Edmonton Mall.....this kids had alot of fun!

Sara R- Dallin's Aid

Joshua Super excited!

the Final score-Little Sara is AWESOME

little Sara bowlling

Dallin bowling

Open Again!

2011-08-18T15:04:00.001-06:00

I have decided to open my blog up again, I really still dont want some people reading it but at the same point why should I have to live in a box and hide my life.....I shouldnt have too....and so if the 1 person in the world I would prefer to not read this is reading I hope know....IT IS MY LIFE and I WILL LIVE IT HOW I WANT! This are my kids, their Father has a little to do with their life but the amount he has is his choice and not mine.

I was going to go back and delete my comments from when David left and I decided NOPE! it is what it is, he hurt me a TON when he left and that needs to be there I am not going to fake that I was okay with it all, I still hurt from it but I am trying my best to move forward and become a BETTER person through this all!

back to the blogging!
Christine

the BEST gift

2011-08-18T14:56:00.000-06:00

It has been a crazy tough emotional week, I wish I could say it was going to get easier right away but I dont see that at all sadly, there is alot of postive things happening but emotionally still a TON of stuff. Today I came home to get the best gift ever.....

I love how the kids painted it.....Thank you to the Amazing Sara for helping the kids with this, it TRULY means alot to me. I love my kids and this year has been pretty rough but we have each other and that is the important thing.

a thought came to me....

2011-08-16T21:02:00.000-06:00

Today a thought came to me.....I have tried to delete David alot from my life in the last bit, tried to take him out of most of my pictures on facebook and I went to start here and realized as hard as it is, he is ALWAYS going to be apart of my life, I cant delete all the pictures even if I really wanted too, the kids deserve to know who their father is even if it hurts me a ton. He is the father of my kids, he was a man I loved and I had to learn how to unlove him as hard as that was, the hard part for me is to move forward, my divorce is ALMOST done and as excited as I am, I am scared as HELL, I dont want my heart ever treated this way again.....I know I am not the easiest person to live with but I try, and ya my kids come first alot but there are only here for a short time and then they are gone......it is finding that balance in life it can be hard.....all I know sadly is the next person has to be willing to share me a little more than David would have had too....now I have to share myself with the person, my kids and their father! should be fun right?????

The Muttart Conservatory

2011-08-16T20:34:00.001-06:00

Today we went with Dallin's aid to The Muttart Conservatory, the kids LOVE going there, it is only about 30mins maybe 45 mins if you push it, so we went for a walk after over the river, had some good laughs, I love my kids, I have not spent enough time saying that this year, the goal.....to change the out look on life...my kids are AMAZING! most of these pictures were taken by Sara or Joshua!

Sara's New Bed

2011-08-11T16:52:00.000-06:00

In hope to get Sara to sleep in her own bed I got the Dora tent......As I could not do her sleeping in my bed anymore, sharing my room is enough some days but my bed was getting to be to much so here we go!

Dallin got Baptized!

2011-07-30T21:50:00.000-06:00

I was not sure this day would ever come but his AMAZING primary teacher worked hard with him and I am so proud of him. Nothing can explain the words I feel about this moment...I am proud of Dallin, I am happy he made the choice to do this.

I will attach some pictures when I get them, as I got there and my camera had no batteries in it....I love my kids ;) but thank you to all those who made that day amazing for our family....

a bitter sweet moment

2011-07-30T21:31:00.002-06:00

A bitter sweet moment....on July 30th David was served his divorce papers, I really struggled with who I was going to ask to serve him as it was such a private person thing...and even though he knew this day would come, he had no idea other than a few hours before that he was going to be served. He was served by my maid of honor from my wedding....thanks for still being the support...but it hit me huge after this person help with our wedding (even though she at first was not a fan of me...) and she helped in a away end the marriage too with the finial papers, I am eternally grateful she was willing to help me.
I really thought it would be aloft easier than it was.....and then I spent the rest of the afternoon with him and his family it was a very hard moment, at least I had a friend to message to get through that time.
Later that night I had a special lawyer help me write up the affidavit to say that he has and is still committing adultery....that was the hardest moment as he signed that, it was the seal of the deal. I had to step back and see that this was done, not that I wanted it done but that it was done....and now I was allowed to move forward. I did love him, but it was not a two way street and you cant force someone to love you..... now it is time to move on and get my fresh start and be allowed to truly be loved....and i can not wait for that day to truly be loved!

i am alive

2011-07-18T22:48:00.000-06:00

I know some of you might not know it is true but i am still alive, it has been a hard couple months but I am doing AMAZING! currently my mark in my English class is at a 69.3% which is GREAT as I only need a 65% to get into my program...only my English Patient final on Tues(tomorrow) and then a week from that I write my street car named desire final and then Thursday the 28th I write my final for the program...I am scared and nervous all at the same time, I know I can do this but it is been one of my hardest trails. my mom has come up for the month to help me and yes that has been a blessing and a struggle all at the same time, I love my mom but we live in 2 very different worlds, but I am so grateful for the help.

I am still not divorced, and as much as I want it tomorrow, I know when the time is right it will all happen. Some days are harder than others but I truly expect that because I did put so much of my time and energy into my marriage and now it is gone. but in the same breath I am glad for the second chance in life.

The kids are doing well....I will try to update a bit more a little later

Thinking of you all and missing being here more....one day life will be a little less crazy!

in limbo land

2011-05-21T14:13:00.000-06:00

So I have decided that this limbo land is no fun, I want to be going one way or another.....and since I am not going to go back to being married it is time to move the game forward a little more, I did email the lawyer 2 weeks ago and he was still waiting on the court order from March 18th. Once that came he said he would start the divorce, but i would like it done sooner than later here....not that I have anyone I am wanting to marry tomorrow, it is just hard to even have male friends because I don't want people to get the wrong idea and heavens what happens if both of us just "click" not by trying but just by simple fact of life of..... boy meet girl, boy starts falling for girl, boy and girl see where it is going and try to stop it....well then boy wants to date girl and well you get the point, not that it is happening but because I am emotionally done,not emotionally better, but done I know I want to move forward and this makes it a long tough trapped type road. Yes, I am to point where I am happy, I am starting to finally figure out me....and Happiness is a huge part that has come back, but there is a small part to that happiness missing, a partner to share the good the bad and the ugly with!
The only nice part is it should not take the full year, as long as the child support stays where it is....that is the hardest part to it all, the kids have to be taken care of before they will put a stamp on it!

school is doing good!

2011-05-19T23:23:00.000-06:00

where to start, if has been awhile since I have been here, life has been a little crazy....trying to get into some new good routines. School has been amazing for me, for many different reasons. Even as I sit writing this I am trying to remember all the grammar and punctuation stuff I have been learning, I know I probably still have issues (wait I KNOW I still have issues) but it is helping me a ton.
My first 2 assignments I got "A" on which made me super happy. HUGE for me, I was the 50% or lower in High School in the lower class I did the English 30-2 (think it was English 33 before) and just barley passed, I am doing the higher English this time so English 30-1 so super huge boost for me, but my first test came back lower than I wanted I got a 59.9% which upset me alot, I thought I had done better but it has made me study a little more, pray a little harder.....try to focus more on what I need and what I want.....I know I can do this....I have the faith in myself...and I NEED to do this for my family.
oh well off to study for the long weekend and read two essay's....excited to move on to essay's!

137 days!

2011-05-15T23:58:00.003-06:00

This was the day I hit the lowest I have been since I was told....

"I am not sure I want to be married anymore!"

if you have ever been at that moment, you will know how much it hurts and you want to scream and cry, but this day was worse than that, this was the day for the first time I realized I had lost my best friend, I would tell him everything, I would bounce off my ideas with him, I would cry to him.....he was my EVERYTHING, right up till the day I heard him say "I Love You" to some else...At that very moment I turned off all emotions. but this week was a hard week all in all.
I will give you a short run down of why this day came to a head way.....
Friday, I went to Calgary for Time out for Women. I meet Shelly at her house at 10am and we were heading that way by about 11am, we dropped her kids off in Alix at there grandparents house, we then had 2 hours of just the two of us......I enjoyed talking, I look up to Shelly a ton, a widow, a mother of 4,a student, and a caring friend.
Sat was again another full day of TOFW. Amazing learned alot that weekend, I will do a post later about those two days....did a lot for me. Sat we head back home after it was over, about 5pm for we were on our way back to get Shelly's kids and then back to Edmonton.
In this time I was gone, I left my kids with there Dad, at my house. For some reason I had a VERY strong feeling they need to stay home, and not come with me which was not in my plan as I VERY much want to go out and play well in Calgary! (probably why I needed to go home, but still sad, and still not part of my plan)
Sat we got back to Edmonton about 10:30 by the time I dropped off David and go home it was almost midnight, I walked in the door and within a moment I was almost in tears, I was so hurt my house was a disaster, not a good way to end a good weekend. I had a melt down sent a not nice email because I was so hurt, not a nice way to start my first mothers day as a single mom.
Sun I woke up early got ready for church, really didn't want to go but I still went. I struggled with a lot of tears, I was so angry and hurt still, and I was angry for expecting different. Would have been better to think he would do nothing and come back to that vs thinking something would be done. I had a few more meltdowns, a nap and a few more tears for the day and Joshua asking me if i was going to be okay....after I snapped a few times on him for no reason and all I could say was "yes, one day this will all get better"
I cleaned a bit but was trying to wait till Monday.
Mon I woke up and went on a HUGE I want my house clean moment, actually forgot it was Monday, and forgot Joshua's e-live for school but I got my house somewhat back to a small normalness to totally 100% but alot better than it was. Joshua's teacher called about 4pm and as soon as I heard her voice I went CRAP! I forgot about school. She laughed a little I felt like a idiot....but she told me the testing that the psychiatrist had ordered, went in to late.....needed to be in by middle of April and i didn't get it in till may. So Joshua will have to go to a regular classroom on a IPP, how do I feel about it........I HATE IT, but what can I do about it......NOT A HELL OF ALOT! so now trying to figure out schools!
Tues
went to school with Dallin in the morning, then came home a Candice day and then I was trying to finish my school work for class later that night and I got a call from my FSCD worker, holding my breath like what now seeming this week was already going to the rough side....She called to talk about what I was wanting for Dallin for the last 6 months, after almost a hour we had come up with a plan and then it was just waiting for it to be approved by her supervisor. Then off to school I went, I handed in my assignment and then wrote my first test. At this point was when i started to feel overwhelmed in my own world. I was not sure i could do everything.
Wed
today is a Counseling day.....I am so grateful, I have been able to have this in my life, as I have worked through a TON of things with this persons help. I remember being worried a bit when I first started going because I was worried how much this person knew of who I was, and well the knew my significant other in the younger years in life. Let me tell you though, BEST choice ever to put those feelings behind me and just let myself heal and work on healing.
: not that I will talk alot about what is said in this moments as they are truly the most private and personal to me. It is the shaping forming, this person is probably next to God right now on the information he knows, he knows more than anyone I have EVER shared with, I normally leave things out because I don't want to make myself look bad, or I think that I have dealt with something but this time I have put everything out there good and bad, from present to past....super tough some days...
the thing that really stood out to me today was: the link between Abuse and Acceptable and how for me they go hand in hand alot.....sadly!
I got a new freezer today so now I can actually shop properly and make meals in advance, what a amazing thing!
Thurs
was another crazy day, school, therapy, and school for me.....slowly figuring it out, though I feel like this grammar unit might kill me. My mind was still going a TON today thinking back to yesterday and all the things we went through, I got my test back from Tuesday my heart almost dropped as I looked at the paper, I thought I had done alot better but I got 59.9% I wanted so bad to cry, I needed a higher mark and I thought I truly had understood it.
Fri
Friday the 13th the best day right??? NOT!
I started my day off with 2 team meeting for the boys where we sit and talk very shortly about the positive gains and strengths, and then you focus the next hour and a half on the negative and what we need to work on. I think for anyone that would be the hardest thing to sit and do, now do it for 2 kids back to back :(
I know that these programs are to help the kids and I know without a doubt they are helping my boys, they have grown and changed a TON, yes we have some bad day but for the most part they are getting so good. I am not afraid to leave my house every day along anymore which a GREAT thing!
Later..........
what is one more day to throw me over the edge, tonight the edge was the closest I had ever seen, this was the 137day!
facebook status tonight was :in the 137 days I have been single, I have never been as lonely as I am today.....I miss someone beside me helping me through the tough and crappy days, I miss coming home and talking about the 3hr meeting I had about the boys today...I miss someone to say I love you too, and cuddle on the hard days....I know it is worth it but today SUCKS!

no one can take away that pain from the very moment, and unless you have been there that moment...the panic attack kicked in huge that night, but as a dear friend sat and talked to me, i stop to see the blessing I do have in my life. I have 3 AMAZING kids who are teaching me a ton, I have AMAZING friends close and some very far but they are there to just talk when I need to talk, cry when I need to cry and you cant replace that ever and I am thankful for that. I am so thankful for the people that have been placed in my life to help me.
Sat
today....i hate Saturday's I have to drive the kids somewhere to see there Father, and then I wait around as it is normally only a hour or 2 so I dont want to go far as I dont want to waste a TON of gas especially with the price of it right now. But today I went to Ikea after I dropped them off because I was on a mission I wanted a new kitchen table because the other one was ready to fall apart. I had a dollar amount in my mind of what I wanted to spend. I found on in the As-Is section for half the price i was willing to spend, and the only reason it was there was it was missing it's box.....SOLD! I was done and happy, got it in the van with the help of a nice lady and then back to pick up kids....and Dallin's comment as he gets in the van was..."mom, is this coming home to be apart of our family?" I chuckled a little and said it sure it!
Sun
i was still so tired and burnt out from this whole week, it was very very emotional to me, but I made a super nice dinner and focused on us....and focused on a new week.....some days and some weeks are so emotional. I know I am being blessed for this trial but someone days it is the hardest trial in the world but I would not even give it to my worst enemy.

I think the hardest part to this all is most people get to walk away from, the Ex-spouse,partner whatever they may be and that is it, I will never be able to walk away from this person, I don't want him dead or anything like this, just not a person I would want to hang out with and have a party with anymore if that makes any sense......but he is the kids Father and over time we need to slowly learn how to work together and make a pleasant world for the kids. I hope one day he can see that part too.

treadmill vs outside running

2011-04-24T16:26:00.000-06:00

so I have been doing awsome running on the treadmill, I was up to almost 20mins of full running on my treadmill but i think my treadmill hit its last life last night, the belt has been sliding over for awhile and I cant get it to stay anymore :( so I thought I would go for a run outside, I need to run....you know that feeling in your legs when they just want to go and so I was like I am going....
so i went and ran around the block only probably 10mins but I struggled to run the entire time, but I am proud with the fact I didn't give up....it took me awhile to learn inside so assume it would be the same outside, but it was nice to feel the wind against my face! something I need to still do once I am in school....I need to still take that time for me, I am sure it will all help with the stress....

what is your favorite running song?

Find The Beat Again

2011-04-22T23:47:00.001-06:00

finding the beat again, wow life is about to take a huge change for me.....I did not know for sure till Thursday morning, but I start school on Tuesday, I am so excited and so scared all in one! as I have not been to school in many years and English was the course I struggled with the most but here I am, I am about to do my English 30 so I can get into Grant McEwan in September, I need to give them my marks in May saying I am doing awsome in my English course....and then I can go to school. I know without a doubt this is going to be a hard task but I know that there are many positives from this, my kids will learn how important school is, I will gain some self confidence in myself and in the end I will be able to support my family better.

I will need all the prayers and happy thoughts from everyone as I need to get a 65% in my English class, I have never got over a 60% so please keep me in your thoughts for the next few months! my course is from April till July and then....off to big kids school as my kids call it!

The end result from school would be.....Special Needs teacher assistant!

feelings close to my heart.....me talking about my church feelings and emotions

2011-04-22T23:40:00.001-06:00

it is not very often I talk alot about my beliefs but sometimes I think i should do more of it, and if I offended people well, they will get over it or forget about me. I am who I am, I am made whole each day because someone cared for me and gave up his life for the world.
As I sat last night in the Edmonton Temple I felt something I have not felt so strongly in a long time, I have been working so hard on what a relationship is to me and what is involved in that relationship good and bad! and many tears have come in the last week as I was challenged to write this out, and it has been interesting to just type and not think about it, and then go back and read it. My heart has been full and my heart has been broken a little more than it was, as I realize more of the lies I was living in sadly.....the tears came
As I sat in the temple (if you want more info on the temple) I watched few people, the person going to the temple for the first time and the memories and feelings that were there, and then I watched a person who I look up to he was the "best man" at our wedding, and well currently he is a best man, he is still active in the church and able to be in the temple! and I watched him, memories flood of the day I got married and how special that was to me, my of my dreams was fulled....but that dream has sort of been broken into a thousand pieces, no one ever goes into a marriage thinking they are going to walk away with a divorce or why would we do it, but heaven it hurts more some days then others. And then there was a third person there, who has been my support through this trial, my bishop.....I never thought it would be emotional to be there well he was there, but I was wrong because as I sat there, the memories and the talks we have had to get me there came back, he was the one to take a chance with me and challenge me to go back in Feb, and I remember saying I am not sure I can do this, and he said you can do it! and I sat there last night and at the end with tears in my eyes...he said "you in the right place" and more tears and emotions came out. i know more than ever I am in the right place, but being in the right place is not always the easiest, or the most accepted place!

the person that I could feel the most last night was my Heavenly Father with his arms wrapped around me, giving me the little push saying go forward with faith you can do this next step. I know there are some huge changes coming but I know without a doubt that they will all be GREAT changes. I know going to school as scared as I am will be a AMAZING thing, I know I am going to grow and change so much. but as I sat there and listen and thought about Easter coming up I also thought of the things that that means to me....and what that meant to Christ. He hung on a cross for us with nails in his hands and also in his wrists because they were afraid of the weight tearing, well heck even then I think is going to, but even if you take a small moment and think about what that would feel like to you, that intense pain that must of been for him, but he did it for us so we could be able to return to our Father one day, I look forward to that day and I hope to be able to say " I did all i could, i served and loved as you would have asked us to do!"

to go with Easter here is a Reflections of Christ Slideshow:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oteno81QzzQ&feature=related

Grey's Anatomy Musical- Ending song

2011-04-03T22:29:00.000-06:00

this song, just hit me....I wish I had the someone I was "made" for!

the winds of change and thinking

2011-03-19T19:36:00.002-06:00

I guess the winds of change have come, it is interesting to watch, as I have wrote in my own personal journal almost every day since Jan, and now it is starting to fall back a bit, I tend to fail at journal writing when I am happier, and tend to leave the happy moments and I know that is wrong so my goal right now is to at least write once a week.
Some thing came to me as I was talking to a person who I had not seen in about 3 or 4 yrs, this was a person I grew up with and totally looked up too and as I tried to dance around what my life has been come, sort of out of I don't want to bore people and sort of out of I get tired of people thinking my life sucks and then I HUGE part is that I failed.......now I know I did have parts to it, but for me to think I failed is WRONG!
but as I talked to this person for a few mins he knew I was hiding my life and I knew he knew that and finally I was like well I am going through a divorce
S was like "I am sorry to hear that"
my instant responds today was...."don't be, my life is better now, I know there is a plan, and that I will be okay" I have not sat back and been sad that he left, it was his choice, not mine, he made the choice to walk away from his family, he made the choice to not get help with our marriage when he thought it needed help, granted he said he did say he tried talking to me and I know there was moments of toughness which every marriage has, but I NEVER saw that our marriage was that gone, I was even up till the moment he told me, totally in love with David, and I spent all Christmas trying to find the "perfect" gift to help him as I knew he was not happy but could not figure out what was causing it all.

as I look back on my facebook comments for the month of December I should have seen something here is a few:

Dec.13
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. ~Robert Brault

Dec.15
sometimes finding the wording you need to a question is not always a easy as you think it should be........What do you belief and what do belief in are LARGE questions that can be easily answered except when you need to put it in writing and then all words run away :)

Dec 17
Is tired...............I need some things to be different soon, I can’t handle all the stresses.....................the good, and the bad.........I just want to figure out where my peace is this month!

Dec 24
To bed I go this was one long day and I am sure tomorrow is going to feel close to the same way........try hard to find joy and peace in everything right now....trying to figure me out......sleep might help!

Dec.27
dance like no one is watching, love like no one is watching, be who you are even if some one is watching just be the best YOU who ever that is just be the person you NEED to be!
(this was the night David told me he was not sure he wanted to be married anymore, so our last date night EVER!)

Dec. 28

"Discontent occurs when our outer experiences aren't matching our inner desires....in the early stages, discontent is fairly easy to overlook or conceal from ourselves, but like a glowing ember, the heat of discontent builds slowly over time until it is blazing fire that needs full attention

Dec.29
Trying hard to find peace.....just not totally sure where to look today!

Dec.30
I am up and not happy about it.....ummmm hopefully I can go back to sleep maybe should be one of those crazy people and go running in the morning.....nope sleep I think it is, let hope my mind will shut off and go back to sleep!

my eyes are so sore from all the tears.....I hope 2011 turns out to be a GREAT year.....trying to find the balance between it all....it has been along 5 yrs, I just need to figure out how to be the best mom and the best wife and have the balance it takes to give them all what they need I love my A.David Mousir so much, I just hope he can truly see that...I have my weakness I know I am not perfect but I am trying....

Jan 1
well welcome 2011......I see this month at least being a tough one but this could be longer.....hopefully not, now to do my emails to see I can change when kids are going to school so I don't spread myself out too thin!

Jan2
has a little more peace today.... thankful for a bishop who trys to help us through our tough times.....but I know this is going to be a rough start to the New Year lets hope it gets better from here...I know it is not going to get better over night but lets hope sooner than later!
(the first meeting with the bishop, David said he would stay and try to work on the marriage)

Jan 3

blah and but i have found a little peace, trying to see the sun shining through the clouds....love is not something you are just given you need to earn it....but we all do deserve some love!

Jan 5

slowly finding me amongst the craziness of life been nice to focus on me for a few days I feel AMAZING! now to keep it going!
(tonight was the worst night ever! I will add this post in one day......but this is the day, I found out about the other woman being more than a friend, this was a person, I had asked for him to delete from his friends for a while now, but he told me that she was just a "friend")

Jan6

is done like a turkey.........
....trying to be positive with all that has happened....I know I have a long road of tears but I know things are going to turn out for the BEST.....2011 is going to be a good year at least that is what I am telling myself......positive thinking remember :)
(David flat out lied to the bishop again, after telling me earlier in the day he was done and was not going to try and more, told the bishop he would still keep trying!)

Jan 7

I hurt so much today.....everyone says that this gets easier but I lack the patience I want it better NOW or maybe even yesterday....I didn't ask for this pain EVER

Jan 9

is thankful for family and friends who are supporting me through this rough spot it means alot, I really thought I was going to be alone.....I am at least not alone in the "facebook world"
(I told this bishop today it was done, there was no going back on this, i hurt but I was DONE!)

Jan11
yes I am a angry person right now, and I don't know how to change that right now, and I might be a horrible person for that......it is going to take more than 2 weeks to be able to honestly deal with this and alot of counseling......I need to relearn who I am and what that means.......and rethink my hopes and dreams......and hope I am able to get past my anger some

Jan 12

I know I am not perfect but I do know that I am worth and I deserve to be loved!

Jan 16

......hurt and anger sadly get you a clean house :) feeling nice, still have a LONG way to get it where I want it but 1.5 rooms closer to my home......
(the day after David left)

Jan 19

to say one person didn't try in a relationship would mean you gave them the info to let them try and make it better.....to walk away with it all bottled up doesn't help anyone....failure to try doesn't help anyone most of all yourself!

Jan 21

Love is a choice you make from moment to moment.

--Barbara De Angelis

is thankful for Jesus Moreno who kept me company for the evening making me laugh, I so much being close to him and all the guys, they know how to make a person feel super special these boys have good moms back in Mexico....they have been taught well!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
okay it was maybe a little more than a few, but I can see the good days even now that I know on the bad days, I was letting my emotions or a fight I had with David control how I have felt.

I am stronger today that I have been in a LONG time..... I know they say the normal grieving time is about 2 yrs, I am really for the most part done grieving him, I miss being married, I miss having a best friend to talk to to share my excitement and my joys and the kids joys, but I don't miss feeling like I could not go out, I don't miss feeling like I need to keep my testimony or belief in my God quiet and feel like I was not allowed to be to strong in my belief, I don't miss feeling like I was dumb, I don't miss feeling like I did not know how to cook (my kids have lived this far) I don't miss feeling lonely even when I had a partner in my home with me.......I feel AMAZING, I LOVE doing things for me, I have LOVED going to play basketball, I know I am not the best at it but no one makes me feel dumb, if I do something wrong they help me.....I love having friends to talk to on the tough days, I love finding me and I am loving the fact that I am finding my self confidence that I am not sure I have had in many years, I still struggle daily wondering if people like me even though I know there are people that do, I struggle daily thinking I am not the best mom...but by who's bar?, I struggle with the positiveness I need to know I will do good in school (I am scared as hell about that one), I struggle daily with feeling less than perfect, I struggle daily with my self esteem but I know it is all slowly coming together and I know that I will be the best me soon here and I know the best me will be AMAZING! (I had to put that out there, not feeling it yet but trying too)

Thank S for making me think!

2011-03-18T13:36:00.000-06:00

I have not seen something that has stood out to me so much in along time, I know without a doubt that I am on the right path I have not looked back for more than a moment to say "WOW" even in the last 61 days, 13 hours, 8 minutes and 57 seconds Or 2 months, 2 days, 13 hours, 8 minutes, 57 seconds.

Hindsight is 20/20 they say.
The further away I get from the toxic mess that was my marriage and the tragic person I used to be, the better I see how truly messed up the whole situation was.
I've had recent exposure to more of his emotional abuse lately, and having been away from it for a while it comes as a startling surprise that abuse is exactly what I was exposed to, and unfortunately it's not all past tense.
I know I'm not the same person I used to be, but am I strong enough now to deal with more devastating blows from him?
I know for a fact that he will lash out in my direction again more than once and in all his classic ways. I have that same knot in my stomach of ugly anticipation, my hands start shaking, my heart pounding, and am fighting with all that I have not to run or buckle. but when it comes, I can now stop and say (with the help of a great counsellor) what is the immediate danger here? where is your bar? and who set that bar? who set your guilt? YES, he does have the ability to say the right things to hurt, BUT I have the choice of how I react to it all and in the end am I being the best me in that moment?
I'm stronger now than I have ever been, because I support and tools, I still feel fragile at times when I'm dealing with him,but this is my time to stand up for me. finally finding my voice.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have had many tears and many panic attacks that I was not going to be a good enough mom, that I am going to let my kids down, that I would never be loved again.....but I know that is now not true at all....the kids are doing well with everything probably better than me sadly but at that very same point we have picked up and moved on pretty good. To honestly say that I have not cried or morned for my marriage would be a lie BUT to say that I have looked back and saw now what life was and to say I don't want that is about where I am.
I am getting stronger every day, and every week. I was very much questioning everything from who I was to what I believed in....this shock me right to very bottom of my own foundation BUT I stood up and became the person I know that my Heavenly Father would be proud of. I don't always talk religion because I know some get uneasy by it so if that is you, just skip over this part!

I have amazing Bishop who has worked very closely with me to find my spiritual well being, I lacked self confidence in many areas of my life and this was one of them, I thought by this point God did not love me, I made some bad choice to try and make myself feel good and bad through it all, some of them I am proud of and some of them I an not so proud of, but the bishops counsel was to go to the temple, find the feeling you need.

The first time going was the HARDEST thing, I have done since being separated and on the course to divorce. I was so angry and felt bad for feeling angry but I hurt so much for all the things he threw away for this. At that moment I was most alone I have ever felt since this started but at that same very point I wasn't alone, I went with close friends because I knew this would be a hard time. I am glad I did go with friends. In the end I knew without a doubt that it was where I wanted to be, and I wanted to be close to my Lord, I could feel him close around me, his hand on my shoulder saying yes you can do this. but still I was so Angry at David it was so hard. Those mixed feelings were there for a few days.

I then went to my counselling appointment the next week and told him how I had felt and his counsel then was go once a week till you can feel the peace, he said is normally 3 to 4 weeks, but the first time is normally the angry which made me feel so much better! I am normal :)

I have continued to go once a week since and just so amazing how it has changed how i deal with life, I am not as over whelmed by it all, I seem to be able to do it better.....than I was better, not to say I have not had tears or anger since but I am able to deal with it all a little better, I know without a doubt I am on the right track and one day the divorce will be done and I will truly be able to move forward with my life and find the happiness I deserve!

_____________________________________________________________________________

Big moments that had happened:
I have started counselling--best choice I have EVER made as I am trully finding out WHO I am and slow getting a little of a back bone, and the power to stand up for me and the kids.
I have applied for school--I start April 26th doing my English 30 and if all goes right I will enter into Grant MacEwan in Sept for a Special Needs Teacher Assistant.
I have started to go to a women's basketball night every Thursday, I am not the best but when I do something awesome they make me feel awesome for it which is helping me tons! little did they know they would be a form of counselling :)

Lots of little things too but the sun is starting to shine and the clouds are slowly starting to move to the side which makes everything a little better!

Lonley nights

2011-01-26T20:51:00.000-07:00

Lonley nights.......oh what do you do.....I could clean but really how much fun would that be? I could pack more of David's things but again what fun would that be?

I am trying not to get depressed but I think I am slowly slipping there.....I know that this is the right choice beyond all other things but it is not easy, I miss being able to go out by myself and just wonder walmart or superstore just to do things to make me smile.....now I sit here wondering if the silence well ever go away, I just want someone to talk too and not feel like I am bugging someone.....

I have not add back any of my inlaws even though they have asked because I just feel I need some space from them right now, I need to know I have 1 safe spot to vent and be angry I am so tired of hearing that I should not be angry anymore......he has only been gone a week and 4 days I only got about a months notice that my life was not going to be how I pictured anymore that is alot for a person to take

the hardest post to do for me.....

2011-01-22T23:33:00.001-07:00

probably the hardest post a person has to do......

I wish this was easier........

to say I knew it was coming would be a lie.... to say now looking back that I shouldn't have saw it would be a lie....

About this time a week ago, David moved out of the house!
Is this a temporary thing? NO sadly I wish I could say it was because I truly do love him, well that is not totally true, I love the David I married, this is not him. David has changed alot some good things and some bad, but on Dec 27th David told me that he was not sure he wanted to be apart of the "family" anymore he loved the kids but he was no longer sure he loved me!
Looking back after 3 weeks that was the day the marriage was truly done from there on it was over sadly he said he would try but there was never a "try" the 3 weeks living together was the hardest thing for me, I heard him say things a wife should NEVER have to hear or see from there spouse to other people, but it sadly gave me the closure I need to be able to move forward.

I wish there was a easy answer to this all, I wish I didn't have to grieve through this death, but I know I am healing and moving forward....I know there I will be loved again, and my kids will be able to see a healthy loving marriage again, my heart aches for them, I wish they NEVER had to go through this but it will make them stronger in the end, heck even this week that he has been gone I have seen them step up and be strong little kids they have said things that break my heart and then they have said things that make me so proud. I love my kids so much, I know that is Davids reason for walking away, because I spent to much time on the kids but would I change that for a moment.........HELL NO, I know I have done what is right for my kids through all of there struggles, and they are the kids they are because I have spent so much time with them I am thankful for the chance I had to do that, I am sad that they will go back into the school system next year but at that same point it will be a good thing for them, and I will hopefully be going with them well not with them but back to school as well to better myself and support my kids and my family the best I can!

I am thankful for a God that Loves me and is helping through this spot and for friends and family that are standing behind me and cheering me along the way, I know I have done alot of this myself for along time, I guess it is just different now not having anyone else to blame if things don't get done! but I am stepping up to the plate and doing the best I can and I know I will raise more than I have in the last 7 yrs since becoming a mom, I am truly excited to see what is at the end of this rainbow :)

our snow storm

2010-12-16T18:19:00.000-07:00

This is some pictures from our snow strom the other day.....it was a pain to drive in......but we have made it through it all!

Our Family Letter for 2010

2010-12-15T10:32:00.000-07:00

Happy holidays from our family to yours!

The purpose of a holiday newsletter is to keep friends and family updated on the events in your family’s life and share holiday greetings across the miles. So here we go…..

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all, I was not going to write a family letter this year because I thought who would want to hear about our crazy year but then I thought really we have had some good moments, It has been a TOUGH year to say the least but a year of learning and growing and becoming a stronger family unit and hey we came out with our heads above water in the end, things are starting to look up.

The year in review

David was on WCB this year still from the accident in 2008, David was working Part time at Big Rock communications in Okotoks as this was what WCB wanted, in June David was told he could go back to work Full time and that he was fine by WCB, so David went on medical EI as he was not fine his headaches and shaking and almost passing out where not getting better and after working 6hrs he would come home and sleep, making it hard for me to work as well. So July started the fun David gave his notice to Big Rock and we gave our notice at our current rental unit, as we would not be able to afford it without WCB.

We knew David needed to be in Edmonton for medical doctors (his family doctor is there) and the schooling options for the kids was better, so we put everything in storage for the time till we were able to get housing through Edmonton housing.

Aug till September was our big trip….look down a ways to see where we went…

In September we came back to Edmonton as we were told by EI if we did not we would be cut off, we had no place to live when we came back but we followed what we were told and hoped things would fall into place, we camped the first 3 days which was not too bad, many tears were shed by David and I as we worried what life was going to be like, as we came back on the Friday, Monday morning we went to Social assistance another HARD step in our life as we have been able to provide for our family up till this point, I think I cried so much during that that the lady thought I was crazy but this was a HARD thing. But on Tuesday they put us into a motel till we could find something, not a shining moment again but it was not a tent which was nice as it was getting cold. After a week of being there and nothing happening I did call a MLA and see if there was anyway to make finding housing a little easier as we seemed to be slipping through a lot of cracks and it was becoming hard on the kids and us, we were in a room with 2 beds and a kitchen, the kitchen was nice but it was hard to be in that small of a place, on Sept 16 we were able to get into our own home through Edmonton housing 2 and a half weeks of not knowing is along time when you have kids who NEED structure so I am glad that it moved quickly. And we are slowly starting to adjust to a smaller place; we know in 2011 we will move again within Edmonton housing as this is not big enough for what we need because all 3 kids are in the same room right now because we need a place for therapy for Dallin, but its a place where we are safe.

Hoping for many good things to come in 2011.

Update the kids:

Dallin, turned 7 this year and has come along so much, watching him learn and grow is such a joy and a blessing, I have enjoyed homeschooling Dallin for the last couple years, but as of November I am now sharing that with a teacher through Edmonton Public, he is in a reach out program and we are working to try and get Dallin back into a classroom that will work for him and allow him to grow and become more and more amazing. Dallin teaches us so many new and amazing things and to learn how to think within his box and outside of his box!

Dallin is still doing Therapy for the Autism 10hrs a week which has helped him come along way, in Feb they (the government) will decided how much he will get for another year, but from 4yrs ago our little boy has changed so much, he know can fully communicate with us, there are days we still use some signing or pictures but less and less mainly now when he is stressed, we are working his anxiety levels as they are still very high, Dallin finds is very tough to go out in the real world as the sounds are a lot, if stop and think when you are in a store about all the different things going on and then to a child with extremely sensitive hearing think of all the extra stuff he hears that we don’t even think of. I know Dallin will change and grow some more this year and I am looking forward to it. He is a true blessing to our family he loves and cares for his siblings so much now, to even think oh his Christmas list he wanted to put the things his siblings wanted so they would be happy, bless his little heart, I hope he always remains so sweet and kind as he gets older.

Dallin is still in love with his Pet shop animals and is starting to want his own animals, he told us he wants a fish because it would be a quiet pet!

Joshua turned 6 this year, for some of the year Joshua has had specialized services as well to help his with some of his challenges, but at the end of July the Calgary office said he was considered mild which means you fall between the cracks in the system, so we are trying to get Joshua the services he needs as his ADHD (well the label the doctors gave him in Calgary….not the one I think he has but another topic) is becoming harder to handle with age, he is a very very smart boy when he puts it in the effort, Joshua is being homeschooled this year as well, but doing a online component and loving it, he loves this computer a little to much some days in my mind for his age, but I am told this is normal now! Joshua is working so hard his speech delay is there a little still but nowhere close to where we were, Good Job Joshua on your hard work. Joshua still loves his cars and can’t wait for Disney’s Cars 2 to come out next year. He loves those fast cars!

Sara turned 4 this year where has time gone, it feels like just yesterday that she was born! A lot has happened in those 4 yrs for everyone in our family.

Sara is a true girl, FULL of drama we have never seen. She has taught us all a ton, she is very patient until it is something she wants and then she wants it right now, she struggled really hard this summer with the boys both have a aid or a friend as we call them and she was so alone, I think it was the first time that all this therapy the boys are doing became super hard on her. She loves her brothers and very much wants to help them all the time, if the don’t get what they are asked to do quick enough she is one of the first people to tell them again or bring it too them. Sara has learned a lot of skills early in her life, she amazes me every day, she dresses her self might not be what I like but hey she did it! And currently we are learning to spell our name as September Sara will be able to go to kindergarten, and I know that will be an AMAZING thing for her she wants to get out and see the world but at that same point a momma girl, I will take it well I can I am sure it will change later in life.

A special message from our family

I would like to thank all our family and friends that have helped us this year to continue to make it amazing for our kids so that they have not noticed many of the struggles, we truly feel loved. We miss those that were close to us in Calgary, and we miss those that are in Ontario and who have still not meet us all, you are all in our thoughts and prayers

I know I have not put a ton of things on this letter, but if you ever want to keep up with our family feel free to check out our family blog, I do try to keep it some what up to date but some months are harder than others depending what is going on. W e love to hear from everyone. We hope everyone a happy and safe 2011 and that you are able to find the peace in your lives that you need.

Season’s greetings!

From the Mousir Family

David, Christine, Dallin, Joshua and Sara

….We all fall down, it is the getting back up that really counts. We all live and we all learn to help someone up when it is there turn! In life there in only one guarantee…. Your feet won’t always be on the ground, as we all fall down sometimes!

Our trip to build a bear

2010-12-14T15:30:00.000-07:00

To Start the Trip off to Build a Bear

The Bears/Dogs before they got life

Listening to the instructions and getting them there life/stuffing!

Giving them there air baths to get rid of the extra hairs

Getting them all dress because you know stuffies need clothes too!

at the computers to name there bears/dogs

Dallin's bear is Colorful
Joshua's dog is Buddy

Sara's bear is Fairy

The finished bears/dog and family phot at build a bear!

Before we left the mall we took a couple photos around the trees with our new friends!

Aunty Tara trying to take a nap with all the new friends!

Day 15- pictures of your Dream house

2010-12-11T15:02:00.001-07:00

Day 15- pictures of your Dream house

I am want a pretty simple house I would like all the bedrooms on one floor

Would love a amazing play room for the kids to play in, with a slide going down to the play room...

and my most amazing part of the dream would be a sensory play room and not just one I would want 2 one that was more of the gym and large movements and then the quiet room the snoezelen room

My dream kitchen would be the cherry wood.....I want lots of counter space and a island the is just the right hieght so you dont hurt your back bending over backing. and I want 2 stoves!

Otherwise now other major dreams, well maybe a soaker tub in the master bath but that is not even a major thing! Every simple for the most part other than my "play rooms"

Day 14-Some pictures you love

2010-12-11T14:29:00.000-07:00

Day 14-Some pictures you love

just some of the photos I love.....I love my family and nature so much!

Day 13-Goals

2010-12-10T14:12:00.000-07:00

Day 13-Goals

I have lots of goals in life, probably the first and most important goal, to learn how to sleep more.....I guess I have few more years for that one!

my personal biggest goal is to not stress about the simple and small things, to enjoy life more

( I am a worrier)

my goal is to help my kids become the best that they can become

and later when the kids are a little older I would like to go back to school and become a:

Occupational therapist!

I would also like to lose a large amount of weight and be alot healthier!

but for the most part I am not a good goal maker or keeper so I don't say much

day 12- what you believe

2010-12-09T17:42:00.000-07:00

This sadly is probably the hardest out this whole challenge! I have loved doing this challenge as it has made me think of my family and friends and why I do things and why I don't and who and how I am! it is amazing the things you learn about yourself and about others.

Beliefs are one of those things I have always been quiets about and I have always tried hard to respect how people feel and what they believe.

Alright. Here it goes....

I believe in living a good life. This means that I show respect to others, even if I do not agree with them. It means that I do my best to be honest, gracious, and take accountability for the choices that I make. I believe in quietly helping people around me, not for praise or glory but because they need help. I believe there is strength in family and friends and that I should show my love and appreciation for them. I believe that I should make a stand for the things I believe are right no matter what the consequences are. I will speak up for myself and be a voice for those who are unable to do so themselves. I believe that faith is a cornerstone in my life and as long as I hold on to my beliefs there is hope for tomorrow.

Day 11 favorite Tv shows

2010-12-08T17:25:00.001-07:00

well that is funny because we have cable and it is hard;y ever turnned on.......so why do we have it......ummm another good question!
when we do remember we watch:
The big bang theroy because it is super funny and we relate to it alot!
and then some of David's favoirtes ( i watch them too but he remembers more than me)are:
2 and a half men
how i met your mother

but really tv is one of those if we remember thing!

Day 10 something you are afraid of

2010-12-07T16:52:00.000-07:00

WOW this list could go on forever, I have alot of fears and as I get older and well learning more about things I have more anxiety issues than I think alot of people normally would.

probably the first thing sadly on my list is, I worry what people think to much, I hate being a reason people are upset or unhappy but learning to get over that one, but I am a person that NEEDS to know when I have done something people like ie: making a cake or a treat I love to know that they LOVED it!

I worry about my kids all the time, I want them to be happy and I don't want them picked on at school, part of the reason I am currently homeschooling as I know what it did to me as a kids, another reason that I have been struggling with them going to church and being picked on and I had that and I played the it is not bothering me card, and well years later it is still bugging something that have happened and still tend to happen.....why people don't get talking badly about people to there face and behind there back is NOT A COOL THING!

I am afraid of mice and most bugs but I think most women are.

I am also afraid of not being the wife I need to be to my husband I do love him dearly.....even the days I want to hang him up.....I do worry alot about him too, he has been through alot in the last 2 yrs since his accident at work.....I do hope things do get better for him one day soon!

Day 9 put your ipod on shuffle first 10 songs

2010-12-06T16:19:00.000-07:00

Day 9 put your ipod on shuffle first 10 songs

feels like home by edwina hayes -

Everybody by Ingrid Michaelson Everybody

It Matters to Me by Faith Hill
Behind The Clouds by Brad Paisley Cars OST

When You Say Nothing At All by Alison Krauss & Union Station A Tribute Album

Fall into me by Sugarland

Didn't Even See the Dust by Paul Brandt

All I Want to Do by Sugarland

Find Yourself by Brad Paisley Cars Soundtrack

Very Last Country Song by Sugarland

They all mean something, some more motivating and others are just fun and get me moving!

Day 8- places you have travelled!

2010-12-04T16:01:00.000-07:00

I have not travelled alot I came to Alberta when I was 2 from Ontario, I have been back 2 times well I was still young, I have sadly never left Canada and for the most part have as a Adult only seen BC, Sad I know!hence the reason I would love to do away!

but I have now seen:
Creston, BC
Kimberly, BC
Smithers, BC
Telkwa, BC
Terrace, BC
Huston, BC
Jasper, AB
Banff, AB
Edmonton and Calgary and Red Deer.....

okay and a few other places but these are the "main" cities I have seen!

Day 7-Favorite Movies

2010-12-03T15:24:00.000-07:00

To be honest about this I really don't have a favorite movie I love and go back to all the time, a couple that I do like is Martian Child because it talks about a child that is different and someone totally takes him in and loves him! and the other one that I have enjoyed for some of the same reasons close to the heart ( I am a emotional person and so I tend to like things I can relate with) that movie is my sisters keeper, it really taught me to remember that I still have more things to focus on than a diagnosis!

Day 6 — A song that makes you cry {or nearly and why}

2010-12-02T21:33:00.002-07:00

Day 6 — A song that makes you cry {or nearly and why}

This is a song that holds a near and dear meassage to me.....it came out just after Dallin was dignosis with Autism....many tears were shead, as I needed the faith to know things were going to be okay....things have been okay but there is a long dark road that we still face every day, what tomorrow will be.....but we have more faith today than we did that first day!

Day 5- pictures of things that make you happy

2010-12-02T21:05:00.000-07:00

Day 5- pictures of things that make you happy

My kids

My HERO'S

(next to there father)

but after watching and looking back what they have all gone through in the last 4yrs....they have dealt with it all well....better than us some days!

I love the mountains and the beauty from them, they are breath taking at times!

and pictures that just take my mind away to think!

I am a very simple person and I think trully most things that make me happy lead back to my family, spending time with them and enjoy the time....

I love time away with David to just think about life and where we are going, the pluses and the negatives...

we have have come along way in our 8yrs....and we have had some true rough spots!

Day 4---something you look forward too

2010-12-02T20:48:00.000-07:00

Day 4---something you look forward too

right now I think the BIGGEST thing on my list would a vacation.....

far away from here!

currently there are 3 places I would like to go......

Toronto

My birth place, and we almost all my extend family is on my mom and dads side....

I would like to go and introduce my family to them vs through pictures, they have NEVER even met David...and I would like to take my kids to wonderland because I remember it being AMAZING!

Mexico

Ana is there and I miss her so much, she was a sweet sweet girl I was able to spend a winter with in Canada and learn a TON about there ways, and learned how to make corn shells like her, and anyone who has had them says they are amazing....just a ton of work, and it is crazy because they make them almost every day, the basics that is what we miss in Canada so much

and Jesus who is still in Canada but in Calgary, I would like to go when he is there, and spend time with the two of them and see the special spots of Mexico that they so love.

I am grateful that David got to work with Jesus and form such a amazing bond, I love all those guys he worked with that were from Mexico the sweetest guys they care so much about there friends, and I was privileged to be one of the "special" friends!

Tennessee

The person how has truly become my best friend......lives here, I would to go spend sometime there my Angie and get to know her and her kids more and Mr. Luke....

We have help each other through MANY tough times....and I am so glad that she has been able to be a good friend and listen to me....

and I would like to feel some WARMTH in my life too....

Day 3-Your siblings and parents

2010-12-02T20:29:00.000-07:00

Day 3-Your siblings and parents

(the last time we were all together for a photo was our wedding in 2002)

I honestly wish I could say we were all closer.

I have two bothers both younger,

Jeremy is probably the brother I have always looked up to and been the closet too being that we are only 18months apart we did alot together we went to school and he was always just a year behind my and the teachers always would say why are you not more like your brother? but he got why are you not like your sister?

He was super smart without studying or trying in class and got AWSOME grade

I studied my butt off and either just past or failed....

always been one of those things.....some days I would still like his care free days being single and playing! but I wonder some days if he wouldn't want my life deep down and just says nothing!

Matthew is the baby and now he has his wife and kids too....

I don't have a up to date one as of yet.....I will look, Matthew and I have always just been there, I do remember doing more for him as a kid but now that we are older we do a few things together a year but sadly that is about it.....maybe one days as we get older we will get along better, but they have 2 boys and he married a girl named Christine too......actually she is me....we have the same first and middle and not she has my maiden name that I dropped!

my Mom and Dad....

over the years they have done the best they can.....I know I was not the easiest kid to raise but they tired.

My Dad....is my Hero

he is a man that did not get much schooling in his life but has tried to help raise his family the best he can, sure there are many things he could have done different but he TRIED and that is the most important thing!

My Mon is my other Hero

She has been through alot in life too but has tried the best she knew to be a GREAT mom.....we have NOT always seen eye to eye but that is okay makes us who we are....

The hardest day in my life was when my parents separated and then the second hardest days was when I was told is was almost final....I found out 10mins after I had been married that in 10days it would be final....I wish I didn't find out that way but I cant take that back, it has made me work a heck of alot harder at my marriage and not do the things I saw that made there marriage fall apart. They are both amazing people, just on different paths right now.

My Mom has since remarried Charlie and she loves him dearly....

He is not my Dad and it has taken me along time to adjust to him, but I am slowly learning to let him into our world a bit more all the time, he is a good guy but for anyone and I think a adult it is even harder to let someone in to a spot that was always someone Else's!

And then the other side.....not that they are not important too....

I got another set of parents that most days, I love dearly(I cant say every day because then I would be lying) and a Sister in Law...

and a set of Grandparents (so my kids have great grandparents)

this is all of last year at thanksgiving in Kimberly, Bc

if one thing this family has taught me is the BC is BEAUTIFUL.....I LOVE IT!

There is many other things they have taught me, my mom in law has taught me alot about baking and the joys that come from it which I some how missed a a youth....

This in my family.....most days I do love them all.....

I take them for what they are all of them!

Day 2 something that stresses you out

2010-11-20T00:00:00.000-07:00

Sorry I am not doing so well at every day so I am aiming for 1 a week right now!

Day 2- Something that stresses you out

I have no stress in my life............ummmmmmm that would be a lie, I could dream but totally a lie. I think I could write a book on how to stress a woman out a yet I am still standing to round of applause's for that.

I think my current stress would be about Mr Joshua, I love him so much and that is probably why it stresses me out soooooooo much. Do I keep him at home and home school or do I try to get him into a special class......we keep going back and forth, I really thought I could home school him but I feel like he needs more than I can offer and that stresses me out but more than anything I want him to learn and be happy and I think that is the part he is missing is being trully happy, as much as Joshua is a awkwardly social kids, he ENJOYS being around other kids, and well being at home there is not a ton of that, and with running around for Dallin and David I feel like putting him in something would make me want to pull my hair out. the frustrating part to me is I KNEW without a doubt I was suppose to home school him but now I am like was it just for the little time.....So for me to get my true answers I am going to start calling different schools to see the different programs and see if there is the option of Jan......who knows I just feel like I am not being the best mom and teacher right now for him because he is so all over the place and hard to get focused, still a hard spot.

Another of my million stresses, I think there is a true reason I put this on off....because I could write a novel about my stresses....don't get me wrong though I LOVE my life!

I love my David so much, and I stand behind him because of that fact(while beside him) David had been through a ton in the last 2 years, I wonder some days if we will ever see the light of WOW you are better totally or not but most days I try not to get down about it because it does not help him, but now that his EI medical has run out he is starting to have to look for work as his family doctor says constant migraines is not a reason to not work.....HAHAHAHA so here we are trying to figure it all out, and now social assistance is trying to do the push to get him back to work too....all good but I just hope it is not to much and makes him worse again, though he is starting to notice the PT has helped his migraine a bit, he says they don't spike like they were it is now more of a constant so we are getting somewhere in my mind. David is also applying for school too so hopefully he is able to get into school and better himself that way!

Sleep.....who needs that.....according to Sara she would think no one does, he has been getting up with the sun between 5-6am but thinking she should stay up till 10-11pm driving us NUTS! we have been pulling out our hair about her.....the fact that all 3 had been sleeping in the same room makes this all tough, as of tonight Sara is sleeping in the play room as I said she need some just Sara time and she has a bin of her toys she can play with when she wakes up but she is not to wake up her brothers, as they are kids that NEED there sleep and they are getting grouchy and then mommy and daddy get grouchy it is not a pretty world at all so here is to better sleeping nights so all my make it through this part of life! I don't care anymore if she sleeps on a air mattress in the play room as long as we all get SLEEP!

My biggest stress in the world trully though and probably the closest thing to my heart, is my kids being picked on (other than money stresses but really who doesn't have all those) Dallin is just a kind and soft child who LOVES to make people happy, people sad make him sad and he will sometimes just start crying because others are....I have had to advocate alot for him lately as he was picked on at church and when it was brought up they told me he might have to learn not to be so sensitive, anyone that knows about Autism knows that statement is totally out there, you can not just brush some of these things off like that, I was going to totally let this ruin church for us all because I was like this is not something I should be having to deal with, than one day i woke up and was like WRONG this is something I NEED to fight for, Dallin deserves to go to church and Dallin deserves to not be picked on.....when Christ came to the earth who did he spend the largest amount of time with......the children....Dallin is a amazing little boy and has so much to offer if people would just stop to listen to him for a moment and feel of his love and peace.... He is one of my many hero's (all my kids and David are) but i love that it takes so much for him to get mad that people are mean to him.

I do love my life, I know I do have some stresses in life, but none that I can't seem to handle without a little bit of screaming.....but what would life be without a little bit of angry to know the true happiness and joys of life!

15 Day Challenge--Day 1 Self portrait picture, and 15 interesting facts

2010-11-10T20:39:00.001-07:00

Self portrait picture, and 15 interesting facts

one of my favorite past times!

having fun with the camera well david was in the hospital

me at a trip away with David

15 interesting facts

1. I think I would have to start with is I dislike pictures of myself...not sure if it is really intresting but was hard to even find these ones...

2. I hate socks, shoes, boots anything that make your feet hot! Yes I do live where it does get to minus 40 so I do have to put the sandels away sometimes but I hold on as long as possible.

3.I dislike being late, in my mind late is about 15 mins early for things, now with kids that makes it a little more fun but we try and often David says to me I need to be easier on myself because the kids do add to us not being on time all the time.

4.I like sitting in the back where ever I am cause I love to watch people

5. I need to sit on the edge of a long row as I get anxitey of not being able to get out or disturb people if I do need out in the middle of things.

6. I go to bed way to late, because after the kids go to bed, we try to clean up a bit and then zone out on the computer after a long day

7. I one day want to go back to school and become a OT, untill then I am just helping my kids figure it out.

8. I tear up when other kids do something you can see they were struggling with, they dont have to even be mine.

9. I am a control freak, I am the main person to drive when we go out because other peoples driving scares me

(I am getting better with age)

10. I am super sensitve, I need lots of positive feedback, I always second guess what I am doing weather it is about me or about the kids.

11. I lack movtiation to make new friends because I HATE putting myself out there to get hurt, sadly this year alone I had to lose 2 best friends to stand up for my family and kids.

12. I worry that I am not the best mom for my kids, that someone would and could do a better job for them, even though I know that is not true just most days overwhelemed by what God thinks I can handle

13. I have never left Canada

14. I love making cakes for people, because I love seeing the smile on there face.

15. I struggle with winter, I need to see the sun and go out....it makes me happy when I am looked in to long I go crazy!

15 Day Challenge

2010-11-10T19:47:00.002-07:00

I have seen this on a few of my friends blogs, I read/stalk so I thought I would try this myself.....I might not do it everyday but I am going to try and maybe well others learn a bit about me I will as well....
I challenge anyone who hasn't seen this to try this..........

15 Day Challenge

since there haven't been any questionnaires or anything really different for awhile here is one and who ever wants to join in feel free it'll be fun to learn a little more about each other.....

{can't guarantee that I'll remember everyday but I'll try to but here is ....}

Day 1-Self portrait picture, and 15 interesting facts

Day 2- Something that stresses you out

Day 3-Your siblings and parents

Day 4- Something you're looking forward to

Day 5- pictures of things that make you happy

Day 6 — A song that makes you cry {or nearly and why}

Day 7-Favorite movies

Day 8-A place you've traveled to

Day 9- Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs

Day 10-Something you're afraid of

Day 11-Favorite tv shows

Day 12-What you believe

Day 13-Goals

Day 14-Some pictures you love

Day 15- pictures of your Dream house

Struggling

2010-10-31T16:19:00.000-06:00

*I know I have not been most positive person as of late, but for me this is a palce for me to vent and say how I feel this trully....I want to look back one day and see the good and the bad because without the bad, we would never turlly know good! Thank you to those of you that trully do support me through the good and the bad!*

Struggling, yep I am trying so hard to be positive and find the place where we need to be. We knew we strongly we need to be in Edmonton, and now we are like why?

*The doctor we thought would fight for David is saying he is fine by WCB doctors but he is not!
-is it rebounding heads? we have no clue he has done 2 weeks with no meds.....but I know he was better when he was off all the meds he is on now, that the doctors say will make him feel better....so many factors in this one, the medical world is no fun at all

*David's EI medical ran out as of the 30th of Oct. and his doctor will not sign him off more.
-yes we can apply for regular EI and we still have our social assistance, not both roads we either enjoy but yet the help is there......just the pride and the desire to do it on our own is tough.
*David's has started Physical Therapy, it is starting to help a bit, she said his OA joint is completely blocked, she said it is like pushing on a 2by4 and it should be flexible.---so hopefully that will help.
-I am hoping this starts working quick as he is only allowed so many covered and then it becomes out of pocket and well the pocket does not have enough....
*We are greatful for the place we did get because it got us out of the motel and moving forward a bit but:
1. the area is horrible-already had things stolen from our yard
2. the 1 neighbour we have (we are a end unit) is horrible, we have had to call the police on them about noise and we must keep our doors closed almost all the time as the do drugs and we can smell that which is hard because on the main floor that is the only window!

3. church.....that is a whole another topic.....
*David is starting apply to schools which a AWSOME thing, the motivation to do something he able to do is totally coming together, this accident did a ton to him emotionally, the fact you cant proved for your family is a hard thing, but he is trying.
*We have also been actively looking for a job for him still, until he is able to get into school so we are able to get ourselves back on our feet and not depending on others to help us.
*financial burdens is no fun at all!

we are here!

2010-09-23T11:16:00.000-06:00

I know I have been missing in action for awhile, this has been one of the hardest times emotionally for me. it is so different when there is tough times and you have one safe spot to go hide, we had no where, well at one point the tent and then the motel, but nor really quiet time without my kids or even my husband to think about all the little and huge things going on. I feel blessed that our trial did not last as long as it could have but at the same point it has taught me that life can change in a moment and there is not much you can do but hold on as tight as you can to get over the bump.
The sad part is through this all I have drawn closer to the man that I call my higher being, I now he is helping us, the sad part to it all is that it has left me rethinking where life is too and church all that fun, I have some amazing friends at church that I love so much but there is alot of people I feel looked down upon, I hope that will change or we will change to make it work, I know what I know and I believe what I do, but weather we go to church everyweek or not does not make us bad people....just need to figure it all out again, it is that adjusting, now granted I have not been to the new "ward" so we will see!
I Love my God and I know he is amazing......it is the people that we have to remember that we are all not perfect even me.....I know I am not without a doubt.
Anyways, new topic.....We did get into our new house last week... a week today, it has been a great feeling to have something that is mine well ours! It is taking some time to get things the way I want as we went form a duplex to a very small 3 bedroom townhouse that does not even really have a basement so what we have done is put all 3 kids in the same room and we are using the one room for a play room and therapy room as we need a place for that. We do have a crawl spot which gives us lots of storgae which is nice. It is just going to take some time to get use to the new world we have.....it is all coming together.
Emotionally, everyone will live through this all.....it is making us stronger some how......i love my family they mean the world to me, even when they make me feel like I am going to pull my hair out.

Alittle update

2010-08-23T00:42:00.001-06:00

So a quick update on things, we are still in BC in Telkwa, but we will be heading out this week back to Alberta.
Do we have a place to live yet?
the answer would be NO!!!!!!!!!!
So you ask why are we leaving BC?
Well, we went in to get a form signed for Edmonton housing by the BC service office(EI) and found out that when you are on EI normal or medical you can still not travel you must be at home.....(hahahaha funny when you dont have a home), but the guy wrote a note and gave us a week, so we are doing the getting ready thing now so we are not rushed and so we have a bit more room this time and a bit happier kids, if we have to sleep in the van on the cold nights vs camping.
We are trying to make some phone calls from here to see if we can get things moving on the other end well we are here, again another reason we need to be there very very hard to do things for Alberta government or city of Edmonton when you are not there.

Am I scared?
A bit but not as much as I think I should be, camping for a month would not be ideal but it would not kill us either, but we know we do have somewhere to go after the long weekend, not again a permanent thing, which I would really like right now but somewhere save and sound, and where there would be love.

Thank you to all the family and friends who have been supporting us through this long struggle......there is a little at the end of the tunnel but it feels like it is going to be a long tunnel!

Trip to Tyhee lake and a try at family photos

2010-08-21T12:52:00.000-06:00

We went up to the Tyhee Lake which is about15mins ish from David's parents place in Telkwa, it is was really nice and relaxing....we took some family photos there are a couple good ones and then the kids being silly! we had fun though and that is all the matters right?
Christine

the bike ride

2010-08-09T22:57:00.001-06:00

so it has been one of those days, I woke up and went for a run/walk (still working on the full run thing) and that was great, and then we took the kids to the park on a bike ride, and still I felt like I need something and sometime away......just alot on my mind and alot of stress.......so I went for another bike ride by myself.....all good, I am going down a big hill and something did not sound right.....to look down and NOPE they were not all okay, the chain had come off by the plastic guard coming off and getting caught in the chain......

now, I was okay I am sort of making it out worse than it was but still kinda scary!

but I totally fixed and finished my ride down to the lakes (2 come together 2 make one)

Took some pictures and sat for a few minutes and then headed home....

here are some of the pictures.....there is a beauty here that is not found in the city!

I am ALIVE!

2010-08-09T00:43:00.000-06:00

I know I have not totally finished updating how the trip up here was but I thought I would let everyone know that I am ALIVE, this has been a interesting turn in my life, I always thought it would be nice to live in a small town.......I WAS WRONG! I DISLIKE it alot I am very very much a city girl, I need lots of attention and love and shopping (not always to buy, but I love looking) and well......there is alot of pretty views here not that same thing, I feel like a animal in a cage and you only get out once and awhile......now granted I have slowed down a bit and learned a little more patience that I needed to learn but I want my city back not persay the "big"city I would be okay with a small city but I like the action in life. I like options of shopping....and I like a big ward of church......for some reason I like to not be noticed all the time but when you are it is okay to but here the branch is as big as the primary back in Calgary.....though they are sweet people, and I did love it today just very very very different. And yes DIFFERENT is OKAY......we still don't have to LOVE it!
I would love to be able to have the best of both worlds and I think that is some of it right now, I know we are here for at least a month but even then we are not totally sure, it is all a waiting game hopefully we will get some answers this week that would be super nice!

to the play park and water fun

2010-08-03T23:00:00.003-06:00

After we got back from Huston the kids still wanted to run around so we went to the park and then came home and played in the water because it was super hot here!

a trip to Huston.....and not the Texas one, the one in BC!

2010-08-03T22:25:00.000-06:00

So we went to Huston to see the worlds largest fly fishing pole.

We here so lets go on a day trip now to Terrace!

2010-08-02T21:27:00.000-06:00

On the way to Terrace we stopped in Moricetown, it was amazing to watch them fish this way, a talent that would take a special person....I did jump when I watched how they killed them, again I am a city girl through and through so all new to me....but very very peaceful watching the lake and this people as there is no rush patiance is a HUGE thing....

we are here!

2010-08-02T20:58:00.000-06:00

have not totally settled in yet but I will add some more updates later this week we have had alot of adventures up to this point!

Day 3

2010-08-01T21:14:00.000-06:00

From McBride to Prince George

stopped to do a little shopping and meet Grandma and Grandpa Mousir

from there we stopped in Burns Lake to see the flower car

and then we went all the way to Telkwa.

we got in about 1am, we had a quiet ride from Prince George as we let Grandma and Granpa have the kids so we took pictures to make sure we stayed awake it was such a beautiful drive.

The beauty is so amazing breath taking at times, very very different than city life!

how Joshua feel asleep that night......

2010-07-31T23:34:00.000-06:00

Day 2

today we went from Banff, AB to

Icefields Parkway stopped there for a break and then on too..

McBride, B.C.

stopped there and camped for the night

2010-07-30T23:19:00.001-06:00

the start of the trip...there are 3 kids in there!

set up the tent in the dark, oh so much fun!

and the nice sleeping kids.

the end of day 1 it was a long day but i know it is only the start to another whole different world.

I am scared......HECK YA! but will I live......HECK YA! and will l learn to love this.....HECK YES!

2010-07-18T19:35:00.000-06:00

Last night well talking to my mom, she said what you are going through is more than faith, I thought about this long and hard after I hung up the phone.

Faith is an amazing thing to me; I know that where I have been and where I am now would not have happened without that faith. There has been many times in tears to say to my Heavenly Father, are you sure you picked the right person for this? And every time I have got a strong answer back saying YES!

What we are going through right now is no different, Yes we have no home as of July 31st, am I upset and scared? Heck ya! Who wouldn’t be? All our personal belongings that we don’t need to live for the moment are going into storage as of this weekend…..is that going to be tough HECK YA! But will we survive? HECK YA!

I am hoping and praying to get some answers soon, hopefully Monday ish because they did say a week once you get all your forms in….(for those who did not know we applied for Edmonton housing)

So in answer to my mom, yes there are a lot of mornings I wake up right now sad and unsure of where we are going, but I know we are doing what is right for our family right now.

We are going to go to Telkwa, BC for a minimum of a month, as David’s parents are out there and they have some room for us. We are going to stay there well we wait for a answer about housing, because with David not on WCB this is making things a little tougher. I know without a doubt one day he will learn to control the migraines but as of yet he has not figured that out, but I do think it is coming slowly.

I personally am scared just because of where we are going and how small of a place it is, as I am a true city girl through and through. But I know this is going to be a great experience for my kids and myself and David as well.

I know for David and I we really try to work together, and this is going to be another moment that bonds us together a little more as we read together and pray together and learn to relay on each other a little more and our families they are truly here to help us.
Each set of our parents have helped us along our road towards where we are now, and I know they will continue to help us along this road.

I am also so thankful for my friends that have been there to help in moments that were tough, this week I paused for a moment as one of what I consider my best friends went through the moment of watching her dad pass form this life to the next, my prayers were with her and wishing I could be there to help her, in her time of need.
And as another friend went through her van accident I wish so much I was there to help her with the kids as she was in her pain.

Even when things are so tough I still believe there is time to serve to lighten our own loads by helping others…..
Charity “suffereth long, and is bkind, and cenvieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily dprovoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”

If you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do.

2010-07-13T23:45:00.002-06:00

Motherhood:-An-Eternal-Partnership
(click above and you can watch the Mormon Message about mom's)

(this is the talk that goes with the viedo above, I tear up watching the video and the talk has a ton of meanning to me)

“Because She Is a Mother”

Ensign » 1997 » May

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

There are some lines attributed to Victor Hugo which read:

“She broke the bread into two fragments and gave them to her children, who ate with eagerness. ‘She hath kept none for herself,’ grumbled the sergeant.

“ ‘Because she is not hungry,’ said a soldier.

“ ‘No,’ said the sergeant, ‘because she is a mother.’ ”

In a year when we are celebrating the faith and valor of those who made that exacting trek across Iowa, Nebraska, and Wyoming, I wish to pay tribute to the modern counterparts of those pioneer mothers who watched after, prayed for, and far too often buried their babies on that long trail. To the women within the sound of my voice who dearly want to be mothers and are not, I say through your tears and ours on that subject, God will yet, in days that lie somewhere ahead, bring “hope to [the] desolate heart.” 1 As prophets have repeatedly taught from this pulpit, ultimately “no blessing shall be withheld” from the faithful, even if those blessings do not come immediately. 2 In the meantime we rejoice that the call to nurture is not limited to our own flesh and blood.

In speaking of mothers I do not neglect the crucial, urgent role of fathers, particularly as fatherlessness in contemporary homes is considered by some to be “the central social problem of our time.” 3 Indeed, fatherlessness can be a problem even in a home where the father is present—eating and sleeping, so to speak, “by remote.” But that is a priesthood message for another day. Today I wish to praise those motherly hands that have rocked the infant’s cradle and, through the righteousness taught to their children there, are at the very center of the Lord’s purposes for us in mortality.

In so speaking I echo Paul, who wrote in praise of Timothy’s “unfeigned faith … , which dwelt first,” he said, “in thy grandmother Lois, and [in] thy mother Eunice.” 4 “From [the days when thou wert] a child,” Paul said, “thou hast known the holy scriptures.” 5 We give thanks for all the mothers and grandmothers from whom such truths have been learned at such early ages.

In speaking of mothers generally, I especially wish to praise and encourage young mothers. The work of a mother is hard, too often unheralded work. The young years are often those when either husband or wife—or both—may still be in school or in those earliest and leanest stages of developing the husband’s breadwinning capacities. Finances fluctuate daily between low and nonexistent. The apartment is usually decorated in one of two smart designs—Deseret Industries provincial or early Mother Hubbard. The car, if there is one, runs on smooth tires and an empty tank. But with night feedings and night teethings, often the greatest challenge of all for a young mother is simply fatigue. Through these years, mothers go longer on less sleep and give more to others with less personal renewal for themselves than any other group I know at any other time in life. It is not surprising when the shadows under their eyes sometimes vaguely resemble the state of Rhode Island.

Of course the irony is that this is often the sister we want to call—or need to call—to service in the ward and stake auxiliaries. That’s understandable. Who wouldn’t want the exemplary influence of these young Loises- and Eunices-in-the-making? Everyone, be wise. Remember that families are the highest priority of all, especially in those formative years. Even so, young mothers will still find magnificent ways to serve faithfully in the Church, even as others serve and strengthen them and their families in like manner.

Do the best you can through these years, but whatever else you do, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones. Husbands—especially husbands—as well as Church leaders and friends in every direction, be helpful and sensitive and wise. Remember, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” 6

Mothers, we acknowledge and esteem your faith in every footstep. Please know that it is worth it then, now, and forever. And if, for whatever reason, you are making this courageous effort alone, without your husband at your side, then our prayers will be all the greater for you, and our determination to lend a helping hand even more resolute.

One young mother wrote to me recently that her anxiety tended to come on three fronts. One was that whenever she heard talks on LDS motherhood, she worried because she felt she didn’t measure up or somehow wasn’t going to be equal to the task. Secondly, she felt like the world expected her to teach her children reading, writing, interior design, Latin, calculus, and the Internet—all before the baby said something terribly ordinary, like “goo goo.” Thirdly, she often felt people were sometimes patronizing, almost always without meaning to be, because the advice she got or even the compliments she received seemed to reflect nothing of the mental investment, the spiritual and emotional exertion, the long-night, long-day, stretched-to-the-limit demands that sometimes are required in trying to be and wanting to be the mother God hopes she will be.

But one thing, she said, keeps her going: “Through the thick and the thin of this, and through the occasional tears of it all, I know deep down inside I am doing God’s work. I know that in my motherhood I am in an eternal partnership with Him. I am deeply moved that God finds His ultimate purpose and meaning in being a parent, even if some of His children make Him weep.

“It is this realization,” she says, “that I try to recall on those inevitably difficult days when all of this can be a bit overwhelming. Maybe it is precisely our inability and anxiousness that urge us to reach out to Him and enhance His ability to reach back to us. Maybe He secretly hopes we will be anxious,” she said, “and will plead for His help. Then, I believe, He can teach these children directly, through us, but with no resistance offered. I like that idea,” she concludes. “It gives me hope. If I can be right before my Father in Heaven, perhaps His guidance to our children can be unimpeded. Maybe then it can be His work and His glory in a very literal sense.” 7

In light of that kind of expression, it is clear that some of those Rhode Island–sized shadows come not just from diapers and carpooling but from at least a few sleepless nights spent searching the soul, seeking earnestly for the capacity to raise these children to be what God wants them to be. Moved by that kind of devotion and determination, may I say to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are magnificent. You are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you have been given such a responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your Father in Heaven has in you. He knows that your giving birth to a child does not immediately propel you into the circle of the omniscient. If you and your husband will strive to love God and live the gospel yourselves; if you will plead for that guidance and comfort of the Holy Spirit promised to the faithful; if you will go to the temple to both make and claim the promises of the most sacred covenants a woman or man can make in this world; if you will show others, including your children, the same caring, compassionate, forgiving heart you want heaven to show you; if you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do.

Sometimes the decision of a child or a grandchild will break your heart. Sometimes expectations won’t immediately be met. Every mother and father worries about that. Even that beloved and wonderfully successful parent President Joseph F. Smith pled, “Oh! God, let me not lose my own.” 8 That is every parent’s cry, and in it is something of every parent’s fear. But no one has failed who keeps trying and keeps praying. You have every right to receive encouragement and to know in the end your children will call your name blessed, just like those generations of foremothers before you who hoped your same hopes and felt your same fears.

Yours is the grand tradition of Eve, the mother of all the human family, the one who understood that she and Adam had to fall in order that “men [and women] might be” 9 and that there would be joy. Yours is the grand tradition of Sarah and Rebekah and Rachel, without whom there could not have been those magnificent patriarchal promises to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob which bless us all. Yours is the grand tradition of Lois and Eunice and the mothers of the 2,000 stripling warriors. Yours is the grand tradition of Mary, chosen and foreordained from before this world was, to conceive, carry, and bear the Son of God Himself. We thank all of you, including our own mothers, and tell you there is nothing more important in this world than participating so directly in the work and glory of God, in bringing to pass the mortality and earthly life of His daughters and sons, so that immortality and eternal life can come in those celestial realms on high.

When you have come to the Lord in meekness and lowliness of heart and, as one mother said, “pounded on the doors of heaven to ask for, to plead for, to demand guidance and wisdom and help for this wondrous task,” that door is thrown open to provide you the influence and the help of all eternity. Claim the promises of the Savior of the world. Ask for the healing balm of the Atonement for whatever may be troubling you or your children. Know that in faith things will be made right in spite of you, or more correctly, because of you.

You can’t possibly do this alone, but you do have help. The Master of Heaven and Earth is there to bless you—He who resolutely goes after the lost sheep, sweeps thoroughly to find the lost coin, waits everlastingly for the return of the prodigal son. Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are and better than you have ever been as you try to make honest effort, however feeble you may sometimes feel that to be.

Remember, remember all the days of your motherhood: “Ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ with unshaken faith in him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save.” 10

Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.” 11 You are doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging. Like the woman who anonymously, meekly, perhaps even with hesitation and some embarrassment, fought her way through the crowd just to touch the hem of the Master’s garment, so Christ will say to the women who worry and wonder and sometimes weep over their responsibility as mothers, “Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole.” 12 And it will make your children whole as well.

In the sacred and holy name of the Lord Jesus Christ, amen.

birthday party for the boys

2010-07-04T22:53:00.000-06:00

we had a small birthday party for the boys, one friend each came, it was the most amazing day for me....and for them to watch them play and laugh with others was AMAZING!

the giggles and laughs we so much FUN!

a trip to the zoo

2010-07-02T22:22:00.000-06:00

so today we went to the zoo! how about you? :) it was alot of fun

Happy Canada Day

2010-07-01T21:54:00.000-06:00

So we decided that since we dont have a tone of time left we would go to the fireworks with my Dad and my brother, his wife Christine and there kids!
here is a slide show of some of the pictures!

a bit of sunshine needed in our life I guess!

2010-07-01T19:40:00.000-06:00

I guess tradition must continue, each time we have got ready to move our kids have done something to make more work for us, and something that we NEED to fix as we are only renting!

The boys did make it out alive, with a STERN talking too, and made to help clean as they did get the hardwood in the living room too, but all said and done the inside of the house is clean, now I just need to find the right paint to use on the outside to hide this a bit!

feeling overwhelmed...

2010-06-22T00:16:00.000-06:00

I thought this blog was amazing.....as I read some of it, tears formed, others feel the same way I do, I am not alone, I may not be perfect, but I do have alot going on in my life, I just need to figure out some ways to make it through.
I know I have been blessed in my life to have these challenges, I do love them just somedays it does feel a little overwhelming as I wake and and try to figure out what is next. I really want to try and put some of this into place after we move as it is only a month and a bit before we should be in
Edmonton and hard to put in order when your home is slowly falling apart....but I wanted to say thank you to Jane for this post it made my night

Feeling Overwhelmed?

The Question:
my question has to do with with feeling overwhelmed. i always wanted a big family, but i have 3 children now & often feel "how could i have more? i'm so overwhelmed." i try to stay simple, but it seems that no matter what "stuff" enters in. the worst part is that when i get overwhelmed i feel that i'm not the mother i should or want to be. i get impatient & do not cherish the beautiful time in my life that this is. i want more children, but i sometimes fear that i become less of a mom to each child with the more i have.

so i guess my question for you is how do i not get overwhelmed? there are so many things to take care of, to think of, to plan ahead for, etc. how do i stay peaceful amongst it all?

thank-you! thank-you! -courtney

The Answer:

One of the things that makes motherhood so overwhelming is that it never stops. It keeps coming at us day and night. We wake up to the same routines, sometimes having had only a few hours of sleep. Often, we heap on that-- financial worries, an argument with a husband, feelings of isolation or troubles with extended family. We may find ourselves feeling not just overwhelmed but disillusioned with the choice we’ve made and, worse, disappointed with ourselves because we aren’t better at it.

These feelings, when you give in to them, are actually the greatest threat to your success. I repeat, it’s those feelings that are the greatest threat—much more than your actual circumstances. They halt you in your tracks. You want and need to be propelled forward! Here are my suggestions.

Do something about it. Don’t you love the scene in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers where Millie turns the pig pen of a cabin into a real home and revolutionizes the table manners and brings civility to the chaos? In much the same way, you can step back from your overwhelming situation and ask, “What is it that’s getting me down?” Is it the clutter, the disobedience, the lack of support, my appearance, the dirty kitchen floor? List everything that’s bothering you and then change things. You are creating a little world here. You can improve relationships, plan a weekly night out, organize a play group, clear out clutter, rearrange the bedrooms, put flowers on the table.

Somewhere along the line, I made the discovery that what I didn’t do actually overwhelmed me more than what I did. Walking by that weed-filled flower bed twice a day was so much more overwhelming than just going out there and weeding it. It took 20 minutes. It felt good. I felt better. It usually led to sweeping the sidewalk and washing the front door. If your overwhelmed feeling revolves around lonliness, find a walking partner--just 20 minutes in the evening does wonders, start a book club or have an honest discussion with your husband that lays out concretely what you need and what might help. "I need to go out with you every week." "I'd like some time to myself for a couple of hours on Saturday afternoons." I've learned that most husbands aren't good at guessing but they're willing to support us when we're clear about our needs.

Here are a couple of practical habits I adopted at some point, that changed everything for me:

*Do something toward dinner in the morning. Just decide what you’re having and thaw the chicken or start the salad. There is nothing worse than 4:00, tired kids, husband coming home and no plans for dinner. You’ll feel better all day if dinner is in the works.

*Whenever possible, Don’t wake up to yesterday. When the kids are finally in bed, do a quick pick up of the house, make sure the kitchen table is empty, and start the dishwasher. I know….you’re too tired for that. But just do it anyway. You’ll get your second wind and it will feel good to do something that will not be undone while you’re doing it. You’ll be able to start the day fresh. Maybe your husband will help you and you can watch a movie afterwards (while you fall asleep.)

*If at all possible, get up a half an hour before the kids do. Have a good prayer, make your bed, get dressed, start breakfast. Just plan that you'll rest in the afternoon but there's no substitute for productive mornings.

I know what you’re thinking. That I’m one of those Chihuahua type women with boundless energy. Not so. I’m actually quite anemic and even sort of lazy. But I’ve learned that a little energy well-placed changes everything.

One final and perhaps the most important thought is this: Never lose the vision of what you’re really doing. It’s big. There are no shortcuts to the family you want. It’s going to take all you’ve got. But the whole process is a good one and the whole outcome is amazing. Keep before you, the vision of what you want your home to be today and what you want the final outcome to be. Then keep reaching for it. As the days go by, you'll have more and more satisfying moments. Home really can be a heaven on earth. Pray aways and be believing.

Love, Jane

And, by the way, three children was my hardest phase by far.

everyday angels

2010-06-20T23:09:00.000-06:00

"I have spoken . . . of heavenly help, of angels dispatched to bless us in time of need. But when we speak of those who are instruments in the hand of God, we are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with—here, now, every day. Some of them reside in our own neighborhoods. Some of them gave birth to us, and in my case, one of them consented to marry me. Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind."

Jeffrey R. Holland, "The Ministry of Angels," Ensign, Nov. 2008, 30

I am so thankful for some good friends, I need to say Thank you.

I love being able to sit and just talk with good friends, we dont get to do it as often as what I would like right now as Shelly is in Darwell(I think almost 2hrs from Edmonton) and Katrina in St.Albert and us in Calgary so not like we can all just hop in the car and go to the park and let the kids play and just talk and I miss that so much. I am so looking forward to the fact that we are all going to be back in the same city soon.

I am thankful though that my friends so listen to me complain about my life and the struggles that are going on there, it is nice to have them just listen or chat on MSN to say I know it is tough but it will get better! I know life is tough at times but we all learn and grow through it all.......

Thank you again for good friends

our trip to Cardston

2010-06-19T17:11:00.000-06:00

Some sadness comes with this day, today will probably be one of the last times for awhile that we will go to Cardston, The Alberta Temple holds a special place in my heart as that was were David and I got married, and we have gone back many times but with the plans to move back to Edmonton it would be pointless to travel all that way when there is a temple in that city. The Edmonton Temple does also hold a special place in my heart as that was the first temple David and I went in other than to do baptisms.

We got up at 6am to get there on time, the kids pretty good with it, I think we were more tired then them, they were just so excited to go to the temple, I am so glad that they at such a young age now that this is place they want to be able to go to…..

The kids all played with there primary leaders well the parents went inside, it was about 2hrs we were inside but when we found the kids they were still super happy…..we had a ward picture taken and then went for lunch.

After we were done lunch David and I took some pictures of the kids…….and then someone took a family photo for us, and as we walked back to the van I looked and laughed…..Joshua was missing….so off to try and do a take 2 so we could have 1 family picture at the cardston temple!

It was a great and amazing day I was glad for a little break!

if you want to learn more about the temples or other frequently asked questions

rain rain go away

2010-06-17T15:16:00.000-06:00

I am not a total fan of rain all the time, I like a good thunderstorm but days of rain makes me crazy and my kids crazy!

Though my favortie part of rain is the washing of things, just like a new start...

makes the grass greener

gets rid of dirt

the trees and the plants stand a little taller.

the farmers love the rain, but i think for even them sometimes there is just to much rain

I got a phone call from the MLA office today, as they are helping try to deal with the whole WCB thing with us trying to move to Edmonton, today her message was the didnt get the fax.....I fax alot and no one else has had that problem so kinda strange but glad someone is on our side trying to help so I dont feel like I am totally losing my mind, only a little bit now.... I have been emailing people and trying to get things working for us to move slowly it is all falling into place, now to figure out where to live and what we are suppose to do and that, I wish it would be a bit easier but I am waiting to hear back from home ed to see if we can move back into that housing corporation, I really hope so as it would be cheaper rent and I would not have to work, which all on its own is an amazing thing as I need that break so much right now!

Different is okay.....but sometimes it is just hard....

2010-06-14T23:10:00.000-06:00

“Hold on thy way. … Fear not … , for God shall be with you forever and ever”

That everyone, including, and perhaps especially, the righteous, will be called upon to face trying times
When that happens we can sometimes fear that God has abandoned us, and we might be left, at least for a time, to wonder when our troubles will ever end. As individuals, as families, as communities, and as nations, probably everyone has had or will have an occasion to feel as Joseph Smith felt when he cried from the depth and discouragement of his confinement: “O God, where art thou? … How long shall thy hand be stayed … ? Yea, O Lord, how long shall [thy people] suffer … before … thy bowels be moved with compassion toward them?” (D&C 121:1–3).

Whenever these moments of our extremity come, we must not succumb to the fear that God has abandoned us or that He does not hear our prayers. He does hear us. He does see us. He does love us. When we are in dire circumstances and want to cry, “Where art Thou?” it is imperative that we remember He is right there with us—where He has always been! We must continue to believe, continue to have faith, continue to pray and plead with heaven, even if we feel for a time our prayers are not heard and that God has somehow gone away. He is there. Our prayers are heard. And when we weep He and the angels of heaven weep with us.
When lonely, cold, hard times come, we have to endure, we have to continue, we have to persist. That was the Savior’s message in the parable of the importuning widow (see Luke 18:1–8; see also Luke 11:5–10). Keep knocking on that door. Keep pleading. In the meantime, know that God hears your cries and knows your distress. He is your Father, and you are His child
When what has to be has been and when what lessons to be learned have been learned, it will be for us as it was for the Prophet Joseph. Just at the time he felt most alone and distant from heaven’s ear was the very time he received the wonderful ministration of the Spirit and the glorious answers that came from his Father in Heaven:
“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
“And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes” (D&C 121:7–8).

Even though seemingly unjust circumstances may be heaped upon us, and even though unkind and unmerited things may be done to us—perhaps by those we consider enemies but also, in some cases, by those whom we thought were friends—nevertheless, through it all, God is with us.

We are not alone in our little prisons here. When suffering, we may in fact be nearer to God than we’ve ever been in our entire lives. That knowledge can turn every such situation into a would-be temple.

Regarding our earthly journey, the Lord has promised, “I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up” (D&C 84:88). That is an everlasting declaration of God’s love and care for us, including—and perhaps especially—in times of trouble.

Sometimes I wish life were easier and then I read things like this and think wow I have it easy. I do have easier than some people. Life could always be worse. As I looked back on my day today I realized there was many things I failed at, I was not patient, I was not calm.....except at one moment when I knew I had to be....as Dallin sat on the floor telling me I was doing it all wrong, this is not how you play the game he said, I sat there saying Dallin different is okay.....to which he said no it is not and then knocked the game over so I had to start again, you would think that would have made me angry it didnt the whole time all I could say was different is okay, (why is different okay for him but not for me) he continued to get mad, as his aid tried helping and he got madder with him, the only thought that trully crossed my mind was am I going to get kicked in the head or head butted today for making things different? I wanted him to see it was all going to be okay, after about 15mins he was laughing again and playing but the whole time was different is okay. I know question is different okay? I really want to say yes, I want to know that tomorrow is going to be okay, I am the type of person if I knew the end and worked back I would be very happy, though sadly that doesnt happen in life does it!
I was happy in Calgary, I was making some friends slowly and yes I mean slowly starting to call this home, but at that same point I was always saying well Edmonton has this and Calgary doesnt, I never did take some of those differences, espically when it came to school we still used the Edmonton public system as I was upset at the lack of a system had for Calgary and kids with Autism. I know that "different" was not okay, it was always in the back of my mind.
I was glad for the fact my kids did get to know there grandparents a bit more than I ever did, and that difference will forever stand out in my mind and a good choice, they trully do love there grandparents and Charile.
The difference of having a temple close by and the temple you have to drive to....it was a sad thing, but I learned I missed driving by it every day, we didnt use it like we should have but I learned the difference if it being there and not being there, I miss that peace that comes from even being on the temple grounds.
The difference of friends being close and friends being apart is a HUGE thing, I miss the friends who trully do support me in my crazy life, the friends I can call when I am down and they will just listen. A good girls night out is always needed everyonce in awhile.
The difference of my kids playing with kids who love them vs kids who dont so much and I have to always teach my kids to be nice even when others are not so nice.
The difference of just Calgary to Edmonton, there both are very very different from each other but both have things I trully love that the other does not have.....like ummmmm the ZOO......but then Edmonton had the Ledg grounds, and heck there is NOTHING in CAlgary like that.

Different is okay.....but sometimes it is just hard....
more patience in suffereing
more faith in the Savior
more joy in his service
more meekness in trial
more blessed and holy more like the Savior
sometimes we just need to step back a little and relook at everything!

Just for Fun! and we had a TON of fun!

2010-06-05T22:03:00.003-06:00

In conjunction with Calgary Cerebral Palsy Association

Presenting: Light Up a Child’s Life

An evening of fun at Calaway Park that allows children with special needs an opportunity to enjoy a night filled with unlimited rides, shows and attrac-tions.

DATE: Friday June 4th 2010

TIME: 5:00 – 9:00 PM

COST: FREE

Thank you to the Wonderful Aid's who came and help make this day even more fun for the kids (and espically me....as I get so sick on to many rides)
It is has been a please and a joy to work with these two guys, they are both doing AMAZING work with the boys! Dallins worker has been around a little longer but they are both great and make the boys smile and learn so much!

Dallin's story he made with his Aid!

2010-05-30T21:11:00.002-06:00

Joshua's story he made with his Aid the other day

2010-05-30T20:26:00.001-06:00

the thoughts of a mom

2010-04-20T15:06:00.000-06:00

As a mom we all want is best for our kids, having a child that needs extra helps adds to all this fun, Dallin was a child with a regressive disorder of Autism, meaning he spoke early did everything right and then all the sudden he lost it all. we thought it was the new baby coming home that caused this, later to learn after the second baby to come into the home with him that there was still no change, each day and each time it broke my heart a bit more...I questioned God and what he was doing alot, I was wondering what he was wanting from me. I thought this would all get better, Dallin did 3 yrs of early education and specialized services. Did it help yes, but how many times has my heart broke in this time, many.....as we watch him gain skills and do so great and then it seems as though he loose them....we keep saying oh it is just a bad day and tomorrow will be better, is tomorrow better? not always most days I still feel the tears sitting in my eyes as I deal with him, it breaks my heart I want him so happy but he is not if it is not his way, and how hard is that when you are the oldest and the others aren’t that far behind you.....the perfectionism is coming out a TON lately and I am not sure how to work with that as I am not that type of person, well I do like some of it that way but not EVERY little thing. I am finding it hard to find that balance, as I work with him, I do love homeschooling because I get to help him more than any other teacher would and I can help him the way he needs but others think I am not giving him the same ways to grow......is being picked on a way to grow? And after having 2 major meltdowns this week and it is only Tuesday....I know it is going to be a GREAT week.

I sit here thinking about what I am suppose to do.....I want the best for him, I want him to be the best he can be but I am not sure anymore what that is, what I am suppose to be doing......my heart says homeschooling is good, and then there is a huge part of my that would like to allow him to in the school system even for a little bit, but he wont be going in the Calgary system so what does that mean? it would mean a move back to Edmonton.....but we are not sure what they right choice is on that so many tough choices in the next bit I wish this was a bit easier

take a look back as I have and will still be adding new stuff

2010-03-14T00:12:00.001-07:00

I have done alot of updates tonight, so have a look I put new stuff on all the way back to Christmas.....still more to add just should go to bed sometime tonight!

A cold winter in Calgary

2010-03-13T21:35:00.005-07:00

I have put together some of the photos I have from this winter here in Calgary as many wanted to see how much snow we got! Hope you enjoy

potty dance

2010-03-13T20:42:00.002-07:00

Hopefully the link stays right......I thought this was cute as we are having the little potty dance with Sara I am glad to be done with diapers!

1http://promos.treehousetv.com/huggiespottydance/view.aspx?pdid=ab5e91e8-ded2-4718-b054-f3db17e06224

I am sorry if I have offended you!

2010-03-12T14:03:00.002-07:00

Lately, it seems that I have offended people so easily, that is not my purpose in life…..I love the people that are in my life. I need them, the support is important. I am sorry if you feel I have!

Know that I don’t always think about what people will think when it comes to my comments or my feelings, I do try but please know I am human and a lot on my plate some days I need to vent.

I know I personally have let me offend me and it was dumb thing to do, because they didn’t even know as I have never said anything! That is a downfall of mine I walk away most days too easily, I should stand up more but at that same point will it matter in the long run?

I DO love my life! It is so important to me, I love my family and I know this is the path we are suppose to be on and things are getting easier all the time as I get myself more organized and in control of what is going on(then I will get another curve ball) but I am honestly and truly in love with my life! I know my ramblings don’t always prove that….but I do, and I am glad the our Heavenly Father trusted me to have this life and these trials at this point in my life, I know someone I am being a true example to others!

I did it!

2010-03-11T15:56:00.001-07:00

I did I changed my blog tell me what you think of it!

playing with my blog!

2010-03-11T13:01:00.001-07:00

okay I was playing today trying to make my blog cooler and in turn lost lots so I will try again later! any suggestion totally open for some, I wanted 3 coloums but cant seem to make it work

8yrs baby! Love You!

2010-03-01T23:52:00.001-07:00

8 yrs ago I married my best friend.......memorys off that day are still so fresh in my mind, it is hard to believe it has gone by this quick...we have a had lot of fun and happy moments and then the most of happy tears and sad tears over all it has been a AMAZING 8yrs and looking forward to many more......I love you David and I could not see life with you!

Wrapped up in you!

(here is our Wedding song)

a update

2010-02-26T21:48:00.000-07:00

I am trying hard to take a different look at life right now, I am trying to be more postive and take everything in stride. Things have been hard and tough, and I know there are reasons behind it all, does it make it easier somedays NO!

I love my husband, and I KNOW without a doubt he is trying to do his best! and I thank him so much for that.......but I HATE WCB! I hate what is does to us everytime the next mark comes up and what it means as you sit and wait for them to make all there little choices! and your life is on hold, well you hold your breath hoping and praying they see what we see going on.....one thing I have learned over the last few years is it is hard to make any judgement calls in my mind when you are only ever seeing it on paper and not the real person but this is what they do! so here we are, it all turnned over to God, it is in his hands his will be done. I cant fight like this anymore.......it is killing me and making me too stressed, we know David is going to back to school, but we are just waiting for WCB to say what they are going to say, he cant go back to school well he is on WCB so it is trully a double edge sword for us, we know he is not better to his old self but he is doing well in his world now, we know when it gets hot and can do less that what he can when it is cold, and we know he gets tired super easy and most days I do well with this.....there are my days when I get mad and frustrated about this and feel my plate is full but I know I can do it all, somedays I just need support and love like we all do!

My kids, I love them so much I have had alot of wonderful moments right this week, Dallin and his if you drop the "c" from Cat you can make, mat,bat,fat,hat and he just kept going it was such and amazing feeling to know I am doing so well with him.
Dallin's FSCD contract was renewed for another year, they did drop the hours down to 15hrs a week vs the 20, but I am okay with that......at least I know he is getting some supports that I am not always able to do! And he is also learning from someother wonderful people!
Joshua......he is a special little boy, I am learning to deal with his energy in different ways all the time! He is always so excited to learn and do new things on his terms....when it is not, it is a bit more work but he is starting to get excited about this new tasks espically his computer time!
Sara....he decided that she was ready to give up pull-ups! so far 2 days with no pull ups....and only a few accidents which is awsome! I am so proud of her.....no more babies in my house!

here is a song that I have come to love so I thought I would add it!
I believe
There comes a moment when my heart must stand; alone
On this lonely path Ive chosenlike a house thats not a home
sometimes when I feel Ive had enough
and I feel like giving up
you willed me to be all I can be
now nothing can stop me
I believe in the power that comes
From a world brought together as one
I believe together well find
I believe in the power of you and I
This is the moment we have dreamed of all our lives
Well be the change we wish from others
Well stand tall for what its right
And in my hearts therell be no doubt
The arms of the world will come reaching out
And embrace me to be all I can be
Now nothing can stop me
I believe in; the power that comes
From a world brought together as oneI believe together well fly
I believe in the power of you and I
I believe the time is right now
Stand tall and make the world proud
I believe together well fly
I believe; in the power..
I believe in the power that comes
From a world brought together as one
(Of you and I)
I believe together well fly
I believe in the power of you and I
(power)
I believe the time is right now
(Oh you and I)
Stand tall and make the world proud
I believe together well fly (Together well fly)
I believe in the power of you and I
(I believe in the power of you and I)

time away for us!

2010-02-20T22:28:00.000-07:00

Well 8yrs ago, I married my best friend......we were able to have a little time away (thank you Nairin) to celebrate those year....it has been almost 2yrs since we went away with no kids, as the last time was just before David's accident....so this was a well needed time.
Relaxing is one of those hard things for me, but I did a bit better this time, and it was nice to come back and my kids be like why are you home!

cooking class

2010-02-19T22:09:00.001-07:00

For a field trip for Dallin we signned up cooking apple crisps and making smoothys and I was going to bring Sara because Joshua would normally be in school but with David having medical apts in the morning I was to late to take Joshua to school so I brought him along instead as I knew he would totally enjoy this......and he did!

“Your plate is full, do you need some more on that?” Part 1...

2010-02-12T11:12:00.002-07:00

“Your plate is full, do you need some more on that?”

There is more days then not, that I am thinking that lately…..I am trying really hard to stay positive like we all try too but some days that is harder than it looks….

I love my husband and my kids very very much……but between the two I feel like I am hang at the edge of the cliff waiting to fall and crash and burn…..I know that sounds bad, I have walked the line of depression once before and I know I am getting close to all of it again, it is sad that I feel like this but sometimes it is a lot.
We have done more testing for David a couple weeks ago and that came back that he still had along road ahead of him, and now he has to go for some more testing on the 18th and 19th, I really wish they could find a answer and say okay this is how long but lets really think back……it was only suppose to be a couple days and he would be back to work! We are now………

From and including: Monday, September 22, 2008
to and including: Friday, February 12, 2010
It is 509 days from the start date to the end date, end date included
Or 1 year, 4 months, 22 days including the end date
Alternative time units
509 days can be converted to one of these units:
• 43,977,600 seconds
• 732,960 minutes
• 12,216 hours
• 72 weeks (rounded down)

Okay though in my mind it was a bit longer but still this has been a LONG road!

I really want him to get the help he needs and become the person he is going to be, because right now he is not the man I feel in love with, I still love him more than anything in the world, it has taken a lot to find that balance in my mind and peace in my world….we all have image of where we see our lives going and this was one of the, “I would have been okay” if this did not happen. But at the same point would David have been as he has learned so much in his time of being home, and slowly working…..if he was still working he would have NEVER got to see what I go through, what dealing with therapy all the time is like, what it is like to have someone in your home everyday, HUGE, HUGE thing for a family to go through.

I am love my David so much, I just want him happy and not hurting so much. It is so hard because I have no control over it at all…..

Okay this is part 1 or 2 incase you don’t want to read this all!

“Your plate is full, do you need some more on that?” part 2

2010-02-12T11:00:00.000-07:00

Part 2 My kids!

So having kids is wonderful! I do love it, I would want nothing but some weeks is more work than others....

lets start with.....

Sara
She is doing.....great her speech is coming along really good and her sense of independence is right up there.....who would want much more right? I would be okay if she was a bit more passive it would stop alot of fighting around here but otherwise she is doing well, and I am looking at her options for next year, They want her going to school for her speech next year but I am thinking I will just send her to speech outside of the school and keep her home, that is the plan at least right now as they want her going to a school in Deer Run....which I would have to drive her too! (Keep in mind all the drive they being the government (FSCD) would like me to do...)

Joshua
He is doing AMAZING, he is still have Speech issues and his ADHD and coming out here and there a bit more, but I am slowly getting on board for changing his diet just is alot of work to get started. His school teachers say they are almost pushing him above the kindergarten level so they are thinking he will go to our community school, which because we live to close I would either have to walk him or drive hiom (again factor in Sara there now!) and I would want him home at lunch, so I need to go look at the school and talk to them and there options for next year......but again, I am trying really hard to just look at what MY life would be like too for our family, and what would make us the happiest.
Joshua also has a girl a school he likes, it is so cute if you ask him he gets all shy and says I dont want to talk about it. I am happy he is doing so well leaves other worries for me, but I am so happy for him!
Joshua also only has another 3 months of inhome services and then it will just be the behaviour stuff we will working with and that will be in a social setting which is what he needs!

Dallin
I hope Dallin's will come out the way I want it to really sound, some days I am not so good at this!

Dallin is growing and learning so much, he is doing really well at homeschooling, this is the happiest I have seen him in YEARS! We still have meltdowns and anxiety issues but working on both
He had some amazing teachers when he was in school I know they cared alot about him, but the night terrors and the all night stimming will never be taken away when he has been over stimulated.
And I know I have come to a road that maybe one of my hardest fights, FSCD wants him to go back into the school system (http://www.calgaryquestschool.com) sure it is a special school that deals with many different needs, now for the number 1 thing....we live a the edge of Calgary almost near Okotoks and this school is almost downtown....at min during good traffic you are looking at 30mins on a ride 1 way, yes he mostly could get bussing but that would up the times, am I willing to move closer......nope lived in that area, like some of the people over there but not a area I like too much.....
but I have to be able to take Dallin and look at this school before his MDT panel on Feb 23 to give my fair and honest feelings, that I KNOW without a doubt I am doing what is right for my son at this point in his life, really going to MDT is l like going to court, they already have there mind made up before you get there and then you need to plead to make it all right!
Alot of emotions into that. And it is not something were you can really go God told me to do this so I am just doing it, you have to plead and make it sound like you are doing the BEST thing ever for your child! And honestly without a doubt that is what I am trying to do. I was a child that got pushed through the system and I don’t want that for my child, I want him happy and learning and if those 2 things can not be met I will not do it.
So through all of this I may lose his in home funding because I will not do what they want by me putting him in the school system, but I know he will be happy and learning, and really I know alot of the things they are doing with him anyways so as much as it is nice to have another set of hands, I am okay either way if that makes sense to anyone but me!

but when your plate is full, dont we say.......why not one more things it shouldnt make that much more of a difference.
I know may people think my faith is lacking, but let me tell you, you can only be pushed so much before it is lacking. I know there is a God I know he loves me very very much, but there are days where I am burnt out and I want a end to this all, but at that same point I will keep going because I know that is what I am asked to do for my family and myself. I am hoing to go away for a weekend, to get back to one with David and myself.....I know this is a important thing to do!

2010-01-30T22:18:00.009-07:00

Today we meet Aunty Nairin and Jarrett in Red Deer first we went to see Alvin and The Chipmunks The Squeakquel....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3ydELQlvT0
it was funny the kids LOVED it! and then we went for lunch......and after that we went swiming....it was a FULL day but so worth it, I am so glad we are able to spend time with friends and family that love our kids and love us! it makes it all worth it in the long run.....(and I am glad Aunty Nairin is moving closer to us again....)

Purple Zebra, Purple Zebra what do you see?

2010-01-20T16:35:00.000-07:00

This is our version of Brown bear Brown bear by eric carl, I noticed after we finsihed these pages we were missing so words, by my mistake so I am going to fix that tomorrow but Dallin did awsome today on this book.

Star Fish project

2010-01-20T16:27:00.000-07:00

This was one of our Sicence projects to watch and grow......I frogot to take a picture well it was small so we are going to do it backwards and see how long it takes for it to be small, this was a week to make it this big

a bad day or that a bad week......

2010-01-17T18:31:00.000-07:00

Today is a rough day, not totally sure just not happy everything seems to be frustrating me and I just feel like crying.......so I am going to come back to this thought in a bit....

okay I wondered if a nap would help, the answer NO, I am still not even sure why I am so mad. I think all of last week has just caught up to me, I am so to the point where I am not sure if having FCSD (government funding) involed in ourlives is the right thing. I feel that they are not trully letting me do what my kids need. I feel controlled by it all, it makes me so sad, that I have to word everything so right just so I can get the funding for another year, I know perspective is a huge thing, yes there are kids out there worse then mine and mine are that bad but some days to ME they are a TON of work. I do love them do get me wrong, I am just getting to that point of how much engery can I put into fighting anymore if that makes any sense. I love homeschooling Dallin, I know I am not perfect everyday and some days we do nothing but you know i know that it is the same as if he was in school, and I know without a doubt that he would not be as happy as he is. We are working on getting out to socialize more but that is a every day thing, and I know once we have a second car things will be a little easier (that is something we are working on). I just feel like i have been back into a corner this week and I am not sure how to get out of it all this week and what I trully want.....I guess it goes back to waiting to see what they are going to say, as we go to MDT at the end of Feb. I know for Joshua unless I can get Dr.Lever to even give him the ADHD he will get nothing after Feb, and if he does get that then he will be only getting another 3 months and there I have no idea. and for Dallin they have not said what they will even offer right now, because the lady thinks I am so crcazy for homeschooling him so that is a fight all on its own and maybe I just need to let this all go but still not sure about this....I wish I had someone that trully understood where I was and had ideas of how to deal with this special system.....

Autism......

2010-01-08T13:59:00.000-07:00

Autism

People with autism usually have difficulty understanding language and social behaviors

Always

Unique

Totally

Interesting

Sometimes

Mysterious

I am a mother of a child that has Autism

He is a blessing to have and we love him very much

There is NOT a cure for Autism

There are different degrees of Autism

Some Autistics can function very well and other have difficulty functioning

Some can be affected by certain sights, sounds, or touch

Some autistics have unusual fears, anxieties, depression, and a desire for acceptance

All autistics can get frustrated just by simple things

A person with autism can become frustrated by simple things that don’t affect others.

They just want to be accepted and treated with love and respect, treat them like you would like to be treated.

People without autism sometimes do not understand the feelings that an autistic person is feeling.

Specialists do not understand what a person with autism is feeling…..sometimes even parents don’t!

Autistics can fixate on certain interests and excel greatly in the field, for example: computers, making movies, science, music, etc.

A puzzle piece is a symbol for autism

It is because Autism is puzzling to people who do not have autism

We would not be puzzled if we just accepted an autistic for who they are

Some autistic children are forced to change….. And it is not fair to the child. Would you want to be changed?

.......As a mom somedays and some weeks are harder and many tears are shed on those hard weeks, it gets hard when everyone says that oh the Autism is gone, or they are getting better....

It is there everyday, just some people do not see it because you are not there true safe spot....that can only be at home, no one will ever get hit more than me by my child, as he knows I will not hurt him and that I love him, we have shared many tears and I am sure there are more.

I just wish so much for a little bit of compassion from people, but I know sometimes that is HARD!

Christmas time at the hotel

2009-12-25T21:48:00.001-07:00

This year because we thought David;s family was going to be away we planned to be away....we went to a hotel for christmas eve till christmas this was so much fun, the kids loved it and we are planned it again for next year!

the best christmas gift

2009-12-25T12:46:00.001-07:00

This has been the best Christmas so far for relaxing and no stress......Last night we went and stayed at a hotel, and Santa even came to the hotel…..we woke up about 8am, and then we opened all our

presents 1 at a time, the kids were so excited but it was enough that by the time they were super excited we were done, no one stopped wanting to open gifts. Our Santa’s did a great job they have kept everyone happy. It is hard when Santa didn’t know the kids really because Dallin looked at us a couple times like….I will never play with this but I know with time he will. He is just not our typical little boy but otherwise all was happy. After presents were done we went swimming……that I think was the best part of the morning….oh well we have dinner coming soon….thank you too our many Santa’s.

a update......of us!

2009-12-22T13:13:00.003-07:00

Being a mom some days is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be, I love my life but I really want and need a holiday more than others I think sometimes. (As Joshua fall’s and hits his head well I am typing)

Homeschooling has been good, I am slowly starting to figure it out more, figuring out how he learns and how I teach and how I learn to learn how to teach, so many elements to that one. This was never my total dream but at the same point I would not see it any other way now. Dallin is learning and changing so much, we are starting to deal with different things some better some worse but age does that too…..some of the things we are dealing with is Anxiety and that is a hard one, because with out the language and the skills to tell you what is wrong it makes it even tougher….and his need to visual aids are become more. He is a GREAT kid and I love him so much just different challenges add to the different things.

Joshua is doing Amazing at Providence, he is getting a TON of speech help…not as much social as he needs but we are slowly trying to find him something to add to the part, so he is getting more social church helps but we think he still needs more winter is just a hard time to get going.

Sara, my princess…..she is doing well at driving me nuts….her speech is coming along really good, this is still a lot that needs help but slow and steady wins the race right? Otherwise she is doing great, loves being included, loves he brothers and loves her parents, she just amazes me daily with the things she does and wants to do!

I am emotionally coming along, day by day, I work to much with superstore and try to do a lot at home too, home schooling takes a lot of planning and energy to do it right. I am hoping soon that David will be off WCB and feeling better but I think that is still along road away, we are starting to take more “Alternative” ways of looking at his health, but with that because it is not covered we are back to still needing me to work so it is just finding that balance through it all, and to some how work it so I am not burning out through it all which hard. I know we are not given more than we can handle but there are sure days when I feel like I am being held at the edge of my mountain. I know God is there and he is truly helping me to live through this all and be blessed but that still does not always make it easy…..I know we love each other and that is what helps us get through these rough spots, if we didn’t it would be more hell than it is. We are learning to depend on each other a lot more, and balance through our lives so we are not depending on others as much because it is a lot on our families at times, we are thankful when they do help but grateful when we can do it on our own too, it means that we have learned a little more coping skills a bit at a time. I am looking on the side to make some money from home so that I can be home more for my kids and for my sanity! I guess this is all for now, I will try to update the photos and more about the kids soon

Christmas part 1 ish

2009-12-21T10:12:00.000-07:00

This has been a tough Christmas season for us, this year I took a HUGE step back, I let David be in charge of Christmas get together and all of that, At first it was just going to be my side of the family around really as David's family was suppose to be moving to Smither, B.C. So we thought it would be cool to go away for Christmas day at least so that we could have a small break from our craziness we call life.

We then learned that David’s family would not be gone for Christmas it became the balance of all the family stuff and our time again, I know we have not done this all right, because there is more than one set of parents saying so..But because I have sat so far back and let David deal with it, it has been even harder because I know most people are like WHAT is David’s plan, it is scary. But he needs it this year, things are still not going well with him, he is still working only his 6hrs a day but he comes home tired and not wanting to deal with anyone including us and by sat he just wants to sleep and do nothing at all. Which is making this Christmas so much fun....NOT!

Why does he want to just to do quiet stuff, because the rest hurts him and he doesn’t know how to say that right. I wish I could explain it totally, but I think for David simple is still the only way right now. Neither of us is trying to be rude about it just trying to find the balance in our lives.

And it is hard for our kids as well....Christmas is a hard time of year, there is so much extra simulation and we want them to be calm, is that not a funny concept. And with Dallin struggling with anxiety issues we are trying to be more careful then previous years too. All I want for them this year is to have fun we have kept Christmas simple on our part a couple gifts for each child, and well Santa came last night to our house….which the kids are so excited about but really I think they would be truly happy with one thing, they just like the joy that comes with presents….

Anyways, now that I rambled and probably have not made much sense…..We are not trying to hide totally from everyone this year just still a lot going on, and have still not get back to normal after my surgery that is truly months of figuring it all out all over again.

We do love our extended families, they mean a lot and do help us as we need which is so important in our lives.

Teaching Tolerance....

2009-11-30T13:22:00.000-07:00

I know this is not about Autism, but it is the same idea of learning tolerance, it is very close to my heart how people are treated because of there challenges. I wish we all could step back and just be alittle kinder to all, I know that will not totally happen but we can all try a little harder too.....I am going to attach these links please feel free to have a look......
Speaking on Tolerance:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDWvQwkMs00&feature=player_embedded
Speaking on what makes you tic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOfeW9qsNV8
and here is the Marc's homepage:
http://www.marcspeaks.com/Marc_Speaks/Homepage.html

He just touch a very soft spot in my heart
Christine

Things I do for "Fun"

2009-11-23T19:19:00.003-07:00

Those that dont know I started a blog for the cakes I have made have a look and let me know what you think

http://cakeswithoutlimits.blogspot.com/

Christine

Take my hand

2009-11-13T17:25:00.002-07:00

This really touched my heart, I have been through a ton latley, but this emergancy gall bladder surgery, took me for a loop I knew I was sick, but I guess I didnt know how sick, I have kept up with my life to a point but not as much as I need too....He is there to guide us along during those rough moments.

TAKE MY HAND

Take my hand and follow me,

There are things ahead for you to see.

Little wonders are all around,

And tender mercies to be found.

We’ll take our time, no need to run,

Breathe deep the air and feel the sun.

The grass is soft beneath our feet,

Sounds are soothing, the air is sweet.

Sometimes we’ll stop and just be still,

Our hearts will tell us God is real!

Small graces along our path appear,

They let us know that Heaven’s near.

So take my hand anew each day,

The walk is lovely and I know the way.

Greg Olsen -2008

Dallin Science project

2009-10-15T15:11:00.006-06:00

So we have been working on Sun and Moon so we thought it would be cool to make a clay mobile and a Sun dial.....

If you cant tell he had so much fun and David and Dallin have been going out every hour to work on the sun dial I think i have to do it again tomorrw!

The Trip home

2009-10-12T23:51:00.000-06:00

Pictures of our trip to KImberly these were at the condo

2009-10-11T23:20:00.001-06:00

Part one of the Thanksgiving Weekend!

2009-10-10T23:41:00.002-06:00

Well this week, we thought it was going to be a evil mess from hell but it turned out really good, we left Sat morning about a hour later than we wanted but such is life when 1. kids are involved and 2. when you are travelling with other people and you need to wait for them! But we followed (and anyone that really knows me, knows this is hard, I like to be in control) the in-laws in their durango.....I did have some demands, I want to stop at frank slide, and the biggest truck in the world and anything else cool along the way. Well because it was soooooooooooooooooooooo cold we only made a couple stops on the way up to Kimberly.

Frank Slide

back on the road we went after our short picture stop!

Sparwood---World's largest truck

We stopped in Fernie

at the wooden oil Derick, Joshua was the only one to get out but he quickly ran and looked at everything and then we got back in the van to meet up with everyone again!

After getting some food we were off to Kimberly.......that will be the next post!

Day 1 done for Joshua

2009-10-01T21:06:00.001-06:00

Day one of testing done, Joshua did well, a few melt downs and whines but nothing big. The lady asked if this was pretty typical of him I said yes and no it depends where he is, he is totally a different child for everyone but us almost.....and his aid's that work with him at home. Again it is not that I want a label it is I want the skills and the help to be able to deal with the situations at hand. I know can do it just some days it seems harder than others especially when you are the emotion tired. oh well next testing is next Thursday!

the next emotional rollercoaster

2009-09-30T17:19:00.002-06:00

tomorrow is the start again of a emotional roller coaster. I am so scared and sad and excited all in a ball roll it and you will find maybe one of my many emotions. Joshua starts testing again, with the preschool assessment team. Many would question why we are pushing for this again, as we did this a couple years ago, but they could not give us a answer at this time and I hope at this point they will be able to figure out what is going on with our Joshua, it is so hard as I watch him get to mad and frustrated with his worker at home every day and as I sat in his IPP meeting at school today and listen to them tell me he is the most wonderful child and they have no problems with him I want to cry, I know he is a wonderful child and I am so glad that he is doing so well at school but why is he not doing well at home with us, what are we doing so wrong. I wish I could figure this all out, I hate feeling like I am a bad mom but that is sadly what this meeting made me feel like today, so I am hoping that they lady he seeing tomorrow call see some of these issues and either tell us something, or offer a bit more support to be able to seal with this things, it is not that I want a label for my child it is I truly want him getting the help he truly needs. it is just a hard emotion time and I get a bit ugly during these times and I probably truly wont have a answer until the 22nd of Oct which is a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG to wait for answers.

summer is gone.....

2009-09-30T16:36:00.003-06:00

Where has time gone summer is gone and now we are back to the grind. I would love to say that is a good thing and I think it is.......we are slowly getting into the swing of things. Joshua is loving school, he is doing so well. we went through a few days thinking he would not get in because he has improved so much but he did get in which is nice and Dallin is starting to settle in well with the home schooling, though today i was boring but most days he does well. we are starting to fit nicely into out new home and love it, there is so much close to us.