the next emotional rollercoaster

tomorrow is the start again of a emotional roller coaster. I am so scared and sad and excited all in a ball roll it and you will find maybe one of my many emotions. Joshua starts testing again, with the preschool assessment team. Many would question why we are pushing for this again, as we did this a couple years ago, but they could not give us a answer at this time and I hope at this point they will be able to figure out what is going on with our Joshua, it is so hard as I watch him get to mad and frustrated with his worker at home every day and as I sat in his IPP meeting at school today and listen to them tell me he is the most wonderful child and they have no problems with him I want to cry, I know he is a wonderful child and I am so glad that he is doing so well at school but why is he not doing well at home with us, what are we doing so wrong. I wish I could figure this all out, I hate feeling like I am a bad mom but that is sadly what this meeting made me feel like today, so I am hoping that they lady he seeing tomorrow call see some of these issues and either tell us something, or offer a bit more support to be able to seal with this things, it is not that I want a label for my child it is I truly want him getting the help he truly needs. it is just a hard emotion time and I get a bit ugly during these times and I probably truly wont have a answer until the 22nd of Oct which is a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG to wait for answers.