Wednesday, September 30, 2009
the next emotional rollercoaster
tomorrow is the start again of a emotional roller coaster. I am so scared and sad and excited all in a ball roll it and you will find maybe one of my many emotions. Joshua starts testing again, with the preschool assessment team. Many would question why we are pushing for this again, as we did this a couple years ago, but they could not give us a answer at this time and I hope at this point they will be able to figure out what is going on with our Joshua, it is so hard as I watch him get to mad and frustrated with his worker at home every day and as I sat in his IPP meeting at school today and listen to them tell me he is the most wonderful child and they have no problems with him I want to cry, I know he is a wonderful child and I am so glad that he is doing so well at school but why is he not doing well at home with us, what are we doing so wrong. I wish I could figure this all out, I hate feeling like I am a bad mom but that is sadly what this meeting made me feel like today, so I am hoping that they lady he seeing tomorrow call see some of these issues and either tell us something, or offer a bit more support to be able to seal with this things, it is not that I want a label for my child it is I truly want him getting the help he truly needs. it is just a hard emotion time and I get a bit ugly during these times and I probably truly wont have a answer until the 22nd of Oct which is a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG to wait for answers.
summer is gone.....
Where has time gone summer is gone and now we are back to the grind. I would love to say that is a good thing and I think it is.......we are slowly getting into the swing of things. Joshua is loving school, he is doing so well. we went through a few days thinking he would not get in because he has improved so much but he did get in which is nice and Dallin is starting to settle in well with the home schooling, though today i was boring but most days he does well. we are starting to fit nicely into out new home and love it, there is so much close to us.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Tribute to TJ Andrews
Wow I would not have thought I would have to do this yet for many years, I really wish I could totally hug Shelly and say I am sorry this happened but at the same point we all knew this day would come but when we were not sure.
I consider TJ like a brother, I loved the moments we did get to hang out, many good times and many bad times, like with anyone. TJ is and always will be a amazing person in my life.
TJ for the most part was a very happy person, alot of out look and alot of dreams in his life. I loved about him he really thought he could do almost anything. I did share my tears of sorrow with him as well. TJ had some great roommates and some bad ones I was there through alot of them. When times were bad especially before Shelly was in the picture he would call me. I remember like yesterday when he called to tell me his mom passed away I layed there and cried with him. I want to ease his pain and knew at that moment I could not, I am so glad he is with his mom as this time, she was a great woman I enjoyed the dinner I was able to eat with them the one time.
I do remember the first time I met TJ he was my home teacher, TJ lived in the big house and I was in the love shack.(good names for young adult housing) I struggled so hard that first year I was in Edmonton, I struggled emotionally and spiritually, TJ worked very hard to help me raise myself up. I spent alot of time with him going places that he could not get too without help.I went to many weddings with TJ and many events, he was at that time trully my best friend. I remember times when TJ would get depressed because his life was not going the way he thought it should have been. And my times that we both trully walked that line, we both took our times away from the church and did things that were not always good but we both worked hard to help the other one to find our ways back to where we need to be.
TJ was the first one to know I was engaged, he was actually sitting in the living room when David asked me outside on the balcony. I remember him being so excited for us, he was sad because it was not him but so happy for us. I was so happy for him to be our MC at our wedding reception he had so much fun with that. I remember when him and Shelly got together, they were so good together I was so happy for them, not everyone was on the same page at first but we all learned in the end that they were the best for each other, they made each other so happy. I was one of the first when TJ called to say the Shelly was expecting. I remember the feelings that went together with that for them. TJ really thought he would never be able to have children and was blessed with 3 before he life this earth and the 4 on the way and due in the next month. Bless Shelly with the strength to make it through those tough moments ahead. David enjoyed being part of the wedding when Shelly and TJ got married, there is just so many moments that we have enjoyed with them as families know. Birthday parties just a because visit. it was hard when we moved to different cities but at times we worked hard to see each other more than when we lived in the same cities.
TJ Andrews
Oct 28, 1978 - Sept 20,2009
I consider TJ like a brother, I loved the moments we did get to hang out, many good times and many bad times, like with anyone. TJ is and always will be a amazing person in my life.
TJ for the most part was a very happy person, alot of out look and alot of dreams in his life. I loved about him he really thought he could do almost anything. I did share my tears of sorrow with him as well. TJ had some great roommates and some bad ones I was there through alot of them. When times were bad especially before Shelly was in the picture he would call me. I remember like yesterday when he called to tell me his mom passed away I layed there and cried with him. I want to ease his pain and knew at that moment I could not, I am so glad he is with his mom as this time, she was a great woman I enjoyed the dinner I was able to eat with them the one time.
I do remember the first time I met TJ he was my home teacher, TJ lived in the big house and I was in the love shack.(good names for young adult housing) I struggled so hard that first year I was in Edmonton, I struggled emotionally and spiritually, TJ worked very hard to help me raise myself up. I spent alot of time with him going places that he could not get too without help.I went to many weddings with TJ and many events, he was at that time trully my best friend. I remember times when TJ would get depressed because his life was not going the way he thought it should have been. And my times that we both trully walked that line, we both took our times away from the church and did things that were not always good but we both worked hard to help the other one to find our ways back to where we need to be.
TJ was the first one to know I was engaged, he was actually sitting in the living room when David asked me outside on the balcony. I remember him being so excited for us, he was sad because it was not him but so happy for us. I was so happy for him to be our MC at our wedding reception he had so much fun with that. I remember when him and Shelly got together, they were so good together I was so happy for them, not everyone was on the same page at first but we all learned in the end that they were the best for each other, they made each other so happy. I was one of the first when TJ called to say the Shelly was expecting. I remember the feelings that went together with that for them. TJ really thought he would never be able to have children and was blessed with 3 before he life this earth and the 4 on the way and due in the next month. Bless Shelly with the strength to make it through those tough moments ahead. David enjoyed being part of the wedding when Shelly and TJ got married, there is just so many moments that we have enjoyed with them as families know. Birthday parties just a because visit. it was hard when we moved to different cities but at times we worked hard to see each other more than when we lived in the same cities.
I know I have started to ramble and probably not make much sense to many others, but in the end TJ was a awsome friend, to those around and a awsome husband a father to his family and will be greatly missed by all TJ trully is a hero to me for the things he has been through. many God be with his family and help us to be the supports that they are going to need as time goes on, we love you Shelly, Thomas, Maggie. Harrison and the new baby you are always on our minds and in our prayers
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
ONE Year Down!
ONE YEAR DOWN!
David did go back to work just before the one year mark, Only part time still and not where he would like to be but it is something a start to see where we go from there. So far he is doing well, things seem to be getting a bit better for him the headaces are still there but that sadly is something he might have to learn to live with. I wish he could say things are totally better, when we hit the year mark it was suppose to be "better" as of it we are not DONE! but I know through the faith of God things are going to get better. he has been promised that and I do believe it sometimes it is just the faith to know what GOD's time frame in that is the hard part, but we are slowly starting to be a bit better with him working again, I do miss the second set of hands in the hours that are more stressful then others but glad to be getting back into my routine of things.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
in a bit of shock
still in a bit of Shock, Katrina called to tell me how TJ was doing, and that they were going to be turning the machines off with TJ later today, I just sat there like this is a dream this is not real, it has been hard being away from out friends in Edmonton. All I could do was cry for the family of TJ, as I knew in the long run this day was coming but still not easy. I wish the family peace at this time in there life.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
DONE
DONE with the crazy landlord, did our walk through tonight and everything was marked off good after the second walk through as they trully thought that the place should look as if it came out of box and we didnt live there for the last year with 3 kids. They wanted no wear and tear at all. But after all is said and done I am still thinking of taking him to small claims for my almost $300 but otherwise we got all our money back, and I am glad that I am not having to deal with him on almost daily base.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
looking for..........a little sunshine!
As some many know and others many not know, the time has come again for us to look for a new place, only because our landlord became crazy, and now he is driving me to a crazy land.....where I leave the curtain's closed all day just so if he does show up I don't have to see him and he won't know I am home to talk to me....it helped us when we needed it, we loved this area and we loved the ward we were in at church, but we are struggling to find something in our price range in the area we want, so we are sure it is Heavenly Father leading us to other things, some days I get really mad that we have not stayed anywhere long to plant our feet firmly but at the same time it has allowed us to touch our people and teach people about our children and the blessing the are.
This time we have been looking at places we have been very up front about our kids and the challenges that they bring with them, because for some reason I felt this important this time, not sure why but sometimes you follow the spirit and learn later, Sat we got the chance to look at 2 places 1 I really loved and the other I would have been okay never to hear back from type thing....And then we went for dinner just David and I which was nice and then we went to a movie, I have not cried so much in a movie in a long time, I would recommend anyone going to see it, it was my sister's keeper totally different thing this family suffers from but at the same point how you deal with it all is not any different if that makes sense.....So David and I were able to talk and look at where our live is and where we are going and how we want things to be again....And as I sat and cried I knew there was someone I was forgetting among it all....it was really myself, I have been so consumed with the kids and with David I have forgot me...and as I stress myself to the max about moving again, I forget about me...and then we forget about us, as a couple we have just coasted again for a few months again.... so here is trying to find a new place so I can find me again, and not lock myself or my kids up anymore....I need some happiness in my life again...I am praying hard the Heavenly Father will show us to the right place and let the right person now, that this is what we NEED! I am so tired, I just need a little bit of sunshine in my life!
On a up note, David starts working 4 hours a day with Glenn at his store starting tomorrow so that is exciting, it is not his normal job yet, but this is the road to a start!
This time we have been looking at places we have been very up front about our kids and the challenges that they bring with them, because for some reason I felt this important this time, not sure why but sometimes you follow the spirit and learn later, Sat we got the chance to look at 2 places 1 I really loved and the other I would have been okay never to hear back from type thing....And then we went for dinner just David and I which was nice and then we went to a movie, I have not cried so much in a movie in a long time, I would recommend anyone going to see it, it was my sister's keeper totally different thing this family suffers from but at the same point how you deal with it all is not any different if that makes sense.....So David and I were able to talk and look at where our live is and where we are going and how we want things to be again....And as I sat and cried I knew there was someone I was forgetting among it all....it was really myself, I have been so consumed with the kids and with David I have forgot me...and as I stress myself to the max about moving again, I forget about me...and then we forget about us, as a couple we have just coasted again for a few months again.... so here is trying to find a new place so I can find me again, and not lock myself or my kids up anymore....I need some happiness in my life again...I am praying hard the Heavenly Father will show us to the right place and let the right person now, that this is what we NEED! I am so tired, I just need a little bit of sunshine in my life!
On a up note, David starts working 4 hours a day with Glenn at his store starting tomorrow so that is exciting, it is not his normal job yet, but this is the road to a start!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
summer!
I would love to say that summer has been great! but that would be a LIE.....it has been a hard transitation and let me tell you I will be glad to have some routine back in my life, I am going to order my program that I have wanted for almost 3 yrs now by the end of the month so I that I can get life ogranized the program I want is...boardmaker, now some of you would not know what that is because you have never had to use it but it is a program that allows you to use a visual picture to tell kids what they need to do step by step type thing....for Dallin the visual cues are soooooooooo important, he is so much calmer with with them, and we are looking at still getting him the ipod touch to put some pictures on so he can talk with others when he has the lack of words he needs....Dallin has come along ways but still has a long ways to go...I have learned to totally love the simple things about Dallin the smelling/ picking of flowers the drawing on everything....the loves he is so sincere when he tells you he loves you....I am so excited to homeschool him next year, I think he will trully learn the meaning to loving life!
Joshua has struggled as well with summer, he loves have his routine as well....I am so excited for him to go to providence I am hoping this is the year they will figure him out totally...he has been sitting on the fence for 3 yrs now...I know he is different, I have a strong sense of what I think is going on but sadly the medical people and I are not always seeing eye to eye on this all....so here we wait again for more testing for him...I hope one day this will all be calmer...
Sara, my amazing Sara, we had her speech assement done, a bit ago and paied out of pocket for it as it is so long to get aything done here in Calgary but they gave her the moderate-severe language delay and for some reason i was okay with this one, it is 3rd is a charm type thing.....but as I have gone through the summer waiting to hear if she gets into school which the final answer is not till the 17th of Aug, I have prayed that she will get the one year of school and be good....her social skills are amazing, i am learning more and more she is more like a "nomral" child but just has a language delay, and actually since doing the assessment her language has come up along ways....she is trying so hard to talk and get things through to us, it is AMAZING.....and okay the part that is about to drive me up the wall now is WHY? WHY? WHY? I have never had this before and let me tell you i don't feel like I missed out on anything up to this point...:) I know that is bad, but being asked why about everything can drive a person crazy!
I do love my childern they are teaching me so much right now, I have more patiance then I ever thought I would have....but I am trully loving it this week!
Joshua has struggled as well with summer, he loves have his routine as well....I am so excited for him to go to providence I am hoping this is the year they will figure him out totally...he has been sitting on the fence for 3 yrs now...I know he is different, I have a strong sense of what I think is going on but sadly the medical people and I are not always seeing eye to eye on this all....so here we wait again for more testing for him...I hope one day this will all be calmer...
Sara, my amazing Sara, we had her speech assement done, a bit ago and paied out of pocket for it as it is so long to get aything done here in Calgary but they gave her the moderate-severe language delay and for some reason i was okay with this one, it is 3rd is a charm type thing.....but as I have gone through the summer waiting to hear if she gets into school which the final answer is not till the 17th of Aug, I have prayed that she will get the one year of school and be good....her social skills are amazing, i am learning more and more she is more like a "nomral" child but just has a language delay, and actually since doing the assessment her language has come up along ways....she is trying so hard to talk and get things through to us, it is AMAZING.....and okay the part that is about to drive me up the wall now is WHY? WHY? WHY? I have never had this before and let me tell you i don't feel like I missed out on anything up to this point...:) I know that is bad, but being asked why about everything can drive a person crazy!
I do love my childern they are teaching me so much right now, I have more patiance then I ever thought I would have....but I am trully loving it this week!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
all in a mornings work....
I am thought I would add this.....it was my status on facbook last week....but it shows a true morning....
all in a mornings work.....deal with one meltdown because Aid told him to get dressed, get another child off top bunk, fully dress him because he is refusing to get dressed or do anything, deal with a screaming child that tripped and bumped her head into the wall bit her lip and has blood running down her face.....breakfast went okay then meltdowns getting snacks and meltdowns going out the door......all before 10am!
all in a mornings work.....deal with one meltdown because Aid told him to get dressed, get another child off top bunk, fully dress him because he is refusing to get dressed or do anything, deal with a screaming child that tripped and bumped her head into the wall bit her lip and has blood running down her face.....breakfast went okay then meltdowns getting snacks and meltdowns going out the door......all before 10am!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Update!
Hello All,
I thought I would write a note as I have not done well this year with keep up with people, it has been a long year, We moved to Calgary in June (David came down in may) this was a hard move for us, we truly love Edmonton, I missed family but even with time that has been filled…..After moving here we stayed with David’s parents for the summer which was nice it allowed us to have some breaks which we had not had for awhile. In Sept David had a work accident and was hit in the head with a 50lb bar, and has since been off work with migraines and other symptoms that are not sure why there are still going on as the Ct-scans and the MRIs are coming back normal so here we sit and wait still….this has been a HUGE struggle may may tears have been had over all of this….Hopefully they will figure it out soon….
I thought I would give an update on the kids:
Dallin:
He is a superstar, he really enjoyed school this year but still very much struggled with it, he was only in a class of 4 including him, but 2 of the boys were talkers and he found this very, very hard to deal with….Dallin’s language has come up a bit, still has a long ways to come for those of you that understand numbers and reports I will add that in too, but over all Dallin is not the same little boy from 3 years ago….our Early ed funding is done and now we move on to grade 1 that is so hard to imagine that he is that old…Dallin is going to be home schooled next year as the Calgary board of Education placed him in a class of 30 kids with 5 special needs and 1 aid, I thanked the lady and told her I would not do that to my son. Thank was a hard choice and I know there are many people that think I am going to hurt him by home schooling him as he will miss out on the social skills, to them I say you are wrong, he will still get those social skills, as he will still be having a aid 20hrs a week to work on those skills and he will be placed in programs that help him with those skills, my main goal in life is for my kids to love life and to love learning and when you are not happy you are not doing either! So Dallin will go through Argyll Centre, and have an IPP again to help him hit his goals at the right times!
The Brigance test was the one done:
Motor Domain: 9%
Language Domain: 0.5%
Academic/Cognitive Domain: 3%
Self-help Domain: <0.2%
Socio-Emotional Domain: N/A (7months)
Adaptive Behavior: 1%
Joshua:
He is my full of energy and full of life…..can’t sit still type child, I love him but some days I wish he was just a bit more calm, we have been working on it and it slowly coming but it is a hard thing to teach a child who truly loves those high moments to be calm. Joshua finished his second year of early ed, did wonderful but again I found he was in a class that he was more of a role model than a child that got a lot of one on one…..which is sad as he really is crying out for it, we have struggled to find that balance with him on attention he loves both positive and negative attention. But Joshua is going to go to Providence next year, this is a school that as I walked in brought a tear to my eye it reminded me of what I would call home of Elmwood School in Edmonton, the sensory rooms the gyms the things that force him to move but for a good way and to calm in a good way too, and as Debra showed us around I just felt more and more at home, I know he will do good, as we are putting him in a class that has 5-6 typical to mild kids in it too, so I think the peer modeling will be great for him and he is most likely going to have a male teacher which will be great! Joshua is sad to be moving to a new school as he made friends this year but I know he will do it again!
Joshua’s Brigance test is:
Motor Domain: 9%
Language Domain: 23%
Receptive: 27%
Expressive: 8%
Academic/Cognitive domain: 9%
Self-Help Domain: 3%
Social-Emotional: N/A (20months)
Adaptive Behavior: 9%
Miss Sara:
Oh our princess and really that is what she is! Will hopefully start school as well in Sept, She received a moderate to severe language delay on her testing….this came as no shock to me….but at the same point it did how strange is that…but we love her she is doing so well, she is my helper she wants to clean up she wants to help the boys get ready if only she would motivate herself on things but we are working on that, potty training is coming with her…….maybe by the end of summer but I am not going to stress out too much about it. I am enjoying being a mom to a little girl how loves to carry her purse and walk in high heels, David and I always say she is going to beat up some little boy very gracefully as she is very….aggressive but very girly……..
Otherwise we are doing well, I am emotionally holding it together for the most part I am ready for my break, I am ready to have no more huge stresses, but I also know that there is a God who is watching out for me and my family and now we can do the things he has placed in front of us which is so comforting too…..
I have open back up my blog as many had asked if I would so I will try it again….I love letting everyone see what is new, I am working o updating it but it will come soon especially now that it is SUMMER and I don’t have to go out every day!
Miss everyone so much and hope everyone is doing well!
Christine and the Mousir Family
I thought I would write a note as I have not done well this year with keep up with people, it has been a long year, We moved to Calgary in June (David came down in may) this was a hard move for us, we truly love Edmonton, I missed family but even with time that has been filled…..After moving here we stayed with David’s parents for the summer which was nice it allowed us to have some breaks which we had not had for awhile. In Sept David had a work accident and was hit in the head with a 50lb bar, and has since been off work with migraines and other symptoms that are not sure why there are still going on as the Ct-scans and the MRIs are coming back normal so here we sit and wait still….this has been a HUGE struggle may may tears have been had over all of this….Hopefully they will figure it out soon….
I thought I would give an update on the kids:
Dallin:
He is a superstar, he really enjoyed school this year but still very much struggled with it, he was only in a class of 4 including him, but 2 of the boys were talkers and he found this very, very hard to deal with….Dallin’s language has come up a bit, still has a long ways to come for those of you that understand numbers and reports I will add that in too, but over all Dallin is not the same little boy from 3 years ago….our Early ed funding is done and now we move on to grade 1 that is so hard to imagine that he is that old…Dallin is going to be home schooled next year as the Calgary board of Education placed him in a class of 30 kids with 5 special needs and 1 aid, I thanked the lady and told her I would not do that to my son. Thank was a hard choice and I know there are many people that think I am going to hurt him by home schooling him as he will miss out on the social skills, to them I say you are wrong, he will still get those social skills, as he will still be having a aid 20hrs a week to work on those skills and he will be placed in programs that help him with those skills, my main goal in life is for my kids to love life and to love learning and when you are not happy you are not doing either! So Dallin will go through Argyll Centre, and have an IPP again to help him hit his goals at the right times!
The Brigance test was the one done:
Motor Domain: 9%
Language Domain: 0.5%
Academic/Cognitive Domain: 3%
Self-help Domain: <0.2%
Socio-Emotional Domain: N/A (7months)
Adaptive Behavior: 1%
Joshua:
He is my full of energy and full of life…..can’t sit still type child, I love him but some days I wish he was just a bit more calm, we have been working on it and it slowly coming but it is a hard thing to teach a child who truly loves those high moments to be calm. Joshua finished his second year of early ed, did wonderful but again I found he was in a class that he was more of a role model than a child that got a lot of one on one…..which is sad as he really is crying out for it, we have struggled to find that balance with him on attention he loves both positive and negative attention. But Joshua is going to go to Providence next year, this is a school that as I walked in brought a tear to my eye it reminded me of what I would call home of Elmwood School in Edmonton, the sensory rooms the gyms the things that force him to move but for a good way and to calm in a good way too, and as Debra showed us around I just felt more and more at home, I know he will do good, as we are putting him in a class that has 5-6 typical to mild kids in it too, so I think the peer modeling will be great for him and he is most likely going to have a male teacher which will be great! Joshua is sad to be moving to a new school as he made friends this year but I know he will do it again!
Joshua’s Brigance test is:
Motor Domain: 9%
Language Domain: 23%
Receptive: 27%
Expressive: 8%
Academic/Cognitive domain: 9%
Self-Help Domain: 3%
Social-Emotional: N/A (20months)
Adaptive Behavior: 9%
Miss Sara:
Oh our princess and really that is what she is! Will hopefully start school as well in Sept, She received a moderate to severe language delay on her testing….this came as no shock to me….but at the same point it did how strange is that…but we love her she is doing so well, she is my helper she wants to clean up she wants to help the boys get ready if only she would motivate herself on things but we are working on that, potty training is coming with her…….maybe by the end of summer but I am not going to stress out too much about it. I am enjoying being a mom to a little girl how loves to carry her purse and walk in high heels, David and I always say she is going to beat up some little boy very gracefully as she is very….aggressive but very girly……..
Otherwise we are doing well, I am emotionally holding it together for the most part I am ready for my break, I am ready to have no more huge stresses, but I also know that there is a God who is watching out for me and my family and now we can do the things he has placed in front of us which is so comforting too…..
I have open back up my blog as many had asked if I would so I will try it again….I love letting everyone see what is new, I am working o updating it but it will come soon especially now that it is SUMMER and I don’t have to go out every day!
Miss everyone so much and hope everyone is doing well!
Christine and the Mousir Family
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
School is almost done
Well as we come into the last few days of school, emotions are high....I have really struggled with New Heights this year, there has been a few promises broken and to say the least it has been a tough year, have the boys got the services I think they should have not really, but what do you do......I know we are suppose to be here.....in Calgary but let me tell you that has been the hardest thing this week, I feel like my Dallin is getting the short end of the stick but I can't fix that right now.....I know there are going to be alot of family and friends who may think or say there comments about Dallin being home schooled but let me tell you at this point in life this is the BEST choice for him, As the Calgary school board was going to put him in a classroom of 25-30 kids with a min of 5 other special needs kids and 1 aid, YES that 1 aid to help meet these kids needs you are CRAZY if you think I will do that, Dallin did meet the requirements to be in the Autism Class but they felt because he was quiet and complacent that he would be fine in a normal class, I think they are totally wrong how would a child that in tests meets about 2.5 yrs behind work fine with kids his age when most of the problems are social and speech.....you are asking for failure and unhappiness, I want my kids to love life and love learn and you are not going to get that without the right supports, so Dallin will be with me next year as we homeschooling through Argyll Centre which is through the Edmonton Public school system.....
Joshua will be at providence next year with his last year of PUF funding....he has come along ways but he still has along ways to come, at his last doctors apt he did get the ADHD label which I knew he would get, he is a total handful that I would not ask many to take care of....but I love him so much and hope that this next year will be the best for him and that we will be able to figure out what is truly going on with him, I hope this will make life a bit easier.
My Sara....the death of me.....my princess....and drama queen, is doing wonderful, she did come out with a moderate-severe language delay so we are waiting to hear if she too will get into providence it would be so nice, as she would feel like she is special too, she looks up to her brothers so much but does not truly understand why they are different and why they have friends that come everyday to play with them....that is so hard as she has truly never known any different and now she really wants that friend to play with too.....
My David......I would love to say things are getting better, but i don't think they are....I think somethings have got better and then other things have gotten worse.....bless his heart I know he is trying but this has truly been a trial that neither of us would want to do again....
me.... I am slowly getting there, this has been a really really tough time for me...the cliff has been close at times....and I may still see the edge but I know Heavenly Father does love me and which ever path I do choice he will be there for me.....
I am going to try and get some pictures up this week.....I will try to get better again!
Joshua will be at providence next year with his last year of PUF funding....he has come along ways but he still has along ways to come, at his last doctors apt he did get the ADHD label which I knew he would get, he is a total handful that I would not ask many to take care of....but I love him so much and hope that this next year will be the best for him and that we will be able to figure out what is truly going on with him, I hope this will make life a bit easier.
My Sara....the death of me.....my princess....and drama queen, is doing wonderful, she did come out with a moderate-severe language delay so we are waiting to hear if she too will get into providence it would be so nice, as she would feel like she is special too, she looks up to her brothers so much but does not truly understand why they are different and why they have friends that come everyday to play with them....that is so hard as she has truly never known any different and now she really wants that friend to play with too.....
My David......I would love to say things are getting better, but i don't think they are....I think somethings have got better and then other things have gotten worse.....bless his heart I know he is trying but this has truly been a trial that neither of us would want to do again....
me.... I am slowly getting there, this has been a really really tough time for me...the cliff has been close at times....and I may still see the edge but I know Heavenly Father does love me and which ever path I do choice he will be there for me.....
I am going to try and get some pictures up this week.....I will try to get better again!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
my dr visit!
I know I have not put much in about the kids latley, but to say the least the are all still well. I feel like Sara may throw my over the edge of my cliff most days but all is well, I am still looking into school for next year not all my options are done yet!
On another note I am sick again, so today I went to the doctor for some meds to make me feel better, it was only of those intresting visits after he was done with me he was probably like WOW she is more messed up them she knows, he came in with meds for my cough he was sure it was all something that would pass with time but gave me something to make me feel better from his cupboard and then he was like anything else before I leave, and I was like ummmm well my peroids aren't going so normal, I have been on the same birth control (oops if ya didn't see that one coming sorry) but my body and it have stopped working together as well so on a happy note he put me on one that I only get my period every 3 months YEPPPY for that one! hopefully it doesn't make them worse cause they are all ready bad........but up for trying many more things, and then the famous last words......anything else.......I think I am losing my mind :) he stops and looks at me.....and says because of your husband? HAHAHAHAHAHA it took alot to not blame it all on him, and I stopped and said no I think I am really just burnt out after the last 3 long hard years and I can't do it anymore and then burst into tears......I am BURNTout, but honestly and maybe this is me overthinking everything tonight, who won't be if they trully had walked in the same shoes I have for the last 3 yrs, I won't go into everything but let me tell you in with the throns there have been some amazing roses but I have been poked ALOT and after finally saying it too him I felt human, at this point anyone that told me I was over racting it would take me alot not to hurt them. I am trying really hard to control my anger this week, month and year but I am tried of being judge for not being perfect, I am HUMAN and anyone that thinks different needs help themeselves.....I am done trying to be something I am not and there is going to be some sad people in the world as the real me stands up and says NO!!!!!!! I am trying harder to do this espically since I have been made to feel guilty a few weeks back by someone that is suppose to be family, I don't have to put myself though anything I don't want to which is a awsome part of FREEDOM!
Oh well I went on a rant that might not have been needed but I am trying very hard to find me again and be the happy me! it is coming, and my running is coming, being sick has not helped so hopefully this week is better, because I got told today a min of 10 mins of exercise a day makes us all a little happier!
On another note I am sick again, so today I went to the doctor for some meds to make me feel better, it was only of those intresting visits after he was done with me he was probably like WOW she is more messed up them she knows, he came in with meds for my cough he was sure it was all something that would pass with time but gave me something to make me feel better from his cupboard and then he was like anything else before I leave, and I was like ummmm well my peroids aren't going so normal, I have been on the same birth control (oops if ya didn't see that one coming sorry) but my body and it have stopped working together as well so on a happy note he put me on one that I only get my period every 3 months YEPPPY for that one! hopefully it doesn't make them worse cause they are all ready bad........but up for trying many more things, and then the famous last words......anything else.......I think I am losing my mind :) he stops and looks at me.....and says because of your husband? HAHAHAHAHAHA it took alot to not blame it all on him, and I stopped and said no I think I am really just burnt out after the last 3 long hard years and I can't do it anymore and then burst into tears......I am BURNTout, but honestly and maybe this is me overthinking everything tonight, who won't be if they trully had walked in the same shoes I have for the last 3 yrs, I won't go into everything but let me tell you in with the throns there have been some amazing roses but I have been poked ALOT and after finally saying it too him I felt human, at this point anyone that told me I was over racting it would take me alot not to hurt them. I am trying really hard to control my anger this week, month and year but I am tried of being judge for not being perfect, I am HUMAN and anyone that thinks different needs help themeselves.....I am done trying to be something I am not and there is going to be some sad people in the world as the real me stands up and says NO!!!!!!! I am trying harder to do this espically since I have been made to feel guilty a few weeks back by someone that is suppose to be family, I don't have to put myself though anything I don't want to which is a awsome part of FREEDOM!
Oh well I went on a rant that might not have been needed but I am trying very hard to find me again and be the happy me! it is coming, and my running is coming, being sick has not helped so hopefully this week is better, because I got told today a min of 10 mins of exercise a day makes us all a little happier!
Monday, May 11, 2009
a new update!
..we all fall down, it is the getting back up that really counts. We all live and we all learn to help someone up when it is there turn! In life there is only one guarantee.....your feet won't always be on the ground, as we all fall down sometimes!
So life is has been totally emotionally draining at times, I wish I could say things are getting better, but I can't truly say that......we have gone through a bunch of doctors again and a MRI and yet not to many more answers than we had before, the neurologist says everything should be fine, as the MRI came back clean at this time so they they are wondering about a rebound problem so they are slowly taking him off his migraine pills to see if that helps so far all it has helped is the anger part because he is in pain all the time so is happy? well honestly would anyone be happy when they are in pain all the time? so now they are looking at trying some depression meds to see if that helps and a few other options to try and get him back on track, it is so hard for him. almost 8 months now is along time to not be feeling well.
Also now WCB is sending him back to the CNS to do vocational rehabilitation see how that goes as WCB wants him to be doing something instead of nothing if he can, so here goes the next part of the game........I hope we can figure something out because sadly this wife is burning out a bit right now....Trying to be supporting but it is hard some days, some days I feel like I am caring the whole weight of the world on my shoulders between trying to keep the kids stuff organized between therapy and school and then keeping David's stuff organized and then working part time and trying to find me time, and this week I have decided to teach myself to run.....I am trying to work on my lack of energy, and falling into depression......see how I do......wish me luck!
So life is has been totally emotionally draining at times, I wish I could say things are getting better, but I can't truly say that......we have gone through a bunch of doctors again and a MRI and yet not to many more answers than we had before, the neurologist says everything should be fine, as the MRI came back clean at this time so they they are wondering about a rebound problem so they are slowly taking him off his migraine pills to see if that helps so far all it has helped is the anger part because he is in pain all the time so is happy? well honestly would anyone be happy when they are in pain all the time? so now they are looking at trying some depression meds to see if that helps and a few other options to try and get him back on track, it is so hard for him. almost 8 months now is along time to not be feeling well.
Also now WCB is sending him back to the CNS to do vocational rehabilitation see how that goes as WCB wants him to be doing something instead of nothing if he can, so here goes the next part of the game........I hope we can figure something out because sadly this wife is burning out a bit right now....Trying to be supporting but it is hard some days, some days I feel like I am caring the whole weight of the world on my shoulders between trying to keep the kids stuff organized between therapy and school and then keeping David's stuff organized and then working part time and trying to find me time, and this week I have decided to teach myself to run.....I am trying to work on my lack of energy, and falling into depression......see how I do......wish me luck!
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