I........not sure many would know alot of these I's

I am: a child of God, happy, free to make my own choices, to be able to be happy at all times.

I think: I could be a better person, a better mom and a better part of society, a little more patience with everyone would make things a lot different

I know: that God lives, that my family and friends love me

I want: to be able to afford a house in my lifetime, to be a great mother, to be a better friend, to be more educated, to be a better wife, to be able to one day help other mom's go through what I am going through and help them learn you can smile even on the bad days.

I have: a Husband who thinks I am amazing and loves me, I have 3 amazing Children that love me what more could you ask for.

I wish: for more Patience to deal better with my everyday life, I wish to have a stronger desire to be who I know I can be, instead of seating back because I am still afraid at this age to fail.

I dislike: people who lie, who spitefully hurt others, and those who have no patience or time to understand what it is like to live in my kids world with Autsim and Sensory needs life is not always easy

I miss: being young, I feel awkward lately I am not old but I am not young, not sure where I fit!

I fear: my family dying, the unknown,not being able to do enough for my kids or my husband, I won't be ready when the Savior comes again

I feel: anxious, nervous, sad, scared, loved, excited, tired, peaceful, cold

I hear: kids playing and laughing.......no fighting at this moment it is kinda nice

I smell: the pretty air freshener not sure what it is but it is nice.

I crave: love, affection, peace and a quiet home of love.

I usually: listen to music loud so it makes my mind stop thinking for a min so I can sing or cry and not be heard.

I search: for good deals for sensory things and for answers to whats next in life.

I wonder: if I will ever feel "normal" again or if I will always feel like I am on a roller coaster and the next big drop is coming soon. or if I am actually doing everything to please my Heavenly Father........

I regret: not being stronger in my faith all the time. That I let others push me down way to easy, and make me feel like I worth nothing.

I love: my family, friends, the gospel, to laugh

I care: what other people think about me, too much.

I always: think and worry too much

I worry: about how the kids will be treated as they gets older, I worry that the boys speech will not come up more than it is, I worry that the will regress and I worry that I won't be able to provide everything they are going to need, I worry that me needing time away is a bad thing

I am not: a liar or skinny or perfect

I remember: going through each of these assessments with the kids, and feel the pain that can with every answer they gave us, I remember the tears that I cried but times as I have left the Glenrose, with Dallin the tears of WHAT no this is not my baby, and what is next......and with Joshua the pain of them not fully understand him and having to more and more test and still no true answers. and with Sara (because I can't leave her out) was the morning after she was born, I knew she was in the NICU and they kept telling me she was okay through the night but when they brought me in the first time to see her, I burst into tears not knowing that they had to put her in a box, to me that meant she wasn't fine! And then when I finally got to hold her was a little more close to home, as I totally was hard broken by her being in there.

I believe: that we are all given the trials we can handle, even though some days they may feel like too much, I know that we can do it we just have to prayer a little harder on the days that are a little harder and ask for a bit of help.

I dance: all the time especially in the car, even when my husband laughs as me.

I sing: whenever there is music on that I love!

I don’t always: stay in touch with the people I really want to as much as I'd like to, I let life take me way sometimes.

I argue: alot latley, especially when my life feels out of control, I tend to let things get the best of me or when I am passionate about an issue

I write: notes, a family journal and one for me sometimes

I win: the award for the biggest worrier, good thing my husband can be rational

I lose: my mind when I feel out of control

I never: want to feel so far away from my husband again, dates and time alone are a huge things a married couple NEED to do for them and for there kids

I listen: to the sweet new voice sounds of my kids learning to talk (some days I would not tell you it is sweet, but I do love it so much)

I don't understand: a lot about a lot of things, why people are mean, why people are impatient, why people think they have the right to tell someone how to be a parent in the store (you have no idea what is going on) I do not understand why old people much touch kids heads that is a huge sensory issue or why people must think they know what is best for each kids, why people have this theory of it is just the vaccines that cause the Autsim and never put another needle in that child......there has to be more than that too it all, and heck why we all can't take a step back and enjoy each other for who we are, why people have to think the race is the perfect race we are all made from God lets love each other........

I can usually be found: at home, outside if I have help :)

I am scared: of the future

this was very interesting to do, it made me think about where I am and who I am!