I am trying hard to take a different look at life right now, I am trying to be more postive and take everything in stride. Things have been hard and tough, and I know there are reasons behind it all, does it make it easier somedays NO!
I love my husband, and I KNOW without a doubt he is trying to do his best! and I thank him so much for that.......but I HATE WCB! I hate what is does to us everytime the next mark comes up and what it means as you sit and wait for them to make all there little choices! and your life is on hold, well you hold your breath hoping and praying they see what we see going on.....one thing I have learned over the last few years is it is hard to make any judgement calls in my mind when you are only ever seeing it on paper and not the real person but this is what they do! so here we are, it all turnned over to God, it is in his hands his will be done. I cant fight like this anymore.......it is killing me and making me too stressed, we know David is going to back to school, but we are just waiting for WCB to say what they are going to say, he cant go back to school well he is on WCB so it is trully a double edge sword for us, we know he is not better to his old self but he is doing well in his world now, we know when it gets hot and can do less that what he can when it is cold, and we know he gets tired super easy and most days I do well with this.....there are my days when I get mad and frustrated about this and feel my plate is full but I know I can do it all, somedays I just need support and love like we all do!
My kids, I love them so much I have had alot of wonderful moments right this week, Dallin and his if you drop the "c" from Cat you can make, mat,bat,fat,hat and he just kept going it was such and amazing feeling to know I am doing so well with him.
Dallin's FSCD contract was renewed for another year, they did drop the hours down to 15hrs a week vs the 20, but I am okay with that......at least I know he is getting some supports that I am not always able to do! And he is also learning from someother wonderful people!
Joshua......he is a special little boy, I am learning to deal with his energy in different ways all the time! He is always so excited to learn and do new things on his terms....when it is not, it is a bit more work but he is starting to get excited about this new tasks espically his computer time!
Sara....he decided that she was ready to give up pull-ups! so far 2 days with no pull ups....and only a few accidents which is awsome! I am so proud of her.....no more babies in my house!
here is a song that I have come to love so I thought I would add it!
I believe
There comes a moment when my heart must stand; alone
On this lonely path Ive chosenlike a house thats not a home
sometimes when I feel Ive had enough
and I feel like giving up
you willed me to be all I can be
now nothing can stop me
I believe in the power that comes
From a world brought together as one
I believe together well find
I believe in the power of you and I
This is the moment we have dreamed of all our lives
Well be the change we wish from others
Well stand tall for what its right
And in my hearts therell be no doubt
The arms of the world will come reaching out
And embrace me to be all I can be
Now nothing can stop me
I believe in; the power that comes
From a world brought together as oneI believe together well fly
I believe in the power of you and I
I believe the time is right now
Stand tall and make the world proud
I believe together well fly
I believe; in the power..
I believe in the power that comes
From a world brought together as one
(Of you and I)
I believe together well fly
I believe in the power of you and I
(power)
I believe the time is right now
(Oh you and I)
Stand tall and make the world proud
I believe together well fly (Together well fly)
I believe in the power of you and I
(I believe in the power of you and I)
Friday, February 26, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
time away for us!
Well 8yrs ago, I married my best friend......we were able to have a little time away (thank you Nairin) to celebrate those year....it has been almost 2yrs since we went away with no kids, as the last time was just before David's accident....so this was a well needed time.
Relaxing is one of those hard things for me, but I did a bit better this time, and it was nice to come back and my kids be like why are you home!
Relaxing is one of those hard things for me, but I did a bit better this time, and it was nice to come back and my kids be like why are you home!
Friday, February 19, 2010
cooking class
For a field trip for Dallin we signned up cooking apple crisps and making smoothys and I was going to bring Sara because Joshua would normally be in school but with David having medical apts in the morning I was to late to take Joshua to school so I brought him along instead as I knew he would totally enjoy this......and he did!
Friday, February 12, 2010
“Your plate is full, do you need some more on that?” Part 1...
“Your plate is full, do you need some more on that?”
There is more days then not, that I am thinking that lately…..I am trying really hard to stay positive like we all try too but some days that is harder than it looks….
I love my husband and my kids very very much……but between the two I feel like I am hang at the edge of the cliff waiting to fall and crash and burn…..I know that sounds bad, I have walked the line of depression once before and I know I am getting close to all of it again, it is sad that I feel like this but sometimes it is a lot.
We have done more testing for David a couple weeks ago and that came back that he still had along road ahead of him, and now he has to go for some more testing on the 18th and 19th, I really wish they could find a answer and say okay this is how long but lets really think back……it was only suppose to be a couple days and he would be back to work! We are now………
From and including: Monday, September 22, 2008
to and including: Friday, February 12, 2010
It is 509 days from the start date to the end date, end date included
Or 1 year, 4 months, 22 days including the end date
Alternative time units
509 days can be converted to one of these units:
• 43,977,600 seconds
• 732,960 minutes
• 12,216 hours
• 72 weeks (rounded down)
Okay though in my mind it was a bit longer but still this has been a LONG road!
I really want him to get the help he needs and become the person he is going to be, because right now he is not the man I feel in love with, I still love him more than anything in the world, it has taken a lot to find that balance in my mind and peace in my world….we all have image of where we see our lives going and this was one of the, “I would have been okay” if this did not happen. But at the same point would David have been as he has learned so much in his time of being home, and slowly working…..if he was still working he would have NEVER got to see what I go through, what dealing with therapy all the time is like, what it is like to have someone in your home everyday, HUGE, HUGE thing for a family to go through.
I am love my David so much, I just want him happy and not hurting so much. It is so hard because I have no control over it at all…..
Okay this is part 1 or 2 incase you don’t want to read this all!
There is more days then not, that I am thinking that lately…..I am trying really hard to stay positive like we all try too but some days that is harder than it looks….
I love my husband and my kids very very much……but between the two I feel like I am hang at the edge of the cliff waiting to fall and crash and burn…..I know that sounds bad, I have walked the line of depression once before and I know I am getting close to all of it again, it is sad that I feel like this but sometimes it is a lot.
We have done more testing for David a couple weeks ago and that came back that he still had along road ahead of him, and now he has to go for some more testing on the 18th and 19th, I really wish they could find a answer and say okay this is how long but lets really think back……it was only suppose to be a couple days and he would be back to work! We are now………
From and including: Monday, September 22, 2008
to and including: Friday, February 12, 2010
It is 509 days from the start date to the end date, end date included
Or 1 year, 4 months, 22 days including the end date
Alternative time units
509 days can be converted to one of these units:
• 43,977,600 seconds
• 732,960 minutes
• 12,216 hours
• 72 weeks (rounded down)
Okay though in my mind it was a bit longer but still this has been a LONG road!
I really want him to get the help he needs and become the person he is going to be, because right now he is not the man I feel in love with, I still love him more than anything in the world, it has taken a lot to find that balance in my mind and peace in my world….we all have image of where we see our lives going and this was one of the, “I would have been okay” if this did not happen. But at the same point would David have been as he has learned so much in his time of being home, and slowly working…..if he was still working he would have NEVER got to see what I go through, what dealing with therapy all the time is like, what it is like to have someone in your home everyday, HUGE, HUGE thing for a family to go through.
I am love my David so much, I just want him happy and not hurting so much. It is so hard because I have no control over it at all…..
Okay this is part 1 or 2 incase you don’t want to read this all!
“Your plate is full, do you need some more on that?” part 2
Part 2 My kids!
So having kids is wonderful! I do love it, I would want nothing but some weeks is more work than others....
lets start with.....
Sara
She is doing.....great her speech is coming along really good and her sense of independence is right up there.....who would want much more right? I would be okay if she was a bit more passive it would stop alot of fighting around here but otherwise she is doing well, and I am looking at her options for next year, They want her going to school for her speech next year but I am thinking I will just send her to speech outside of the school and keep her home, that is the plan at least right now as they want her going to a school in Deer Run....which I would have to drive her too! (Keep in mind all the drive they being the government (FSCD) would like me to do...)
Joshua
He is doing AMAZING, he is still have Speech issues and his ADHD and coming out here and there a bit more, but I am slowly getting on board for changing his diet just is alot of work to get started. His school teachers say they are almost pushing him above the kindergarten level so they are thinking he will go to our community school, which because we live to close I would either have to walk him or drive hiom (again factor in Sara there now!) and I would want him home at lunch, so I need to go look at the school and talk to them and there options for next year......but again, I am trying really hard to just look at what MY life would be like too for our family, and what would make us the happiest.
Joshua also has a girl a school he likes, it is so cute if you ask him he gets all shy and says I dont want to talk about it. I am happy he is doing so well leaves other worries for me, but I am so happy for him!
Joshua also only has another 3 months of inhome services and then it will just be the behaviour stuff we will working with and that will be in a social setting which is what he needs!
Dallin
I hope Dallin's will come out the way I want it to really sound, some days I am not so good at this!
Dallin is growing and learning so much, he is doing really well at homeschooling, this is the happiest I have seen him in YEARS! We still have meltdowns and anxiety issues but working on both
He had some amazing teachers when he was in school I know they cared alot about him, but the night terrors and the all night stimming will never be taken away when he has been over stimulated.
And I know I have come to a road that maybe one of my hardest fights, FSCD wants him to go back into the school system (http://www.calgaryquestschool.com) sure it is a special school that deals with many different needs, now for the number 1 thing....we live a the edge of Calgary almost near Okotoks and this school is almost downtown....at min during good traffic you are looking at 30mins on a ride 1 way, yes he mostly could get bussing but that would up the times, am I willing to move closer......nope lived in that area, like some of the people over there but not a area I like too much.....
but I have to be able to take Dallin and look at this school before his MDT panel on Feb 23 to give my fair and honest feelings, that I KNOW without a doubt I am doing what is right for my son at this point in his life, really going to MDT is l like going to court, they already have there mind made up before you get there and then you need to plead to make it all right!
Alot of emotions into that. And it is not something were you can really go God told me to do this so I am just doing it, you have to plead and make it sound like you are doing the BEST thing ever for your child! And honestly without a doubt that is what I am trying to do. I was a child that got pushed through the system and I don’t want that for my child, I want him happy and learning and if those 2 things can not be met I will not do it.
So through all of this I may lose his in home funding because I will not do what they want by me putting him in the school system, but I know he will be happy and learning, and really I know alot of the things they are doing with him anyways so as much as it is nice to have another set of hands, I am okay either way if that makes sense to anyone but me!
but when your plate is full, dont we say.......why not one more things it shouldnt make that much more of a difference.
I know may people think my faith is lacking, but let me tell you, you can only be pushed so much before it is lacking. I know there is a God I know he loves me very very much, but there are days where I am burnt out and I want a end to this all, but at that same point I will keep going because I know that is what I am asked to do for my family and myself. I am hoing to go away for a weekend, to get back to one with David and myself.....I know this is a important thing to do!
So having kids is wonderful! I do love it, I would want nothing but some weeks is more work than others....
lets start with.....
Sara
She is doing.....great her speech is coming along really good and her sense of independence is right up there.....who would want much more right? I would be okay if she was a bit more passive it would stop alot of fighting around here but otherwise she is doing well, and I am looking at her options for next year, They want her going to school for her speech next year but I am thinking I will just send her to speech outside of the school and keep her home, that is the plan at least right now as they want her going to a school in Deer Run....which I would have to drive her too! (Keep in mind all the drive they being the government (FSCD) would like me to do...)
Joshua
He is doing AMAZING, he is still have Speech issues and his ADHD and coming out here and there a bit more, but I am slowly getting on board for changing his diet just is alot of work to get started. His school teachers say they are almost pushing him above the kindergarten level so they are thinking he will go to our community school, which because we live to close I would either have to walk him or drive hiom (again factor in Sara there now!) and I would want him home at lunch, so I need to go look at the school and talk to them and there options for next year......but again, I am trying really hard to just look at what MY life would be like too for our family, and what would make us the happiest.
Joshua also has a girl a school he likes, it is so cute if you ask him he gets all shy and says I dont want to talk about it. I am happy he is doing so well leaves other worries for me, but I am so happy for him!
Joshua also only has another 3 months of inhome services and then it will just be the behaviour stuff we will working with and that will be in a social setting which is what he needs!
Dallin
I hope Dallin's will come out the way I want it to really sound, some days I am not so good at this!
Dallin is growing and learning so much, he is doing really well at homeschooling, this is the happiest I have seen him in YEARS! We still have meltdowns and anxiety issues but working on both
He had some amazing teachers when he was in school I know they cared alot about him, but the night terrors and the all night stimming will never be taken away when he has been over stimulated.
And I know I have come to a road that maybe one of my hardest fights, FSCD wants him to go back into the school system (http://www.calgaryquestschool.com) sure it is a special school that deals with many different needs, now for the number 1 thing....we live a the edge of Calgary almost near Okotoks and this school is almost downtown....at min during good traffic you are looking at 30mins on a ride 1 way, yes he mostly could get bussing but that would up the times, am I willing to move closer......nope lived in that area, like some of the people over there but not a area I like too much.....
but I have to be able to take Dallin and look at this school before his MDT panel on Feb 23 to give my fair and honest feelings, that I KNOW without a doubt I am doing what is right for my son at this point in his life, really going to MDT is l like going to court, they already have there mind made up before you get there and then you need to plead to make it all right!
Alot of emotions into that. And it is not something were you can really go God told me to do this so I am just doing it, you have to plead and make it sound like you are doing the BEST thing ever for your child! And honestly without a doubt that is what I am trying to do. I was a child that got pushed through the system and I don’t want that for my child, I want him happy and learning and if those 2 things can not be met I will not do it.
So through all of this I may lose his in home funding because I will not do what they want by me putting him in the school system, but I know he will be happy and learning, and really I know alot of the things they are doing with him anyways so as much as it is nice to have another set of hands, I am okay either way if that makes sense to anyone but me!
but when your plate is full, dont we say.......why not one more things it shouldnt make that much more of a difference.
I know may people think my faith is lacking, but let me tell you, you can only be pushed so much before it is lacking. I know there is a God I know he loves me very very much, but there are days where I am burnt out and I want a end to this all, but at that same point I will keep going because I know that is what I am asked to do for my family and myself. I am hoing to go away for a weekend, to get back to one with David and myself.....I know this is a important thing to do!
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