I am so tired of sick kids, I do love my kids but the smell that comes with sick kids and the extra work that comes with them is no fun, butlet me tell you it has been a eye opener for me to watch and watch them closley the last few days, they are both talking so much more a day I almost thought would not come, it that sad yes kinda but at that same point I trully think it was how I have dealt or been able to deal in a loving way it to low my bar and let them be whatever my come, you have a dream of what your kids will be and what they will do you read all the devlemontal things they should be doing by this time, and too me it brings a tear to my eyes as I watch my boys struggle to be there age and do the things they are suppose to be doing, I know there is a reason to everything and I always thought they were doing things okay but ooops the bad mom in me didn't think anything of the lack of speech till our dr was like this is not right, and I am so thankful too her and the courage to read between the lines because I am not always very open with my wording even now someone asks me how many words my boys have I am like well somewhere between this and that, I think they are close and maybe that is too pad my own world I am not sure but it is honsetly frustarting to me as humans we have this whole, my kids can do this! can yours? attitude, why are like that.....it this what our Heavnely Father would want.....I know for me I have had a hard time with that as I am always trying to top someone else with what my child can do to make up for him and his lack of language and I hate it....and I go home feeling bad or I hang up the phone and was like way was I like that, as humans I think we are always trying to be something we are not and I am trying harder to not be like that because it is not a good thing, but it is hard....so back to my point I started with before my rant...they are talking more and pplaying so much better together they still have there days were they are fighting and which kids don't but they are happier as spark I have not seen in along time is starting to come back which brings a peace too me, I know they may never be right up too par with the kids there age but I know they have strenghs that many other kids could only dress of, I know my boys are going to bring many people closer to God though the struggles because God is the only person that has the true upper hand on there outcome....I know the Autism will be there through there lives it is not something that will be cured in my mind it is something they will learn how to adpat with and live in the real world with but they will be blessed because of it.....I know there are many out there that think they can be cured but if there was a cure would we be going through this.
sara my little angel, she is 15 months tommorrow it is so hard to beilieve it has gone by that quick, she is doing amazing.....I love her drive and determination to do things right or wrong if it is in her head to get it out is a hard thing.....she is or was talking more than we ever have heard the boys talk at that age or even now....but I am starting to notice less talking and more screaming latley and I am not sure why if it has something to do with watching the boys or of she is losing words, I am trying not to look at the negative too quickly byt sometimes that is really hard to me given the whole I already have 2 with some issue with langauge...and I am doing everything possible to get rid of some of the things that could lead too issues, like sadly she has no idea what to do with a sippy cup she can not make them work she is either a bottle baby or a drink box/straw girl as suppobaly sippy cups delay speech not sure how but I am like I already have 2 lacking lets make things as good as we can....but I have noticed her food habits are way bad already, she only eats the jar food really much else other than bread and potatoes must come from a jar and she doesn't want to touch stuff that is wet, dry is okay she hates being dirty at all.....I could go on with things and I have been thinking alot about what I am going to do with her, I know many people who do not give vainastions but we both David and I feel they are very important and have given them too our kids on time, but I have been holding back on the 18 month ones as I know these are the main ones people say cause problems right or wrong I am not totally sure, I know for Dallin the light they talk about them losing was gone before those needles as with Joshua so I know in my heart for them that it was not the 'cause' so why I am scared with Sara because everything almost seems too good to be true that something has to change and not be right.........it is trully my lack in faith that God knows what he is doing right now but I am afraid I don't want to lose what I have....
okay this is really a super long post but I needed to write my feelings about my kids I do love them I just worry a ton more than I need too but who would I be if I didn't worry....not me :)