I thought this blog was amazing.....as I read some of it, tears formed, others feel the same way I do, I am not alone, I may not be perfect, but I do have alot going on in my life, I just need to figure out some ways to make it through.
I know I have been blessed in my life to have these challenges, I do love them just somedays it does feel a little overwhelming as I wake and and try to figure out what is next. I really want to try and put some of this into place after we move as it is only a month and a bit before we should be in
Edmonton and hard to put in order when your home is slowly falling apart....but I wanted to say thank you to Jane for this post it made my night
Feeling Overwhelmed?
The Question:
my question has to do with with feeling overwhelmed. i always wanted a big family, but i have 3 children now & often feel "how could i have more? i'm so overwhelmed." i try to stay simple, but it seems that no matter what "stuff" enters in. the worst part is that when i get overwhelmed i feel that i'm not the mother i should or want to be. i get impatient & do not cherish the beautiful time in my life that this is. i want more children, but i sometimes fear that i become less of a mom to each child with the more i have.
so i guess my question for you is how do i not get overwhelmed? there are so many things to take care of, to think of, to plan ahead for, etc. how do i stay peaceful amongst it all?
thank-you! thank-you! -courtney
The Answer:
One of the things that makes motherhood so overwhelming is that it never stops. It keeps coming at us day and night. We wake up to the same routines, sometimes having had only a few hours of sleep. Often, we heap on that-- financial worries, an argument with a husband, feelings of isolation or troubles with extended family. We may find ourselves feeling not just overwhelmed but disillusioned with the choice we’ve made and, worse, disappointed with ourselves because we aren’t better at it.
These feelings, when you give in to them, are actually the greatest threat to your success. I repeat, it’s those feelings that are the greatest threat—much more than your actual circumstances. They halt you in your tracks. You want and need to be propelled forward! Here are my suggestions.
Do something about it. Don’t you love the scene in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers where Millie turns the pig pen of a cabin into a real home and revolutionizes the table manners and brings civility to the chaos? In much the same way, you can step back from your overwhelming situation and ask, “What is it that’s getting me down?” Is it the clutter, the disobedience, the lack of support, my appearance, the dirty kitchen floor? List everything that’s bothering you and then change things. You are creating a little world here. You can improve relationships, plan a weekly night out, organize a play group, clear out clutter, rearrange the bedrooms, put flowers on the table.
Somewhere along the line, I made the discovery that what I didn’t do actually overwhelmed me more than what I did. Walking by that weed-filled flower bed twice a day was so much more overwhelming than just going out there and weeding it. It took 20 minutes. It felt good. I felt better. It usually led to sweeping the sidewalk and washing the front door. If your overwhelmed feeling revolves around lonliness, find a walking partner--just 20 minutes in the evening does wonders, start a book club or have an honest discussion with your husband that lays out concretely what you need and what might help. "I need to go out with you every week." "I'd like some time to myself for a couple of hours on Saturday afternoons." I've learned that most husbands aren't good at guessing but they're willing to support us when we're clear about our needs.
Here are a couple of practical habits I adopted at some point, that changed everything for me:
*Do something toward dinner in the morning. Just decide what you’re having and thaw the chicken or start the salad. There is nothing worse than 4:00, tired kids, husband coming home and no plans for dinner. You’ll feel better all day if dinner is in the works.
*Whenever possible, Don’t wake up to yesterday. When the kids are finally in bed, do a quick pick up of the house, make sure the kitchen table is empty, and start the dishwasher. I know….you’re too tired for that. But just do it anyway. You’ll get your second wind and it will feel good to do something that will not be undone while you’re doing it. You’ll be able to start the day fresh. Maybe your husband will help you and you can watch a movie afterwards (while you fall asleep.)
*If at all possible, get up a half an hour before the kids do. Have a good prayer, make your bed, get dressed, start breakfast. Just plan that you'll rest in the afternoon but there's no substitute for productive mornings.
I know what you’re thinking. That I’m one of those Chihuahua type women with boundless energy. Not so. I’m actually quite anemic and even sort of lazy. But I’ve learned that a little energy well-placed changes everything.
One final and perhaps the most important thought is this: Never lose the vision of what you’re really doing. It’s big. There are no shortcuts to the family you want. It’s going to take all you’ve got. But the whole process is a good one and the whole outcome is amazing. Keep before you, the vision of what you want your home to be today and what you want the final outcome to be. Then keep reaching for it. As the days go by, you'll have more and more satisfying moments. Home really can be a heaven on earth. Pray aways and be believing.
Love, Jane
And, by the way, three children was my hardest phase by far.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
everyday angels
Jeffrey R. Holland, "The Ministry of Angels," Ensign, Nov. 2008, 30
I am so thankful for some good friends, I need to say Thank you.
I love being able to sit and just talk with good friends, we dont get to do it as often as what I would like right now as Shelly is in Darwell(I think almost 2hrs from Edmonton) and Katrina in St.Albert and us in Calgary so not like we can all just hop in the car and go to the park and let the kids play and just talk and I miss that so much. I am so looking forward to the fact that we are all going to be back in the same city soon.
I am thankful though that my friends so listen to me complain about my life and the struggles that are going on there, it is nice to have them just listen or chat on MSN to say I know it is tough but it will get better! I know life is tough at times but we all learn and grow through it all.......
Thank you again for good friends
Saturday, June 19, 2010
our trip to Cardston
Some sadness comes with this day, today will probably be one of the last times for awhile that we will go to Cardston, The Alberta Temple holds a special place in my heart as that was were David and I got married, and we have gone back many times but with the plans to move back to Edmonton it would be pointless to travel all that way when there is a temple in that city. The Edmonton Temple does also hold a special place in my heart as that was the first temple David and I went in other than to do baptisms. 
We got up at 6am to get there on time, the kids pretty good with it, I think we were more tired then them, they were just so excited to go to the temple, I am so glad that they at such a young age now that this is place they want to be able to go to…..
The kids all played with there primary leaders well the parents went inside, it was about 2hrs we were inside but when we found the kids they were still super happy…..we had a ward picture taken and then went for lunch.
After we were done lunch David and I took some pictures of the kids…….and then someone took a family photo for us, and as we walked back to the van I looked and laughed…..Joshua was missing….so off to try and do a take 2 so we could have 1 family picture at the cardston temple!
It was a great and amazing day I was glad for a little break!
if you want to learn more about the temples or other frequently asked questions
Thursday, June 17, 2010
rain rain go away
I am not a total fan of rain all the time, I like a good thunderstorm but days of rain makes me crazy and my kids crazy!
Though my favortie part of rain is the washing of things, just like a new start...
makes the grass greener
gets rid of dirt
the trees and the plants stand a little taller.
the farmers love the rain, but i think for even them sometimes there is just to much rain
I got a phone call from the MLA office today, as they are helping try to deal with the whole WCB thing with us trying to move to Edmonton, today her message was the didnt get the fax.....I fax alot and no one else has had that problem so kinda strange but glad someone is on our side trying to help so I dont feel like I am totally losing my mind, only a little bit now.... I have been emailing people and trying to get things working for us to move slowly it is all falling into place, now to figure out where to live and what we are suppose to do and that, I wish it would be a bit easier but I am waiting to hear back from home ed to see if we can move back into that housing corporation, I really hope so as it would be cheaper rent and I would not have to work, which all on its own is an amazing thing as I need that break so much right now!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Different is okay.....but sometimes it is just hard....
“Hold on thy way. … Fear not … , for God shall be with you forever and ever”
That everyone, including, and perhaps especially, the righteous, will be called upon to face trying times
When that happens we can sometimes fear that God has abandoned us, and we might be left, at least for a time, to wonder when our troubles will ever end. As individuals, as families, as communities, and as nations, probably everyone has had or will have an occasion to feel as Joseph Smith felt when he cried from the depth and discouragement of his confinement: “O God, where art thou? … How long shall thy hand be stayed … ? Yea, O Lord, how long shall [thy people] suffer … before … thy bowels be moved with compassion toward them?” (D&C 121:1–3).
Whenever these moments of our extremity come, we must not succumb to the fear that God has abandoned us or that He does not hear our prayers. He does hear us. He does see us. He does love us. When we are in dire circumstances and want to cry, “Where art Thou?” it is imperative that we remember He is right there with us—where He has always been! We must continue to believe, continue to have faith, continue to pray and plead with heaven, even if we feel for a time our prayers are not heard and that God has somehow gone away. He is there. Our prayers are heard. And when we weep He and the angels of heaven weep with us.
When lonely, cold, hard times come, we have to endure, we have to continue, we have to persist. That was the Savior’s message in the parable of the importuning widow (see Luke 18:1–8; see also Luke 11:5–10). Keep knocking on that door. Keep pleading. In the meantime, know that God hears your cries and knows your distress. He is your Father, and you are His child
When what has to be has been and when what lessons to be learned have been learned, it will be for us as it was for the Prophet Joseph. Just at the time he felt most alone and distant from heaven’s ear was the very time he received the wonderful ministration of the Spirit and the glorious answers that came from his Father in Heaven:
“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
“And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes” (D&C 121:7–8).
Even though seemingly unjust circumstances may be heaped upon us, and even though unkind and unmerited things may be done to us—perhaps by those we consider enemies but also, in some cases, by those whom we thought were friends—nevertheless, through it all, God is with us.
We are not alone in our little prisons here. When suffering, we may in fact be nearer to God than we’ve ever been in our entire lives. That knowledge can turn every such situation into a would-be temple.
Regarding our earthly journey, the Lord has promised, “I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up” (D&C 84:88). That is an everlasting declaration of God’s love and care for us, including—and perhaps especially—in times of trouble.
Sometimes I wish life were easier and then I read things like this and think wow I have it easy. I do have easier than some people. Life could always be worse. As I looked back on my day today I realized there was many things I failed at, I was not patient, I was not calm.....except at one moment when I knew I had to be....as Dallin sat on the floor telling me I was doing it all wrong, this is not how you play the game he said, I sat there saying Dallin different is okay.....to which he said no it is not and then knocked the game over so I had to start again, you would think that would have made me angry it didnt the whole time all I could say was different is okay, (why is different okay for him but not for me) he continued to get mad, as his aid tried helping and he got madder with him, the only thought that trully crossed my mind was am I going to get kicked in the head or head butted today for making things different? I wanted him to see it was all going to be okay, after about 15mins he was laughing again and playing but the whole time was different is okay. I know question is different okay? I really want to say yes, I want to know that tomorrow is going to be okay, I am the type of person if I knew the end and worked back I would be very happy, though sadly that doesnt happen in life does it!
I was happy in Calgary, I was making some friends slowly and yes I mean slowly starting to call this home, but at that same point I was always saying well Edmonton has this and Calgary doesnt, I never did take some of those differences, espically when it came to school we still used the Edmonton public system as I was upset at the lack of a system had for Calgary and kids with Autism. I know that "different" was not okay, it was always in the back of my mind.
I was glad for the fact my kids did get to know there grandparents a bit more than I ever did, and that difference will forever stand out in my mind and a good choice, they trully do love there grandparents and Charile.
The difference of having a temple close by and the temple you have to drive to....it was a sad thing, but I learned I missed driving by it every day, we didnt use it like we should have but I learned the difference if it being there and not being there, I miss that peace that comes from even being on the temple grounds.
The difference of friends being close and friends being apart is a HUGE thing, I miss the friends who trully do support me in my crazy life, the friends I can call when I am down and they will just listen. A good girls night out is always needed everyonce in awhile.
The difference of my kids playing with kids who love them vs kids who dont so much and I have to always teach my kids to be nice even when others are not so nice.
The difference of just Calgary to Edmonton, there both are very very different from each other but both have things I trully love that the other does not have.....like ummmmm the ZOO......but then Edmonton had the Ledg grounds, and heck there is NOTHING in CAlgary like that.
Different is okay.....but sometimes it is just hard....
more patience in suffereing
more faith in the Savior
more joy in his service
more meekness in trial
more blessed and holy more like the Savior
sometimes we just need to step back a little and relook at everything!
That everyone, including, and perhaps especially, the righteous, will be called upon to face trying times
When that happens we can sometimes fear that God has abandoned us, and we might be left, at least for a time, to wonder when our troubles will ever end. As individuals, as families, as communities, and as nations, probably everyone has had or will have an occasion to feel as Joseph Smith felt when he cried from the depth and discouragement of his confinement: “O God, where art thou? … How long shall thy hand be stayed … ? Yea, O Lord, how long shall [thy people] suffer … before … thy bowels be moved with compassion toward them?” (D&C 121:1–3).
Whenever these moments of our extremity come, we must not succumb to the fear that God has abandoned us or that He does not hear our prayers. He does hear us. He does see us. He does love us. When we are in dire circumstances and want to cry, “Where art Thou?” it is imperative that we remember He is right there with us—where He has always been! We must continue to believe, continue to have faith, continue to pray and plead with heaven, even if we feel for a time our prayers are not heard and that God has somehow gone away. He is there. Our prayers are heard. And when we weep He and the angels of heaven weep with us.
When lonely, cold, hard times come, we have to endure, we have to continue, we have to persist. That was the Savior’s message in the parable of the importuning widow (see Luke 18:1–8; see also Luke 11:5–10). Keep knocking on that door. Keep pleading. In the meantime, know that God hears your cries and knows your distress. He is your Father, and you are His child
When what has to be has been and when what lessons to be learned have been learned, it will be for us as it was for the Prophet Joseph. Just at the time he felt most alone and distant from heaven’s ear was the very time he received the wonderful ministration of the Spirit and the glorious answers that came from his Father in Heaven:
“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
“And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes” (D&C 121:7–8).
Even though seemingly unjust circumstances may be heaped upon us, and even though unkind and unmerited things may be done to us—perhaps by those we consider enemies but also, in some cases, by those whom we thought were friends—nevertheless, through it all, God is with us.
We are not alone in our little prisons here. When suffering, we may in fact be nearer to God than we’ve ever been in our entire lives. That knowledge can turn every such situation into a would-be temple.
Regarding our earthly journey, the Lord has promised, “I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up” (D&C 84:88). That is an everlasting declaration of God’s love and care for us, including—and perhaps especially—in times of trouble.
Sometimes I wish life were easier and then I read things like this and think wow I have it easy. I do have easier than some people. Life could always be worse. As I looked back on my day today I realized there was many things I failed at, I was not patient, I was not calm.....except at one moment when I knew I had to be....as Dallin sat on the floor telling me I was doing it all wrong, this is not how you play the game he said, I sat there saying Dallin different is okay.....to which he said no it is not and then knocked the game over so I had to start again, you would think that would have made me angry it didnt the whole time all I could say was different is okay, (why is different okay for him but not for me) he continued to get mad, as his aid tried helping and he got madder with him, the only thought that trully crossed my mind was am I going to get kicked in the head or head butted today for making things different? I wanted him to see it was all going to be okay, after about 15mins he was laughing again and playing but the whole time was different is okay. I know question is different okay? I really want to say yes, I want to know that tomorrow is going to be okay, I am the type of person if I knew the end and worked back I would be very happy, though sadly that doesnt happen in life does it!
I was happy in Calgary, I was making some friends slowly and yes I mean slowly starting to call this home, but at that same point I was always saying well Edmonton has this and Calgary doesnt, I never did take some of those differences, espically when it came to school we still used the Edmonton public system as I was upset at the lack of a system had for Calgary and kids with Autism. I know that "different" was not okay, it was always in the back of my mind.
I was glad for the fact my kids did get to know there grandparents a bit more than I ever did, and that difference will forever stand out in my mind and a good choice, they trully do love there grandparents and Charile.
The difference of having a temple close by and the temple you have to drive to....it was a sad thing, but I learned I missed driving by it every day, we didnt use it like we should have but I learned the difference if it being there and not being there, I miss that peace that comes from even being on the temple grounds.
The difference of friends being close and friends being apart is a HUGE thing, I miss the friends who trully do support me in my crazy life, the friends I can call when I am down and they will just listen. A good girls night out is always needed everyonce in awhile.
The difference of my kids playing with kids who love them vs kids who dont so much and I have to always teach my kids to be nice even when others are not so nice.
The difference of just Calgary to Edmonton, there both are very very different from each other but both have things I trully love that the other does not have.....like ummmmm the ZOO......but then Edmonton had the Ledg grounds, and heck there is NOTHING in CAlgary like that.
Different is okay.....but sometimes it is just hard....
more patience in suffereing
more faith in the Savior
more joy in his service
more meekness in trial
more blessed and holy more like the Savior
sometimes we just need to step back a little and relook at everything!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Just for Fun! and we had a TON of fun!
In conjunction with Calgary Cerebral Palsy Association
Thank you to the Wonderful Aid's who came and help make this day even more fun for the kids (and espically me....as I get so sick on to many rides)
It is has been a please and a joy to work with these two guys, they are both doing AMAZING work with the boys! Dallins worker has been around a little longer but they are both great and make the boys smile and learn so much!
Presenting: Light Up a Child’s Life
An evening of fun at Calaway Park that allows children with special needs an opportunity to enjoy a night filled with unlimited rides, shows and attrac-tions.
DATE: Friday June 4th 2010
TIME: 5:00 – 9:00 PM
COST: FREE
Thank you to the Wonderful Aid's who came and help make this day even more fun for the kids (and espically me....as I get so sick on to many rides)
It is has been a please and a joy to work with these two guys, they are both doing AMAZING work with the boys! Dallins worker has been around a little longer but they are both great and make the boys smile and learn so much!
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