to the pumpkin farm

Well today was our field trip too prarie gardens, pumpkin patch, it was a good day, I would like to say I enjoyed myself but it was really dumb too me this year, the kids really liked it though and that is all that matters

I need to get out my funk of feeling like everything is just there and trying to fix everything something caqn’t be fix and we just need to enjoy them…..though it was nice to see some of the moms from last year that I got to really enjoy talking too, it is so hard being in the morning and not having any friends in the mornings….. but at that same point I am not trying super hard to make friends either, as much as I want them I don’t I am really in the funk of I want things but I don’t want to make the effort to do anything, I know it is sad but I am really burnt out I know

understand why parents are told to go away a couple day a year without your kids because it does make you a different person and you care for your kids different when you are taking care of yourself too………so we are looking into different options of how we can afford to go away for a couple of days and find someone to watch them for a couple days, even at this point if we start at a night and over time work up too a couple night or more, but we need to start taking time to work on us too or else what are we going to have when there are no kids left at home……
Also we are starting to work on our Christmas stuff as Christmas is coming soon, and it is funny to watc h our want have started changing, we know it would be nice to have all the toys in the world, but it that truly the most important thing…..NO so we are thinking for our own gifts we are going to do food storge gifts and get maybe 1 small thing but build our storage so that if things do ever happen we would have the food too support our family, right now we would live on a lot of soup but that is not everything…..we are also looking really hard to find a place that will fit us all and closer to the school so that I am not having to do so much driving as I am getting burnt out with it already……it is funny as we look at it more I am starting to see that I really don’t want to live in the city, my dream would to be in the country with a ton of room for the kids to run, a slow pase in life, this city life is way hard, and one day I would love to have a horse for the kids, my passions and desires to have a same little farm for the kids is getting stronger and stronger which is strange as I have no idea what is like to have a farm let alone anything more than a cat or a dog really but I so want to have a farm it is strange, I know therapy wise a horse would be awesome for the boys but who knows, who knows where life will take us in the next couple of years, espically once we have the boys both in grade 1 and 2 that will change everything because then the funding and the programs are so different….. oh well it has been a fun day so far, things are good just a lot of work but a lot of love and blessings come from that…..