As a mom we all want is best for our kids, having a child that needs extra helps adds to all this fun, Dallin was a child with a regressive disorder of Autism, meaning he spoke early did everything right and then all the sudden he lost it all. we thought it was the new baby coming home that caused this, later to learn after the second baby to come into the home with him that there was still no change, each day and each time it broke my heart a bit more...I questioned God and what he was doing alot, I was wondering what he was wanting from me. I thought this would all get better, Dallin did 3 yrs of early education and specialized services. Did it help yes, but how many times has my heart broke in this time, many.....as we watch him gain skills and do so great and then it seems as though he loose them....we keep saying oh it is just a bad day and tomorrow will be better, is tomorrow better? not always most days I still feel the tears sitting in my eyes as I deal with him, it breaks my heart I want him so happy but he is not if it is not his way, and how hard is that when you are the oldest and the others aren’t that far behind you.....the perfectionism is coming out a TON lately and I am not sure how to work with that as I am not that type of person, well I do like some of it that way but not EVERY little thing. I am finding it hard to find that balance, as I work with him, I do love homeschooling because I get to help him more than any other teacher would and I can help him the way he needs but others think I am not giving him the same ways to grow......is being picked on a way to grow? And after having 2 major meltdowns this week and it is only Tuesday....I know it is going to be a GREAT week.
I sit here thinking about what I am suppose to do.....I want the best for him, I want him to be the best he can be but I am not sure anymore what that is, what I am suppose to be doing......my heart says homeschooling is good, and then there is a huge part of my that would like to allow him to in the school system even for a little bit, but he wont be going in the Calgary system so what does that mean? it would mean a move back to Edmonton.....but we are not sure what they right choice is on that so many tough choices in the next bit I wish this was a bit easier
