Lonley nights.......oh what do you do.....I could clean but really how much fun would that be? I could pack more of David's things but again what fun would that be?
I am trying not to get depressed but I think I am slowly slipping there.....I know that this is the right choice beyond all other things but it is not easy, I miss being able to go out by myself and just wonder walmart or superstore just to do things to make me smile.....now I sit here wondering if the silence well ever go away, I just want someone to talk too and not feel like I am bugging someone.....
I have not add back any of my inlaws even though they have asked because I just feel I need some space from them right now, I need to know I have 1 safe spot to vent and be angry I am so tired of hearing that I should not be angry anymore......he has only been gone a week and 4 days I only got about a months notice that my life was not going to be how I pictured anymore that is alot for a person to take
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
the hardest post to do for me.....
probably the hardest post a person has to do......
I wish this was easier........
to say I knew it was coming would be a lie.... to say now looking back that I shouldn't have saw it would be a lie....
About this time a week ago, David moved out of the house!
Is this a temporary thing? NO sadly I wish I could say it was because I truly do love him, well that is not totally true, I love the David I married, this is not him. David has changed alot some good things and some bad, but on Dec 27th David told me that he was not sure he wanted to be apart of the "family" anymore he loved the kids but he was no longer sure he loved me!
Looking back after 3 weeks that was the day the marriage was truly done from there on it was over sadly he said he would try but there was never a "try" the 3 weeks living together was the hardest thing for me, I heard him say things a wife should NEVER have to hear or see from there spouse to other people, but it sadly gave me the closure I need to be able to move forward.
I wish there was a easy answer to this all, I wish I didn't have to grieve through this death, but I know I am healing and moving forward....I know there I will be loved again, and my kids will be able to see a healthy loving marriage again, my heart aches for them, I wish they NEVER had to go through this but it will make them stronger in the end, heck even this week that he has been gone I have seen them step up and be strong little kids they have said things that break my heart and then they have said things that make me so proud. I love my kids so much, I know that is Davids reason for walking away, because I spent to much time on the kids but would I change that for a moment.........HELL NO, I know I have done what is right for my kids through all of there struggles, and they are the kids they are because I have spent so much time with them I am thankful for the chance I had to do that, I am sad that they will go back into the school system next year but at that same point it will be a good thing for them, and I will hopefully be going with them well not with them but back to school as well to better myself and support my kids and my family the best I can!
I am thankful for a God that Loves me and is helping through this spot and for friends and family that are standing behind me and cheering me along the way, I know I have done alot of this myself for along time, I guess it is just different now not having anyone else to blame if things don't get done! but I am stepping up to the plate and doing the best I can and I know I will raise more than I have in the last 7 yrs since becoming a mom, I am truly excited to see what is at the end of this rainbow :)
I wish this was easier........
to say I knew it was coming would be a lie.... to say now looking back that I shouldn't have saw it would be a lie....
About this time a week ago, David moved out of the house!
Is this a temporary thing? NO sadly I wish I could say it was because I truly do love him, well that is not totally true, I love the David I married, this is not him. David has changed alot some good things and some bad, but on Dec 27th David told me that he was not sure he wanted to be apart of the "family" anymore he loved the kids but he was no longer sure he loved me!
Looking back after 3 weeks that was the day the marriage was truly done from there on it was over sadly he said he would try but there was never a "try" the 3 weeks living together was the hardest thing for me, I heard him say things a wife should NEVER have to hear or see from there spouse to other people, but it sadly gave me the closure I need to be able to move forward.
I wish there was a easy answer to this all, I wish I didn't have to grieve through this death, but I know I am healing and moving forward....I know there I will be loved again, and my kids will be able to see a healthy loving marriage again, my heart aches for them, I wish they NEVER had to go through this but it will make them stronger in the end, heck even this week that he has been gone I have seen them step up and be strong little kids they have said things that break my heart and then they have said things that make me so proud. I love my kids so much, I know that is Davids reason for walking away, because I spent to much time on the kids but would I change that for a moment.........HELL NO, I know I have done what is right for my kids through all of there struggles, and they are the kids they are because I have spent so much time with them I am thankful for the chance I had to do that, I am sad that they will go back into the school system next year but at that same point it will be a good thing for them, and I will hopefully be going with them well not with them but back to school as well to better myself and support my kids and my family the best I can!
I am thankful for a God that Loves me and is helping through this spot and for friends and family that are standing behind me and cheering me along the way, I know I have done alot of this myself for along time, I guess it is just different now not having anyone else to blame if things don't get done! but I am stepping up to the plate and doing the best I can and I know I will raise more than I have in the last 7 yrs since becoming a mom, I am truly excited to see what is at the end of this rainbow :)
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