the hardest post to do for me.....

probably the hardest post a person has to do......





I wish this was easier........


to say I knew it was coming would be a lie.... to say now looking back that I shouldn't have saw it would be a lie....

About this time a week ago, David moved out of the house!
Is this a temporary thing? NO sadly I wish I could say it was because I truly do love him, well that is not totally true, I love the David I married, this is not him. David has changed alot some good things and some bad, but on Dec 27th David told me that he was not sure he wanted to be apart of the "family" anymore he loved the kids but he was no longer sure he loved me!
Looking back after 3 weeks that was the day the marriage was truly done from there on it was over sadly he said he would try but there was never a "try" the 3 weeks living together was the hardest thing for me, I heard him say things a wife should NEVER have to hear or see from there spouse to other people, but it sadly gave me the closure I need to be able to move forward.

I wish there was a easy answer to this all, I wish I didn't have to grieve through this death, but I know I am healing and moving forward....I know there I will be loved again, and my kids will be able to see a healthy loving marriage again, my heart aches for them, I wish they NEVER had to go through this but it will make them stronger in the end, heck even this week that he has been gone I have seen them step up and be strong little kids they have said things that break my heart and then they have said things that make me so proud. I love my kids so much, I know that is Davids reason for walking away, because I spent to much time on the kids but would I change that for a moment.........HELL NO, I know I have done what is right for my kids through all of there struggles, and they are the kids they are because I have spent so much time with them I am thankful for the chance I had to do that, I am sad that they will go back into the school system next year but at that same point it will be a good thing for them, and I will hopefully be going with them well not with them but back to school as well to better myself and support my kids and my family the best I can!

I am thankful for a God that Loves me and is helping through this spot and for friends and family that are standing behind me and cheering me along the way, I know I have done alot of this myself for along time, I guess it is just different now not having anyone else to blame if things don't get done! but I am stepping up to the plate and doing the best I can and I know I will raise more than I have in the last 7 yrs since becoming a mom, I am truly excited to see what is at the end of this rainbow :)