making Cookies with Grandma

Grandma decided that since my kids got up at 7:30am that she would keep them busy well I was getting ready for the boys teachers to come visit cause every time I cleanned up they would make more of a mess! Thank you Grandma for the help! And for doing this with my kids I am too high strung to do this will my kids allow.....to much of a mess for me, but they were good for grandma

Sara was right in there, she thought this was so awsome.

I........not sure many would know alot of these I's

I am: a child of God, happy, free to make my own choices, to be able to be happy at all times.

I think: I could be a better person, a better mom and a better part of society, a little more patience with everyone would make things a lot different

I know: that God lives, that my family and friends love me

I want: to be able to afford a house in my lifetime, to be a great mother, to be a better friend, to be more educated, to be a better wife, to be able to one day help other mom's go through what I am going through and help them learn you can smile even on the bad days.

I have: a Husband who thinks I am amazing and loves me, I have 3 amazing Children that love me what more could you ask for.

I wish: for more Patience to deal better with my everyday life, I wish to have a stronger desire to be who I know I can be, instead of seating back because I am still afraid at this age to fail.

I dislike: people who lie, who spitefully hurt others, and those who have no patience or time to understand what it is like to live in my kids world with Autsim and Sensory needs life is not always easy

I miss: being young, I feel awkward lately I am not old but I am not young, not sure where I fit!

I fear: my family dying, the unknown,not being able to do enough for my kids or my husband, I won't be ready when the Savior comes again

I feel: anxious, nervous, sad, scared, loved, excited, tired, peaceful, cold

I hear: kids playing and laughing.......no fighting at this moment it is kinda nice

I smell: the pretty air freshener not sure what it is but it is nice.

I crave: love, affection, peace and a quiet home of love.

I usually: listen to music loud so it makes my mind stop thinking for a min so I can sing or cry and not be heard.

I search: for good deals for sensory things and for answers to whats next in life.

I wonder: if I will ever feel "normal" again or if I will always feel like I am on a roller coaster and the next big drop is coming soon. or if I am actually doing everything to please my Heavenly Father........

I regret: not being stronger in my faith all the time. That I let others push me down way to easy, and make me feel like I worth nothing.

I love: my family, friends, the gospel, to laugh

I care: what other people think about me, too much.

I always: think and worry too much

I worry: about how the kids will be treated as they gets older, I worry that the boys speech will not come up more than it is, I worry that the will regress and I worry that I won't be able to provide everything they are going to need, I worry that me needing time away is a bad thing

I am not: a liar or skinny or perfect

I remember: going through each of these assessments with the kids, and feel the pain that can with every answer they gave us, I remember the tears that I cried but times as I have left the Glenrose, with Dallin the tears of WHAT no this is not my baby, and what is next......and with Joshua the pain of them not fully understand him and having to more and more test and still no true answers. and with Sara (because I can't leave her out) was the morning after she was born, I knew she was in the NICU and they kept telling me she was okay through the night but when they brought me in the first time to see her, I burst into tears not knowing that they had to put her in a box, to me that meant she wasn't fine! And then when I finally got to hold her was a little more close to home, as I totally was hard broken by her being in there.

I believe: that we are all given the trials we can handle, even though some days they may feel like too much, I know that we can do it we just have to prayer a little harder on the days that are a little harder and ask for a bit of help.

I dance: all the time especially in the car, even when my husband laughs as me.

I sing: whenever there is music on that I love!

I don’t always: stay in touch with the people I really want to as much as I'd like to, I let life take me way sometimes.

I argue: alot latley, especially when my life feels out of control, I tend to let things get the best of me or when I am passionate about an issue

I write: notes, a family journal and one for me sometimes

I win: the award for the biggest worrier, good thing my husband can be rational

I lose: my mind when I feel out of control

I never: want to feel so far away from my husband again, dates and time alone are a huge things a married couple NEED to do for them and for there kids

I listen: to the sweet new voice sounds of my kids learning to talk (some days I would not tell you it is sweet, but I do love it so much)

I don't understand: a lot about a lot of things, why people are mean, why people are impatient, why people think they have the right to tell someone how to be a parent in the store (you have no idea what is going on) I do not understand why old people much touch kids heads that is a huge sensory issue or why people must think they know what is best for each kids, why people have this theory of it is just the vaccines that cause the Autsim and never put another needle in that child......there has to be more than that too it all, and heck why we all can't take a step back and enjoy each other for who we are, why people have to think the race is the perfect race we are all made from God lets love each other........

I can usually be found: at home, outside if I have help :)

I am scared: of the future

this was very interesting to do, it made me think about where I am and who I am!

Changes!

I needed a new Change, so that is the new color.
I know I am behind on my world again, it has been very very different living in someone elses home and not having things my normal way, now nobody get me wrong I am so grateful for the chance/ opportunity to do this, as it has been a great learning curve and and we have all been able to help each other in many different ways, but as time goes along there will always be things when you put 5 adults together in the same home, as we all have a different way of doing things, and how we like things too, so it has add a little more fun. I know there will come a day when we again will have our own place, and as much as somethings drive me up the wall, the thing I will miss the most is the extra help I get with the kids. The kids have loved living with Grandma and Grandpa Mousir, it has been a awsome event to watch as Grandpa has spent more time with the kids and got to understand them a bit more, now this has not been a easy time for him as he is a bit more aggressive in general then the kids know what to do with, Dallin alot of times just screams at him or tells him to go away, as he has struggles alot with louder/ aggressive people, and for the most part at least once a week they have a good time together, so it is slowly coming all into place. Joshua just loves Grandpa and would love him home and with him 24/7 for the most part until gets in trouble for something but they are loving this time right now.
I have my days were I am getting a little more tired of it because I want my life back and my ways back.....which is good and bad :) but I think mainly we are getting to the point where we have loved our time, and it is time to move forward which is sad too. This is really a double edge sword for us because of all the help we get here, but we know Heavenly Father will help us either way, so stayed tune the "Mousir Family" can be expecting some changes again, sometime soon!

3 in 1 birthday Party

the birthday party went great, I stressed as always but everyone seemed to have fun which was way nice, because all know that not everyone gets along, but with each year I put them all together a little nicer everyone gets which is good. I think it is just hard when your parents get divorced and one gets remarried and the other one doesn't to put them all in the same room because you never know what might make one unhappy or not....oh well here are some of the picutes......

the kids playing.......

a couple of the gifts! they LOVED everything the got this year!

THE CAKES!

(they did not turn out as well as I would have liked but I am slowly getting better with time)

Those who attended the birthday party are:

Dad/grandpa Dalton

Mom/grandma McLean and Charlie

Matthew and Christine and there baby Dominic

Mom/grandma and Dad/grandpa Mousir

The Kiddle Family

(Dalton, Mitchel, Courtney, Cassandra, Anthony and Barb and Glenn)

a super hot day

Because it was so hot we thought it would be fun to add water to our time outside

Joshua moving like he was a bus or a car

Overall everyone had fun, till they got cold as that water was way super cold!

Trampoline Fun!!

she so loves this
okay I am not sure who loves it more!

everyone gets out to play, even aunty!

Happy Birthday Mousir Kids

For Anyone that really knows our kids they would know to my kids this is the best thing in the entire world because they love jumping and running that much! so we thought this would be cool as there one big birthday gift and Wal-Mart had dropped the price so it was a good time! it took us awhile to put it all together but great fun and even David and I have enjoyed some good jumping moments and so good talking times laying on it late at night looking at the stars!

a hot day new sprinklers!

the safe place to watch from!

David was having so much fun playing with the kids, he loves being able to get out there and see those awsome smiles they have, this summer has been very different for us, David and I have felt very much in limbo and so it has been a little harder to sit back and always in enjoy they little things like this.

Sara's 2nd Birthday

We had cake and presents on the Sunday for Sara! even though her birthday was on Sat.

Here is my little birthday girl, it is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard to think that she is 2 now, I am unsure where the time went! but she had a great day, and with them all having birthdays so close together she totally got the idea, the funny thing to me is they all had to feel them!

these are sara at 3 months old

sara when she was 1

things I have been thinking about

okay I know I keep saying I am going to update my life to you all but it has been a little crazy, most mom's love summer, I personally hate summer, because it means my kids are off there "normal" world, it means I must do more activities to keep them somewhat normal, which really means this is more work for me than them being at school, yes I do love my kids but I am not a super organized craft fun mom, some mom enjoy having every moment of there day planned and my kids belong to that mom but I am not! But on the up note school almost starts only....a month left really! hahahaha

I want to say on the up movement it has been a summer of eye opening for me, as we moved down here I was very very much burnt out, and so I had to let others step in and help me, now anyone who knows me knows this is the hardest thing in the world for me because it is much easier to do it myself because I won't have to do it again! especially when it comes to my kids, did you know there is even a certain way to make KD and if you do it wrong the next 10times it is front of you it is still going to be wrong no matter what anyone says. And did you know if you scream loud enough cake does come before dinner! back to my eye opening moment, with me being burnt out and let others step up and help it has taught me about my box I live in, I have done so much in my life to help me have a calm smooth live with my kids, great right? NO because the "autism OCD" has taken over my life, I can now see it which is nice because I am not sure how many actually see it and see they need to change it but it is helped me to see that I need to work on this a bit more!
Our plan of different is okay for the summer has been working for the most part, as it is helping them adjust to many things, we moved here and are living with the Wendy and Philip for those that did not know that, it was a good adjustment in the way that they got something they are some what comfortable with and then sooner or later we will get our own place again! When we are not sure but it will all come together in the Lords time, but being here has helped David and I build our relationship a bit more as we can take the well needed breaks and when my health is not all there I can sleep and no one really says anything and my kids are still taken care of, one day we will figure out my health but it is all a step in the right direction.

I did want to make one last comment before I end this post this is a little different........

I have been thinking alot about where life has been as we are almost at our 2 yr mark of Dallin being assessed for his language delay, and every time I here someone else is going through this world it makes my heart skip a beat and pause and almost cry because I remember the pain that I went through and how I would love for no one else to go through this but it is just not going to happen so all I can say to this family that is going through this all, pray and pray some more for strength, Heavenly Father is not giving you anything you can not handle even through right now I know you feel that way, and if you ever need to talk or cry feel free to call. I know it can be hard to not feel like the bad mom who can't control our kids the right way at church and in real life! my prayers are with you!

Calgary Zoo with Kiddles!

So we went to the Calgary Zoo with the Kiddle Family, which was alot of fun, my kids had not been in along time and we went with kids the love being around so it made it all better, and I got some Adult talking time which is nice too!

Dallin thought the bear was cool

Anthony and Joshua were going all the time....though there was a couple breaks!

popr Sara at the end of the zoo.....by the time we hit the van she was completley out!