I know I have not put much in about the kids latley, but to say the least the are all still well. I feel like Sara may throw my over the edge of my cliff most days but all is well, I am still looking into school for next year not all my options are done yet!
On another note I am sick again, so today I went to the doctor for some meds to make me feel better, it was only of those intresting visits after he was done with me he was probably like WOW she is more messed up them she knows, he came in with meds for my cough he was sure it was all something that would pass with time but gave me something to make me feel better from his cupboard and then he was like anything else before I leave, and I was like ummmm well my peroids aren't going so normal, I have been on the same birth control (oops if ya didn't see that one coming sorry) but my body and it have stopped working together as well so on a happy note he put me on one that I only get my period every 3 months YEPPPY for that one! hopefully it doesn't make them worse cause they are all ready bad........but up for trying many more things, and then the famous last words......anything else.......I think I am losing my mind :) he stops and looks at me.....and says because of your husband? HAHAHAHAHAHA it took alot to not blame it all on him, and I stopped and said no I think I am really just burnt out after the last 3 long hard years and I can't do it anymore and then burst into tears......I am BURNTout, but honestly and maybe this is me overthinking everything tonight, who won't be if they trully had walked in the same shoes I have for the last 3 yrs, I won't go into everything but let me tell you in with the throns there have been some amazing roses but I have been poked ALOT and after finally saying it too him I felt human, at this point anyone that told me I was over racting it would take me alot not to hurt them. I am trying really hard to control my anger this week, month and year but I am tried of being judge for not being perfect, I am HUMAN and anyone that thinks different needs help themeselves.....I am done trying to be something I am not and there is going to be some sad people in the world as the real me stands up and says NO!!!!!!! I am trying harder to do this espically since I have been made to feel guilty a few weeks back by someone that is suppose to be family, I don't have to put myself though anything I don't want to which is a awsome part of FREEDOM!
Oh well I went on a rant that might not have been needed but I am trying very hard to find me again and be the happy me! it is coming, and my running is coming, being sick has not helped so hopefully this week is better, because I got told today a min of 10 mins of exercise a day makes us all a little happier!
1 comment:
you really have had a very trying 3 years. I sure hope some relief comes to you soon. At the very least you get feelign better so that it is easier to deal with all your stresses. (((hugs)))
Post a Comment