Christmas time at the hotel

This year because we thought David;s family was going to be away we planned to be away....we went to a hotel for christmas eve till christmas this was so much fun, the kids loved it and we are planned it again for next year!

the best christmas gift

This has been the best Christmas so far for relaxing and no stress......Last night we went and stayed at a hotel, and Santa even came to the hotel…..we woke up about 8am, and then we opened all our

presents 1 at a time, the kids were so excited but it was enough that by the time they were super excited we were done, no one stopped wanting to open gifts. Our Santa’s did a great job they have kept everyone happy. It is hard when Santa didn’t know the kids really because Dallin looked at us a couple times like….I will never play with this but I know with time he will. He is just not our typical little boy but otherwise all was happy. After presents were done we went swimming……that I think was the best part of the morning….oh well we have dinner coming soon….thank you too our many Santa’s.

a update......of us!

Being a mom some days is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be, I love my life but I really want and need a holiday more than others I think sometimes. (As Joshua fall’s and hits his head well I am typing)


Homeschooling has been good, I am slowly starting to figure it out more, figuring out how he learns and how I teach and how I learn to learn how to teach, so many elements to that one. This was never my total dream but at the same point I would not see it any other way now. Dallin is learning and changing so much, we are starting to deal with different things some better some worse but age does that too…..some of the things we are dealing with is Anxiety and that is a hard one, because with out the language and the skills to tell you what is wrong it makes it even tougher….and his need to visual aids are become more. He is a GREAT kid and I love him so much just different challenges add to the different things.

Joshua is doing Amazing at Providence, he is getting a TON of speech help…not as much social as he needs but we are slowly trying to find him something to add to the part, so he is getting more social church helps but we think he still needs more winter is just a hard time to get going.

Sara, my princess…..she is doing well at driving me nuts….her speech is coming along really good, this is still a lot that needs help but slow and steady wins the race right? Otherwise she is doing great, loves being included, loves he brothers and loves her parents, she just amazes me daily with the things she does and wants to do!



I am emotionally coming along, day by day, I work to much with superstore and try to do a lot at home too, home schooling takes a lot of planning and energy to do it right. I am hoping soon that David will be off WCB and feeling better but I think that is still along road away, we are starting to take more “Alternative” ways of looking at his health, but with that because it is not covered we are back to still needing me to work so it is just finding that balance through it all, and to some how work it so I am not burning out through it all which hard. I know we are not given more than we can handle but there are sure days when I feel like I am being held at the edge of my mountain. I know God is there and he is truly helping me to live through this all and be blessed but that still does not always make it easy…..I know we love each other and that is what helps us get through these rough spots, if we didn’t it would be more hell than it is. We are learning to depend on each other a lot more, and balance through our lives so we are not depending on others as much because it is a lot on our families at times, we are thankful when they do help but grateful when we can do it on our own too, it means that we have learned a little more coping skills a bit at a time. I am looking on the side to make some money from home so that I can be home more for my kids and for my sanity! I guess this is all for now, I will try to update the photos and more about the kids soon

Christmas part 1 ish

This has been a tough Christmas season for us, this year I took a HUGE step back, I let David be in charge of Christmas get together and all of that, At first it was just going to be my side of the family around really as David's family was suppose to be moving to Smither, B.C. So we thought it would be cool to go away for Christmas day at least so that we could have a small break from our craziness we call life.

We then learned that David’s family would not be gone for Christmas it became the balance of all the family stuff and our time again, I know we have not done this all right, because there is more than one set of parents saying so..But because I have sat so far back and let David deal with it, it has been even harder because I know most people are like WHAT is David’s plan, it is scary. But he needs it this year, things are still not going well with him, he is still working only his 6hrs a day but he comes home tired and not wanting to deal with anyone including us and by sat he just wants to sleep and do nothing at all. Which is making this Christmas so much fun....NOT!

Why does he want to just to do quiet stuff, because the rest hurts him and he doesn’t know how to say that right. I wish I could explain it totally, but I think for David simple is still the only way right now. Neither of us is trying to be rude about it just trying to find the balance in our lives.

And it is hard for our kids as well....Christmas is a hard time of year, there is so much extra simulation and we want them to be calm, is that not a funny concept. And with Dallin struggling with anxiety issues we are trying to be more careful then previous years too. All I want for them this year is to have fun we have kept Christmas simple on our part a couple gifts for each child, and well Santa came last night to our house….which the kids are so excited about but really I think they would be truly happy with one thing, they just like the joy that comes with presents….

Anyways, now that I rambled and probably have not made much sense…..We are not trying to hide totally from everyone this year just still a lot going on, and have still not get back to normal after my surgery that is truly months of figuring it all out all over again.

We do love our extended families, they mean a lot and do help us as we need which is so important in our lives.

Teaching Tolerance....

I know this is not about Autism, but it is the same idea of learning tolerance, it is very close to my heart how people are treated because of there challenges. I wish we all could step back and just be alittle kinder to all, I know that will not totally happen but we can all try a little harder too.....I am going to attach these links please feel free to have a look......
Speaking on Tolerance:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDWvQwkMs00&feature=player_embedded
Speaking on what makes you tic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOfeW9qsNV8
and here is the Marc's homepage:
http://www.marcspeaks.com/Marc_Speaks/Homepage.html

He just touch a very soft spot in my heart
Christine

Things I do for "Fun"

Those that dont know I started a blog for the cakes I have made have a look and let me know what you think

http://cakeswithoutlimits.blogspot.com/

Christine

Take my hand

This really touched my heart, I have been through a ton latley, but this emergancy gall bladder surgery, took me for a loop I knew I was sick, but I guess I didnt know how sick, I have kept up with my life to a point but not as much as I need too....He is there to guide us along during those rough moments.

TAKE MY HAND

Take my hand and follow me,

There are things ahead for you to see.

Little wonders are all around,

And tender mercies to be found.

We’ll take our time, no need to run,

Breathe deep the air and feel the sun.

The grass is soft beneath our feet,

Sounds are soothing, the air is sweet.

Sometimes we’ll stop and just be still,

Our hearts will tell us God is real!

Small graces along our path appear,

They let us know that Heaven’s near.

So take my hand anew each day,

The walk is lovely and I know the way.

Greg Olsen -2008

Dallin Science project

So we have been working on Sun and Moon so we thought it would be cool to make a clay mobile and a Sun dial.....

If you cant tell he had so much fun and David and Dallin have been going out every hour to work on the sun dial I think i have to do it again tomorrw!

The Trip home

Pictures of our trip to KImberly these were at the condo

Part one of the Thanksgiving Weekend!

Well this week, we thought it was going to be a evil mess from hell but it turned out really good, we left Sat morning about a hour later than we wanted but such is life when 1. kids are involved and 2. when you are travelling with other people and you need to wait for them! But we followed (and anyone that really knows me, knows this is hard, I like to be in control) the in-laws in their durango.....I did have some demands, I want to stop at frank slide, and the biggest truck in the world and anything else cool along the way. Well because it was soooooooooooooooooooooo cold we only made a couple stops on the way up to Kimberly.

Frank Slide

back on the road we went after our short picture stop!

Sparwood---World's largest truck

We stopped in Fernie

at the wooden oil Derick, Joshua was the only one to get out but he quickly ran and looked at everything and then we got back in the van to meet up with everyone again!

After getting some food we were off to Kimberly.......that will be the next post!

Day 1 done for Joshua

Day one of testing done, Joshua did well, a few melt downs and whines but nothing big. The lady asked if this was pretty typical of him I said yes and no it depends where he is, he is totally a different child for everyone but us almost.....and his aid's that work with him at home. Again it is not that I want a label it is I want the skills and the help to be able to deal with the situations at hand. I know can do it just some days it seems harder than others especially when you are the emotion tired. oh well next testing is next Thursday!

the next emotional rollercoaster

tomorrow is the start again of a emotional roller coaster. I am so scared and sad and excited all in a ball roll it and you will find maybe one of my many emotions. Joshua starts testing again, with the preschool assessment team. Many would question why we are pushing for this again, as we did this a couple years ago, but they could not give us a answer at this time and I hope at this point they will be able to figure out what is going on with our Joshua, it is so hard as I watch him get to mad and frustrated with his worker at home every day and as I sat in his IPP meeting at school today and listen to them tell me he is the most wonderful child and they have no problems with him I want to cry, I know he is a wonderful child and I am so glad that he is doing so well at school but why is he not doing well at home with us, what are we doing so wrong. I wish I could figure this all out, I hate feeling like I am a bad mom but that is sadly what this meeting made me feel like today, so I am hoping that they lady he seeing tomorrow call see some of these issues and either tell us something, or offer a bit more support to be able to seal with this things, it is not that I want a label for my child it is I truly want him getting the help he truly needs. it is just a hard emotion time and I get a bit ugly during these times and I probably truly wont have a answer until the 22nd of Oct which is a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG to wait for answers.

summer is gone.....

Where has time gone summer is gone and now we are back to the grind. I would love to say that is a good thing and I think it is.......we are slowly getting into the swing of things. Joshua is loving school, he is doing so well. we went through a few days thinking he would not get in because he has improved so much but he did get in which is nice and Dallin is starting to settle in well with the home schooling, though today i was boring but most days he does well. we are starting to fit nicely into out new home and love it, there is so much close to us.

Tribute to TJ Andrews

Wow I would not have thought I would have to do this yet for many years, I really wish I could totally hug Shelly and say I am sorry this happened but at the same point we all knew this day would come but when we were not sure.

TJ Andrews

Oct 28, 1978 - Sept 20,2009

I consider TJ like a brother, I loved the moments we did get to hang out, many good times and many bad times, like with anyone. TJ is and always will be a amazing person in my life.
TJ for the most part was a very happy person, alot of out look and alot of dreams in his life. I loved about him he really thought he could do almost anything. I did share my tears of sorrow with him as well. TJ had some great roommates and some bad ones I was there through alot of them. When times were bad especially before Shelly was in the picture he would call me. I remember like yesterday when he called to tell me his mom passed away I layed there and cried with him. I want to ease his pain and knew at that moment I could not, I am so glad he is with his mom as this time, she was a great woman I enjoyed the dinner I was able to eat with them the one time.
I do remember the first time I met TJ he was my home teacher, TJ lived in the big house and I was in the love shack.(good names for young adult housing) I struggled so hard that first year I was in Edmonton, I struggled emotionally and spiritually, TJ worked very hard to help me raise myself up. I spent alot of time with him going places that he could not get too without help.I went to many weddings with TJ and many events, he was at that time trully my best friend. I remember times when TJ would get depressed because his life was not going the way he thought it should have been. And my times that we both trully walked that line, we both took our times away from the church and did things that were not always good but we both worked hard to help the other one to find our ways back to where we need to be.
TJ was the first one to know I was engaged, he was actually sitting in the living room when David asked me outside on the balcony. I remember him being so excited for us, he was sad because it was not him but so happy for us. I was so happy for him to be our MC at our wedding reception he had so much fun with that. I remember when him and Shelly got together, they were so good together I was so happy for them, not everyone was on the same page at first but we all learned in the end that they were the best for each other, they made each other so happy. I was one of the first when TJ called to say the Shelly was expecting. I remember the feelings that went together with that for them. TJ really thought he would never be able to have children and was blessed with 3 before he life this earth and the 4 on the way and due in the next month. Bless Shelly with the strength to make it through those tough moments ahead. David enjoyed being part of the wedding when Shelly and TJ got married, there is just so many moments that we have enjoyed with them as families know. Birthday parties just a because visit. it was hard when we moved to different cities but at times we worked hard to see each other more than when we lived in the same cities.

I know I have started to ramble and probably not make much sense to many others, but in the end TJ was a awsome friend, to those around and a awsome husband a father to his family and will be greatly missed by all TJ trully is a hero to me for the things he has been through. many God be with his family and help us to be the supports that they are going to need as time goes on, we love you Shelly, Thomas, Maggie. Harrison and the new baby you are always on our minds and in our prayers

ONE Year Down!

ONE YEAR DOWN!

David did go back to work just before the one year mark, Only part time still and not where he would like to be but it is something a start to see where we go from there. So far he is doing well, things seem to be getting a bit better for him the headaces are still there but that sadly is something he might have to learn to live with. I wish he could say things are totally better, when we hit the year mark it was suppose to be "better" as of it we are not DONE! but I know through the faith of God things are going to get better. he has been promised that and I do believe it sometimes it is just the faith to know what GOD's time frame in that is the hard part, but we are slowly starting to be a bit better with him working again, I do miss the second set of hands in the hours that are more stressful then others but glad to be getting back into my routine of things.

in a bit of shock

still in a bit of Shock, Katrina called to tell me how TJ was doing, and that they were going to be turning the machines off with TJ later today, I just sat there like this is a dream this is not real, it has been hard being away from out friends in Edmonton. All I could do was cry for the family of TJ, as I knew in the long run this day was coming but still not easy. I wish the family peace at this time in there life.

DONE

DONE with the crazy landlord, did our walk through tonight and everything was marked off good after the second walk through as they trully thought that the place should look as if it came out of box and we didnt live there for the last year with 3 kids. They wanted no wear and tear at all. But after all is said and done I am still thinking of taking him to small claims for my almost $300 but otherwise we got all our money back, and I am glad that I am not having to deal with him on almost daily base.

We got the keys to our new place

WE GOT THE KEYS!

looking for..........a little sunshine!

As some many know and others many not know, the time has come again for us to look for a new place, only because our landlord became crazy, and now he is driving me to a crazy land.....where I leave the curtain's closed all day just so if he does show up I don't have to see him and he won't know I am home to talk to me....it helped us when we needed it, we loved this area and we loved the ward we were in at church, but we are struggling to find something in our price range in the area we want, so we are sure it is Heavenly Father leading us to other things, some days I get really mad that we have not stayed anywhere long to plant our feet firmly but at the same time it has allowed us to touch our people and teach people about our children and the blessing the are.
This time we have been looking at places we have been very up front about our kids and the challenges that they bring with them, because for some reason I felt this important this time, not sure why but sometimes you follow the spirit and learn later, Sat we got the chance to look at 2 places 1 I really loved and the other I would have been okay never to hear back from type thing....And then we went for dinner just David and I which was nice and then we went to a movie, I have not cried so much in a movie in a long time, I would recommend anyone going to see it, it was my sister's keeper totally different thing this family suffers from but at the same point how you deal with it all is not any different if that makes sense.....So David and I were able to talk and look at where our live is and where we are going and how we want things to be again....And as I sat and cried I knew there was someone I was forgetting among it all....it was really myself, I have been so consumed with the kids and with David I have forgot me...and as I stress myself to the max about moving again, I forget about me...and then we forget about us, as a couple we have just coasted again for a few months again.... so here is trying to find a new place so I can find me again, and not lock myself or my kids up anymore....I need some happiness in my life again...I am praying hard the Heavenly Father will show us to the right place and let the right person now, that this is what we NEED! I am so tired, I just need a little bit of sunshine in my life!
On a up note, David starts working 4 hours a day with Glenn at his store starting tomorrow so that is exciting, it is not his normal job yet, but this is the road to a start!

I love Capital EX! Magic Monday.......

summer!

I would love to say that summer has been great! but that would be a LIE.....it has been a hard transitation and let me tell you I will be glad to have some routine back in my life, I am going to order my program that I have wanted for almost 3 yrs now by the end of the month so I that I can get life ogranized the program I want is...boardmaker, now some of you would not know what that is because you have never had to use it but it is a program that allows you to use a visual picture to tell kids what they need to do step by step type thing....for Dallin the visual cues are soooooooooo important, he is so much calmer with with them, and we are looking at still getting him the ipod touch to put some pictures on so he can talk with others when he has the lack of words he needs....Dallin has come along ways but still has a long ways to go...I have learned to totally love the simple things about Dallin the smelling/ picking of flowers the drawing on everything....the loves he is so sincere when he tells you he loves you....I am so excited to homeschool him next year, I think he will trully learn the meaning to loving life!
Joshua has struggled as well with summer, he loves have his routine as well....I am so excited for him to go to providence I am hoping this is the year they will figure him out totally...he has been sitting on the fence for 3 yrs now...I know he is different, I have a strong sense of what I think is going on but sadly the medical people and I are not always seeing eye to eye on this all....so here we wait again for more testing for him...I hope one day this will all be calmer...
Sara, my amazing Sara, we had her speech assement done, a bit ago and paied out of pocket for it as it is so long to get aything done here in Calgary but they gave her the moderate-severe language delay and for some reason i was okay with this one, it is 3rd is a charm type thing.....but as I have gone through the summer waiting to hear if she gets into school which the final answer is not till the 17th of Aug, I have prayed that she will get the one year of school and be good....her social skills are amazing, i am learning more and more she is more like a "nomral" child but just has a language delay, and actually since doing the assessment her language has come up along ways....she is trying so hard to talk and get things through to us, it is AMAZING.....and okay the part that is about to drive me up the wall now is WHY? WHY? WHY? I have never had this before and let me tell you i don't feel like I missed out on anything up to this point...:) I know that is bad, but being asked why about everything can drive a person crazy!
I do love my childern they are teaching me so much right now, I have more patiance then I ever thought I would have....but I am trully loving it this week!

all in a mornings work....

I am thought I would add this.....it was my status on facbook last week....but it shows a true morning....

all in a mornings work.....deal with one meltdown because Aid told him to get dressed, get another child off top bunk, fully dress him because he is refusing to get dressed or do anything, deal with a screaming child that tripped and bumped her head into the wall bit her lip and has blood running down her face.....breakfast went okay then meltdowns getting snacks and meltdowns going out the door......all before 10am!

Update!

Hello All,

I thought I would write a note as I have not done well this year with keep up with people, it has been a long year, We moved to Calgary in June (David came down in may) this was a hard move for us, we truly love Edmonton, I missed family but even with time that has been filled…..After moving here we stayed with David’s parents for the summer which was nice it allowed us to have some breaks which we had not had for awhile. In Sept David had a work accident and was hit in the head with a 50lb bar, and has since been off work with migraines and other symptoms that are not sure why there are still going on as the Ct-scans and the MRIs are coming back normal so here we sit and wait still….this has been a HUGE struggle may may tears have been had over all of this….Hopefully they will figure it out soon….
I thought I would give an update on the kids:
Dallin:
He is a superstar, he really enjoyed school this year but still very much struggled with it, he was only in a class of 4 including him, but 2 of the boys were talkers and he found this very, very hard to deal with….Dallin’s language has come up a bit, still has a long ways to come for those of you that understand numbers and reports I will add that in too, but over all Dallin is not the same little boy from 3 years ago….our Early ed funding is done and now we move on to grade 1 that is so hard to imagine that he is that old…Dallin is going to be home schooled next year as the Calgary board of Education placed him in a class of 30 kids with 5 special needs and 1 aid, I thanked the lady and told her I would not do that to my son. Thank was a hard choice and I know there are many people that think I am going to hurt him by home schooling him as he will miss out on the social skills, to them I say you are wrong, he will still get those social skills, as he will still be having a aid 20hrs a week to work on those skills and he will be placed in programs that help him with those skills, my main goal in life is for my kids to love life and to love learning and when you are not happy you are not doing either! So Dallin will go through Argyll Centre, and have an IPP again to help him hit his goals at the right times!
The Brigance test was the one done:
Motor Domain: 9%
Language Domain: 0.5%
Academic/Cognitive Domain: 3%
Self-help Domain: <0.2%
Socio-Emotional Domain: N/A (7months)
Adaptive Behavior: 1%

Joshua:
He is my full of energy and full of life…..can’t sit still type child, I love him but some days I wish he was just a bit more calm, we have been working on it and it slowly coming but it is a hard thing to teach a child who truly loves those high moments to be calm. Joshua finished his second year of early ed, did wonderful but again I found he was in a class that he was more of a role model than a child that got a lot of one on one…..which is sad as he really is crying out for it, we have struggled to find that balance with him on attention he loves both positive and negative attention. But Joshua is going to go to Providence next year, this is a school that as I walked in brought a tear to my eye it reminded me of what I would call home of Elmwood School in Edmonton, the sensory rooms the gyms the things that force him to move but for a good way and to calm in a good way too, and as Debra showed us around I just felt more and more at home, I know he will do good, as we are putting him in a class that has 5-6 typical to mild kids in it too, so I think the peer modeling will be great for him and he is most likely going to have a male teacher which will be great! Joshua is sad to be moving to a new school as he made friends this year but I know he will do it again!
Joshua’s Brigance test is:
Motor Domain: 9%
Language Domain: 23%
Receptive: 27%
Expressive: 8%
Academic/Cognitive domain: 9%
Self-Help Domain: 3%
Social-Emotional: N/A (20months)
Adaptive Behavior: 9%

Miss Sara:
Oh our princess and really that is what she is! Will hopefully start school as well in Sept, She received a moderate to severe language delay on her testing….this came as no shock to me….but at the same point it did how strange is that…but we love her she is doing so well, she is my helper she wants to clean up she wants to help the boys get ready if only she would motivate herself on things but we are working on that, potty training is coming with her…….maybe by the end of summer but I am not going to stress out too much about it. I am enjoying being a mom to a little girl how loves to carry her purse and walk in high heels, David and I always say she is going to beat up some little boy very gracefully as she is very….aggressive but very girly……..

Otherwise we are doing well, I am emotionally holding it together for the most part I am ready for my break, I am ready to have no more huge stresses, but I also know that there is a God who is watching out for me and my family and now we can do the things he has placed in front of us which is so comforting too…..
I have open back up my blog as many had asked if I would so I will try it again….I love letting everyone see what is new, I am working o updating it but it will come soon especially now that it is SUMMER and I don’t have to go out every day!

Miss everyone so much and hope everyone is doing well!
Christine and the Mousir Family

School is almost done

Well as we come into the last few days of school, emotions are high....I have really struggled with New Heights this year, there has been a few promises broken and to say the least it has been a tough year, have the boys got the services I think they should have not really, but what do you do......I know we are suppose to be here.....in Calgary but let me tell you that has been the hardest thing this week, I feel like my Dallin is getting the short end of the stick but I can't fix that right now.....I know there are going to be alot of family and friends who may think or say there comments about Dallin being home schooled but let me tell you at this point in life this is the BEST choice for him, As the Calgary school board was going to put him in a classroom of 25-30 kids with a min of 5 other special needs kids and 1 aid, YES that 1 aid to help meet these kids needs you are CRAZY if you think I will do that, Dallin did meet the requirements to be in the Autism Class but they felt because he was quiet and complacent that he would be fine in a normal class, I think they are totally wrong how would a child that in tests meets about 2.5 yrs behind work fine with kids his age when most of the problems are social and speech.....you are asking for failure and unhappiness, I want my kids to love life and love learn and you are not going to get that without the right supports, so Dallin will be with me next year as we homeschooling through Argyll Centre which is through the Edmonton Public school system.....
Joshua will be at providence next year with his last year of PUF funding....he has come along ways but he still has along ways to come, at his last doctors apt he did get the ADHD label which I knew he would get, he is a total handful that I would not ask many to take care of....but I love him so much and hope that this next year will be the best for him and that we will be able to figure out what is truly going on with him, I hope this will make life a bit easier.
My Sara....the death of me.....my princess....and drama queen, is doing wonderful, she did come out with a moderate-severe language delay so we are waiting to hear if she too will get into providence it would be so nice, as she would feel like she is special too, she looks up to her brothers so much but does not truly understand why they are different and why they have friends that come everyday to play with them....that is so hard as she has truly never known any different and now she really wants that friend to play with too.....
My David......I would love to say things are getting better, but i don't think they are....I think somethings have got better and then other things have gotten worse.....bless his heart I know he is trying but this has truly been a trial that neither of us would want to do again....
me.... I am slowly getting there, this has been a really really tough time for me...the cliff has been close at times....and I may still see the edge but I know Heavenly Father does love me and which ever path I do choice he will be there for me.....

I am going to try and get some pictures up this week.....I will try to get better again!

my dr visit!

I know I have not put much in about the kids latley, but to say the least the are all still well. I feel like Sara may throw my over the edge of my cliff most days but all is well, I am still looking into school for next year not all my options are done yet!
On another note I am sick again, so today I went to the doctor for some meds to make me feel better, it was only of those intresting visits after he was done with me he was probably like WOW she is more messed up them she knows, he came in with meds for my cough he was sure it was all something that would pass with time but gave me something to make me feel better from his cupboard and then he was like anything else before I leave, and I was like ummmm well my peroids aren't going so normal, I have been on the same birth control (oops if ya didn't see that one coming sorry) but my body and it have stopped working together as well so on a happy note he put me on one that I only get my period every 3 months YEPPPY for that one! hopefully it doesn't make them worse cause they are all ready bad........but up for trying many more things, and then the famous last words......anything else.......I think I am losing my mind :) he stops and looks at me.....and says because of your husband? HAHAHAHAHAHA it took alot to not blame it all on him, and I stopped and said no I think I am really just burnt out after the last 3 long hard years and I can't do it anymore and then burst into tears......I am BURNTout, but honestly and maybe this is me overthinking everything tonight, who won't be if they trully had walked in the same shoes I have for the last 3 yrs, I won't go into everything but let me tell you in with the throns there have been some amazing roses but I have been poked ALOT and after finally saying it too him I felt human, at this point anyone that told me I was over racting it would take me alot not to hurt them. I am trying really hard to control my anger this week, month and year but I am tried of being judge for not being perfect, I am HUMAN and anyone that thinks different needs help themeselves.....I am done trying to be something I am not and there is going to be some sad people in the world as the real me stands up and says NO!!!!!!! I am trying harder to do this espically since I have been made to feel guilty a few weeks back by someone that is suppose to be family, I don't have to put myself though anything I don't want to which is a awsome part of FREEDOM!
Oh well I went on a rant that might not have been needed but I am trying very hard to find me again and be the happy me! it is coming, and my running is coming, being sick has not helped so hopefully this week is better, because I got told today a min of 10 mins of exercise a day makes us all a little happier!

a new update!

..we all fall down, it is the getting back up that really counts. We all live and we all learn to help someone up when it is there turn! In life there is only one guarantee.....your feet won't always be on the ground, as we all fall down sometimes!

So life is has been totally emotionally draining at times, I wish I could say things are getting better, but I can't truly say that......we have gone through a bunch of doctors again and a MRI and yet not to many more answers than we had before, the neurologist says everything should be fine, as the MRI came back clean at this time so they they are wondering about a rebound problem so they are slowly taking him off his migraine pills to see if that helps so far all it has helped is the anger part because he is in pain all the time so is happy? well honestly would anyone be happy when they are in pain all the time? so now they are looking at trying some depression meds to see if that helps and a few other options to try and get him back on track, it is so hard for him. almost 8 months now is along time to not be feeling well.
Also now WCB is sending him back to the CNS to do vocational rehabilitation see how that goes as WCB wants him to be doing something instead of nothing if he can, so here goes the next part of the game........I hope we can figure something out because sadly this wife is burning out a bit right now....Trying to be supporting but it is hard some days, some days I feel like I am caring the whole weight of the world on my shoulders between trying to keep the kids stuff organized between therapy and school and then keeping David's stuff organized and then working part time and trying to find me time, and this week I have decided to teach myself to run.....I am trying to work on my lack of energy, and falling into depression......see how I do......wish me luck!

Friends!

I am trying to figure out life, I have a couple close friends but not alot, good and bad as I sometimes want friends and some days I so don't. But lately I have been thinking it would be nice to be able to have a girls night out but really I don't have friends that really do that, and then I try to think maybe there is things with church I can do......NOPE nothing lately. I go to quiltin Monday morning when David doesn't work, but at the same point as much as I love going there it is many older ladies that are in the grand baby stage so they don't have the same understanding. I go to church and I feel like a fly on the wall, actually today we didn't go because both David and I thought our heads were going to pop off. Put yet we can miss a month there and no one even calls to see if we are okay. I guess I am getting to a point for the first time in my life I NEED some friends and I don't have them here in the same city and it is so hard we moved here for family support and they do help but it is not the same as friends who you get to hang out with! It is making me really think my life over and over again. I know the church it's self is true but the people seem to be becoming more different all the time if that makes sense.

Update!

I am here again I know I need to update this but I am having a hard time just doing everything I need too otherwise, I do sit at the computer often just staring blank as the thought of typing out my thoughts is sometimes way to hard and to emotional and really for the most part I am like no one needs to hear me complain about where my life is about or how I am a bad mother or anything like that but I figure I should do a little run down of where life is right now.





David still can only work a max of 6hrs and even that sends him over the edge and he must come home and sleep because he is then a write off for much else cause then his head pounds. Which I know is hard for him, and most days I am understanding there are days this gets hard as I want more done all the way around. I guess the hardest part is.......he is not the same person still as before the accident, is this a bad thing most days......NO some days YES but who would not be able to honestly say that......


Dallin has Therapy Monday to Friday from 9am-12, for the most part it is going well, do I think it is helping over all, a little but nothing is jumping out saying this is the best thing since sliced bread. and then he goes to school from 1pm-3:30 and we come home do dinner and then bed so much fun, some nights there is a little more play in there


Joshua- still has no aid, so we spend almost all morning trying to find him something to do so he is not bothering Dallin, easier said then done, him and Sara fight most of the morning and then that is done. And then he goes to school for the afternoon.


Sara- oh how I love my little princess, yes that is what she is! I do love her every much but some days I wonder if she might be what puts me over the edge. In the morning she does her best to pick on everyone and make them scream at least one. and then in the afternoon most days she still has a nap, and I am thankful for that nap!

Me----I am a Mom/aid/ therapist during the day, I am a referee 90% of the day between the kids and between David taking his own anger out on the kids not meaning too but he does. Also I am working 2-3 days a week at superstore to try to make up the money form David not working and really it is helping to get out of debit! which is nice but let me tell you I am burning out really quickly right now. I had a melt down myself and sat in my room with my door closed and cry for a good 20Min's yesterday. I am just a little down. I need to find a new way to deal with everything I am hoping to get some more answers this week with all of David's doctors apts. Though I think it might be my turn to go to the doctor to find out why I am so tired but I am sure I know what he is going to say and I am not sure how I change my life to less stress to make this better for everyone :S hopefully I can figure this out soon......

oh well I will update the blog at least with pictures soon.

snow day!

I was out shovling the snow in the front and I could hear laughing and this what I found in my back yard.......they were so proud of themselves!

3 left! if anyone wants!

The first 5 people to respond to this post will receive something made by me to you....my choice...made especially for you.
Of course there are some restrictions and limitations:

1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!

2. What I create will be just for you.

3. It will be done sometime this year.

4. You have no clue what it will be... it may be a story; it may be poetry or an article on properly cleaning your face before a masque. I may draw or paint something; I may bake something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure.

5. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must re-post this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on their blog. The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did will win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me!!

Oh and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it!!

New Heights Support group email!

okay I just need to put this some where to vent my anger this is support to be a group that new heights set up for the parents to have a support group! so I sent this email out to every one.....

Hello All,
does anyone know the email address to Bob on the board? or a phone number?

Is there any other ECS parents on here that take the bus? just wondering if anyone else got a bill for busing as with PUF funding I was told this is covered, I am going to call Alberta ed on Monday to find out for sure because I was never told of the fee when we started school in Sept. because I would never put my kids on the bus because in Edmonton we are payed $7 a day to take are kids to school with PUF so I am a little confused and a bit angry today, so anyone that can help with some info for me would be great
Thank you Christine

First reply:
Hi Christine,
I don't put Tristan on the bus, but your transport fees should be covered under PUF - as I was told I will get a credit at the end of the year for the mileage of me driving him.
Hope this helps...

yes helpful put still not the total answer I needed, after I got this reply I did get a call from Rick who is now the "director" as they got rid of the last one....say so I hear you are mad, I then explained why and he did understand and we worked out that I would not pay for the bus the rest of the year as he could not prove that I got the letter they sent out or not, and I was like I never get a letter ever saying I would have to pay......but now I am feeling the pressure of you are costing us money....I am just not sure how to feel David says we use it till the end of the year because we are not paying for it but I am seeing many more issues involved with this later...so I am still trying to play that out in my mind..... then this morning that was all yesterday..... I get this second response......

Hi Christine,

I see that you have some concerns about the busing for your little guy. Sorry for your upsetting day! I've been with the school for awhile now and it's had its ups and downs and right now with the changes that have been made we're on a huge up!

The protocol for a problem anyone has with the school is to first talk to the teacher, then the principal, then the board. Phoning Alberta Ed just gets everything in a muddle and puts more work on our staff.

My advice is for you to calm down and call the school in the morning, bearing in mind that they have a week off for a well deserved break, and may not answer the phone.

Also bear in mind that you are extremely fortunate to have your child in a school such as New Heights, free busing or not.

Yours,

Cindy (parent of a child in the Senior class)


So the person I am is a little.........frustrated at this point........so I replayed back with this......

Cindy and Brenda,
Thank you for your comments, I know this was not the right place to explode, I have since talk to Rick and have worked things out, but let me just explain a bit of why I was so mad, there was no letter in there saying why this bill and I was told in Sept busing was covered, so that was part of it and the other part is when you get a bill like that and your husband has not worked for the last 6 months and is on WCB that puts a huge weight on you because I am already working just to make up the difference.
I do have 3 kids under 5 and 2 with special needs so there is a ton of stress in our lives right now.

I think alot of us have been given different information over the year and that is the frustration because no parent knows if what they know is right or not. I am starting to see a good change here at New Heights but this was still frustrating and the only reason I put it on here was to try and understand if anyone had this problem, especially with the spring break I would not see any parents, it was not done to get everyone upset. I am sorry, I miss understood maybe the point to this group, I thought it was to try and be a support group and help connect parents that don't get to see each other and be able to work together.

I guess the hard part is I came to Calgary for more family support I left what I call an amazing system in Edmonton, where the kids are public kids and get amazing services and I am just learning here still, so again I am sorry I have upset people but I have since talked with Rick and things will be okay. Communication is a HUGE part of Success.
Christine

See what comes from this, I am not sure if I will be at this school next year either way as I really don't feel as a parent I am being heard or respected......on many levels so we will see....I may go back to the whole home schooling answer.....anyways this was just because I am not sure how to approach this right now as this is becoming more personal by the day for me, and it has only been a couple days.


Well at least i have not out cast everyone....

Hi Christine,

Don't feel bad... nobody is upset. After hearing your issues I totally understand your stress and I would be wanting to sort it out asap too if it was me. I feel your stress too, just having one ASD kid is enough to send me over the edge so I can appreciate moms who have to handle more.......it's certainly not easy!!!
Interesting what you said about Edmonton. Anyway, I think things are on the up for New Heights too.

If you ever need someone to talk to I am open and I am free most afternoons while the boys are in class.


Hugs

Brenda

Calgary Tower

So Another cool Calgary thing, we took Jesus and Ana to the Calgary tower! Ana is afraid of heights so this was a huge thing for her and the glass floor scared her. But I want to try and get there before she went home, so again you couldn't see everything cause it was about to snow again but the idea was there!

Then from here we went to the old spaghetti factory!

Oh a date every week has been way cool, not sure who we are going to hang out with as of April... Ana is going to be really missed well and Jesus....it just won't be the same with just the guys back!