I know I have not put much in about the kids latley, but to say the least the are all still well. I feel like Sara may throw my over the edge of my cliff most days but all is well, I am still looking into school for next year not all my options are done yet!
On another note I am sick again, so today I went to the doctor for some meds to make me feel better, it was only of those intresting visits after he was done with me he was probably like WOW she is more messed up them she knows, he came in with meds for my cough he was sure it was all something that would pass with time but gave me something to make me feel better from his cupboard and then he was like anything else before I leave, and I was like ummmm well my peroids aren't going so normal, I have been on the same birth control (oops if ya didn't see that one coming sorry) but my body and it have stopped working together as well so on a happy note he put me on one that I only get my period every 3 months YEPPPY for that one! hopefully it doesn't make them worse cause they are all ready bad........but up for trying many more things, and then the famous last words......anything else.......I think I am losing my mind :) he stops and looks at me.....and says because of your husband? HAHAHAHAHAHA it took alot to not blame it all on him, and I stopped and said no I think I am really just burnt out after the last 3 long hard years and I can't do it anymore and then burst into tears......I am BURNTout, but honestly and maybe this is me overthinking everything tonight, who won't be if they trully had walked in the same shoes I have for the last 3 yrs, I won't go into everything but let me tell you in with the throns there have been some amazing roses but I have been poked ALOT and after finally saying it too him I felt human, at this point anyone that told me I was over racting it would take me alot not to hurt them. I am trying really hard to control my anger this week, month and year but I am tried of being judge for not being perfect, I am HUMAN and anyone that thinks different needs help themeselves.....I am done trying to be something I am not and there is going to be some sad people in the world as the real me stands up and says NO!!!!!!! I am trying harder to do this espically since I have been made to feel guilty a few weeks back by someone that is suppose to be family, I don't have to put myself though anything I don't want to which is a awsome part of FREEDOM!
Oh well I went on a rant that might not have been needed but I am trying very hard to find me again and be the happy me! it is coming, and my running is coming, being sick has not helped so hopefully this week is better, because I got told today a min of 10 mins of exercise a day makes us all a little happier!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
a new update!
..we all fall down, it is the getting back up that really counts. We all live and we all learn to help someone up when it is there turn! In life there is only one guarantee.....your feet won't always be on the ground, as we all fall down sometimes!
So life is has been totally emotionally draining at times, I wish I could say things are getting better, but I can't truly say that......we have gone through a bunch of doctors again and a MRI and yet not to many more answers than we had before, the neurologist says everything should be fine, as the MRI came back clean at this time so they they are wondering about a rebound problem so they are slowly taking him off his migraine pills to see if that helps so far all it has helped is the anger part because he is in pain all the time so is happy? well honestly would anyone be happy when they are in pain all the time? so now they are looking at trying some depression meds to see if that helps and a few other options to try and get him back on track, it is so hard for him. almost 8 months now is along time to not be feeling well.
Also now WCB is sending him back to the CNS to do vocational rehabilitation see how that goes as WCB wants him to be doing something instead of nothing if he can, so here goes the next part of the game........I hope we can figure something out because sadly this wife is burning out a bit right now....Trying to be supporting but it is hard some days, some days I feel like I am caring the whole weight of the world on my shoulders between trying to keep the kids stuff organized between therapy and school and then keeping David's stuff organized and then working part time and trying to find me time, and this week I have decided to teach myself to run.....I am trying to work on my lack of energy, and falling into depression......see how I do......wish me luck!
So life is has been totally emotionally draining at times, I wish I could say things are getting better, but I can't truly say that......we have gone through a bunch of doctors again and a MRI and yet not to many more answers than we had before, the neurologist says everything should be fine, as the MRI came back clean at this time so they they are wondering about a rebound problem so they are slowly taking him off his migraine pills to see if that helps so far all it has helped is the anger part because he is in pain all the time so is happy? well honestly would anyone be happy when they are in pain all the time? so now they are looking at trying some depression meds to see if that helps and a few other options to try and get him back on track, it is so hard for him. almost 8 months now is along time to not be feeling well.
Also now WCB is sending him back to the CNS to do vocational rehabilitation see how that goes as WCB wants him to be doing something instead of nothing if he can, so here goes the next part of the game........I hope we can figure something out because sadly this wife is burning out a bit right now....Trying to be supporting but it is hard some days, some days I feel like I am caring the whole weight of the world on my shoulders between trying to keep the kids stuff organized between therapy and school and then keeping David's stuff organized and then working part time and trying to find me time, and this week I have decided to teach myself to run.....I am trying to work on my lack of energy, and falling into depression......see how I do......wish me luck!
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